Communication Skills Dr. Karima Zaid

ASSERTIVENESS WHAT IS IT? HOW CAN IT HELP ME? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?

Objectives  By the end of this lecture each student should be able to:  Define assertiveness.  Discuss basic human rights.  Differentiate among nonassertive, assertive, aggressive, and passive- aggressive behavior.  Demonstrate techniques that promote assertive behavior.

Assertive communication. Basic human rights. Response patterns. Behavioral components of assertive behavior. Techniques that promote assertive behavior. 4

A Challenge Please write a One Sentence Definition of A S S E R T I V E N E S S.

Definition of Assertiveness An honest, direct, and appropriate expression of one's feelings, thoughts, and beliefs.

Test Your Assertiveness (1 of 3)  Can you express negative feelings about other people and their behaviors without using abusive language?  Are you able to exercise and express your strengths?  Can you easily recognize and compliment other people’s achievements?

Test Your Assertiveness (2 of 3)  Do you have the confidence to ask for what is rightfully yours?  Can you accept criticism without being defensive?  Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments?  Are you able to stand up for your rights?

Test Your Assertiveness (3 of 3)  Are you able to refuse unreasonable requests from friends, family, or co- workers?  Can you comfortably start and carry on a conversation with others?  Do you ask for assistance when you need it ? A “yes” response to the questions indicates an assertive approach.

Assertive behavior It promotes a felling of personal power and self-confidence. Becoming more assertive empowers individuals by promoting self-esteem without diminished the esteem of others.

WHAT IS ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR?  Assertive behavior is a behavior that enables individuals to: Act in their own best interests. Stand up for themselves without undue anxiety. Express their honest feelings comfortably. or to exercise their own rights without denying the rights of others.

Why Assertiveness Is Important? Help us feel good about our selves, increases our self esteem and feel good about other people and increases our ability to develop satisfying relationship with others. This done through: honesty, and respecting ones own basic rights as well as the rights of others.

Basic human rights: 1.The right to be treated with respect. 2.The right to express feelings, opinions and beliefs. 3.The right to say “No” without feeling guilty. 4.The right to make mistakes and accept the responsibility for them. 5.The right to be listened to and taken seriously.

6.The right to change your mind. 7.To ask for what you want. 8.The right to put yourself first, sometimes. 9.The right to set your own priorities. 10.The right to refuse justification for your feelings or behavior. Basic human rights:

Response patterns Nonassertive behavior. (I am not ok, you are ok) Assertive behavior. (I am ok, you are ok) Aggressive behavior. (I am ok, you are not ok) Passive-Aggressive behavior. (I am not ok, you are not ok) 15

Nonassertive behavior: (It is called passive) (It is called passive) seek to please others at the expense of denying their own basic human rights. They feel hurt and anxious because they allow other to choose for them and they seldom achieve their own desired goals. They use actions instead of words and hope some one will guess they want to please others. Their voices are hesitant, weak and expressed in a monotone.

Assertive Behavior: Assertive individuals stand up for their own rights while protecting the rights of others feeling are expressed openly and honesty. They assume responsibility for their own choices and allow others to choose for themselves. They maintain self respect and respect for others by treating everyone equally and with human dignity. Their voices are warm and expressive and eye contact is intermittent but direct.

Aggressive Behavior: As individuals who defend. Their basic rights by violating the basic rights of others. Feelings are often expressed dishonestly and inappropriate. They say what is on their mind. Rights denied. They devalue the self worth of others, they impose their choices, and their voices are often loud, angry or cold.

Passive Aggressive behavior: It called indirect aggression. Individuals defend their own rights by expressing resistance to social and occupational demands. They are manipulative, sly and express the opposite of what they are feeling. They are highly critical and sarcastic.

Behavioral components of assertive behavior Eye contact. Body posture. Distance/physical contact. Gestures. Facial expression. Voice. 20

Behavioral components of assertive behavior Fluency. Timing. Listening. Thoughts. Content. 21

Eye contact Is considered appropriate when it is intermittent (i.e, looking directly at the person to whom one is speaking but looking away now and then). Intermittent eye contact conveys the message that one is interested in what is being said. 22

Body posture Emphasis on an assertive stance can be achieved by standing with an erect posture, squarely facing the other person. A slumped posture conveys passivity or nonassertiveness. 23

Distance/physical contact The distance between two individuals has strong culture influence and invasion of this distance may be interpreted by some individuals as very aggressive. It can be classified as:It can be classified as: 1- Intimate : 1- Intimate : touching to 1 ½ feet. 2- Personal : 2- Personal :1 ½ feet to 4 feet. 3- Social : 3- Social : 4 to 12 feet. 4- Public : 4- Public : 12 to 15 feet. 24

Gestures Gesturing can add emphasis, warmth, depth, or power to the spoken word. Nonverbal gestures may also be culturally related. 25

Facial expression In assertive communication, the facial expression is congruent with the nonverbal message. 26

Voice It conveys a message by its loudness, softness, degree and placement of emphasis, and evidence of emotional tone. 27

Fluency Being able to discuss a subject with ease and with obvious knowledge conveys assertiveness and self-confidence. This message is impeded by numerous pauses or filler words such as “and, uh…” or “you know….” 28

Timing Assertive responses are most effective when they are spontaneous and immediate. Non-assertive response “ If only I had said... ” 29

Listening  Assertive listening means: Giving the other individual full attention by making eye contact, nodding to indicate acceptance of what is being said. Taking time to understand what is being said before giving a response. 30

Thoughts Cognitive processes affect one’s assertive behavior 31

Content Many times individuals do not respond to unpleasant situation because “ I just didn’t know what to say.” perhaps what is being said is not as important as how it is said. Assertive: “ I’m really angry about what you said.” Aggressive: “You’re a real jerk for saying that.” 32

What can I do to become more assertive? Learn the following assertive techniques.

ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES * Standing up for ones basic human rights. * Assuming responsibility for ones own statements. * Responding as a “broken record”. * Agreeing assertively

ASSERTIVE TECHNIQUES * Inquiring assertively. * Shifting from content to process. * Clouding/fogging. * Defusing. * Delaying assertively. * Responding assertively.

Standing up for ones basic human rights “I have the right to express my opinion.” 36

Assuming responsibility for ones own statements “I don’t want to go out with you tonight,” Instead of Instead of “I can’t go out with you tonight” ( It implies a lack of power or ability.) 37

Responding as a “broken record” Persistently repeating in a calm voice what is wanted. “ I don’t want to………..” 38

Agreeing assertively Assertively accepting negative aspect about oneself; admitting when an error has been made. “ yes, I didn’t do a very good job of conducting the meeting today.” 39

Inquiring assertively seeking additional information about critical statements. “ Were you offended that I spoke up for my beliefs, or was it because my beliefs are in direct opposition to yours?” 40

Shifting from content to process changing the focus of the communication from discussing the topic at hand to analyzing what is actually going on in the interaction. Wife: Would you please call me if you will be late for dinner?” Husband: “Why don’t you just get off my back! I always have to account for every minutes of my time with you!” Wife: “Sounds to me like we need to discuss some other things here. What are you really angry about?” 41

Clouding/fogging concurring with the critic's argument without becoming defensive and without agreeing to change. Nurse#1: “You never come to the Nurses’ Association meetings. I don’t know why you ever belong.” Nurse#2: “You are right. I haven’t attended many of the meetings.” 42

Defusing putting off further discussion with an angry individual until he or she is calmer. “You are very angry right now. I don’t want to discuss this matter with you while you are so upset. I will discuss it with you in my office at 3 o’clock this afternoon.” 43

Delaying assertively putting off further discussion with another individual until one is calmer. “That’s a very challenging position you have taken, Mr. Brown. I’ll need time to give it some thought. I’ll call you later this afternoon.” 44

Responding assertively with irony Man: “I bet you’re one of them so-called women’s libbers, aren’t you?” Woman: “Yes, thank you for noticing.” 45

HOW DO YOU PRACTICE IT? To be assertive, you need to remember how worthy you are. You stand up for what you know is right. You don’t allow others to treat you unjustly. You set limits with others by letting them know what you will and will not do. When you have ideas, you speak out.

Practising With a friend, practise being assertive in a certain situation, such as refusing to take on extra work, or giving constructive criticism to a colleague Explain the scenario to your friend. Using role-play, go through the situation, making your points clearly with your friend responding as the other person For example: "I'd be delighted to help you with that piece of work, but we'll need to agree what other current projects you don't want me to do, because I won't have time to do them all"

Practising Afterwards, ask your friend to tell you what went well and where you could make improvements Try the situation again Then swap roles to see the other person's point of view Once you have practised being more assertive, think through your new techniques before entering a situation that requires assertiveness Imagine your body language, work out how to deliver your message clearly. Imagine how you will react to any possible responses

Reminder Assertiveness = Personal Authority + Confidence in Your Skills + Sense of Purpose + Commitment to Goals

Use good communication to transmit your requests and feelings. Don’t Go Down the Passive or Aggressive Road Passive Assertive Aggressive Passive Assertive Aggressive

Being assertive allows you to engage respectfully with other people, whilst also respecting your own needs Important parts of assertiveness are open, secure body language and clear communication Techniques are available to improve your Assertiveness skills

Any question

References Townsend, C.M., (2003): Psychiatric Mental Health Nursing, Concept of Care, 4 th Ed., Robert G. Marton.