Date Developing Healthy Relationships Objective: 9.ICR1.4: I will summarize principles of healthy dating. 9.ICR.1.5 I will explain how power and control in relationships can contribute to aggression and violence. I will create a personal, healthy relationship dating advertisement.

Are you setting yourself up for a good relationship and the opportunity to experience real love ?

Journal Write: Healthy relationships Read: Dear Boy/Girl Write your own version of Dear Boy/Girl -Include at least 3 characteristics you want them to accept about you and at least 3 characteristics you want them to have

Is This Love? What does love look like?

Boys vs. Girls Who should initiate a date? Who should pay for the date? What is a quality or qualities you desire from your partner? What behaviors on a date or with your partner would make you feel uncomfortable?

CLASS DISCUSSION ✤ What are some teenage dating mistakes?

Dating mistakes...thoughts? ✤ 1. Do you attach or mold yourself to the other person? ✤ 2. Can you “stand on your own two feet” without the other person? ✤ 3. Do you jeopardize important relationships with friends and family members to be with your boyfriend/girlfriend? ✤ 4. Do you have low expectations for your relationship? Do you “hope” that things will get better? ✤ 5. Do you only date “bad boys?” ✤ 6. Later on... Do you set time or age limits?

Do you mold yourself? Can you stand on your own two feet?

STEP 1: Before I jump in…… Are you prepared to have a wonderful relationship? ✤ 1. Do you accept yourself and feel good about yourself? ✤ 2. Do you have the skills and confidence to communicate your needs? ✤ 3. Do you know what you want in a relationship? ✤ 4. Do you have high expectations for a relationship?

Qualities of a Healthy relationship Respect Shares similar values Allowing for individuality Bring out the best qualities in each other Accepting each other for who you are Raises self-esteem and self-worth Expressing feeling spontaneously Feeling secure and comfortable Enjoying the time you spend together Taking interest in each other’s lives Having more good times than bad People in your life being happy about your relationship Encouraging other friendships Having good communication Being supportive Trusting each other Encouraging independence Finding comfort in each other Using words to build each other up Accepting of self and other’s faults Use compromise to resolve conflicts

With a partner..... ✤ Create a special Saturday day or night “healthy”date. ✤ What will make the date memorable? ✤ You will share this with the class.

From anonymous… ✤ “It started off like most relationships do. He was nice, good looking, and really seemed interested in me. Everything was going great for a while until he started getting overly concerned with where I was going and who I was spending time with. ✤ I didn’t mind at first because I figured that he must really love me to be so worried about me all the time. But then, he began criticizing my clothes, telling me that I was dressing too sexy and accused me of flirting with other guys. He started to get jealous any time I wanted to go out with friends, and even accused me of cheating. We were arguing all the time and I began feeling like I couldn’t do anything right and I wasn’t good enough. ✤ Sometimes he would get so mad that I worried he might hit me. Luckily, he never did. The interesting thing is that I thought that abuse just meant violence. I learned later that abuse could mean a lot of things. ✤ What was unhealthy about this relationship? ✤ Are teenagers involved in abusive relationships? ✤ Do people confuse jealous and possessiveness with love?

“We accept the love we think we deserve”

Qualities of an unhealthy relationship ✤ Trying to control the person ✤ Making one feel bad about himself/herself ✤ Using words to inflict emotional pain ✤ Being obsessive and allowing little or no privacy (wants to spend every minute together) ✤ Pushing, hitting, grabbing, or harming the other or objects with personal value ✤ Having more bad times than good ✤ Having received advice to leave the relationship ✤ Forcing one to cut ties with other friends and family members ✤ Afraid or frightened by the other’s actions ✤ Condescending treatment ✤ Constantly creating excuses or defending behavior

How power leads to abuse Power is the possession of control, authority, or influence over others. Is power GOOD or BAD ? How does power lead to abuse? 1. Emotional Abuse:  Degrading remarks and breaks down partner’s self- esteem 2. Physical Abuse:  Hitting, pushing, grabbing, throwing of objects, etc 3. Sexual Abuse:  Any form of unwanted sexual contact 4. Stalking:  Unwanted, obsessive, and Intimidating attention and consistent monitoring

Try by Pink What are the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship?

Effects of an unhealthy relationship ✤ 1. Low self-esteem or depression ✤ 2. May become involved with alcohol and drugs ✤ 3. May engage in risky sexual behaviors ✤ 4. Physical and emotional scars ✤ 4. After break up, a person may become discouraged or give up on love ✤ 5. Other effects?

What healthy or unhealthy qualities do you see?

What healthy or unhealthy qualities do you see?

If the characteristics of an unhealthy relationship are easy to recognize, then why is it that 1 out of 3 teens have experienced violence in a dating relationship?

Dating Bill of Rights 1. Be treated with respect 2. Share common experiences 3. Ask for what they want 4. Give and receive expressions of affection 5. Be accepted for who they are 6. Clearly communicate their needs 7. Feel safe with their date 8. Say “No” and not feel guilty 9. Have fun 10. Make decisions 11. Express their own thoughts and feels 12. Never be forced to do anything 13. Make mistakes and be forgiven 14. Be treated as an equal

Go Out, Have Fun, Date and Be Safe ✤ Beforehand: 1. Know your values and boundaries. 2. Arrange date plans. Go somewhere public or group date with friends 3. Make sure you have an alternative plan and a ride home if something goes wrong ✤ On the Date: 1. Don’t drink alcohol or use drugs 2. Be able to state your boundaries 3. Stay with a group of people. 4. Watch your body language. Make sure you are clearly saying what you want 5. Be aware of the situation. If you start to feel uncomfortable, leave!

Smore.com Expectations for advertisement: ✤ Creative Title ✤ 5 or more qualities that you seek in a partner ✤ 5 or more turn-offs ✤ Short essay (in complete sentences) of your Dream Date ✤ 1 or more Student Created quote or philosophy on love or relationships ✤ 1 or more quote by Famous people, celebrity, or movie on love or relationships ✤ 2 or more pictures (personal or found online)