You Just Don’t Understand by: Deborah Tannen ANTONIO BERBER 3/18/15

Idea Behind the Book

Importance of Metamessages  What are Metamessages?  Lead to Asymmetry

Communication styles Men  Hierarchical or stratified Women  Collaborative

Intimacy vs. Independence Men  Seek independence Women  Seek intimacy

Talking Characteristics Women  More likely to talk at home  Talk about personal life “gossip” Men  More likely to talk in public or business settings  Talk about politics, news, and sports

Types of Conversations Men  Tend to sit next to each other  Indirect when expressing personal problems  More likely to make decisions independently Women  Tend to sit close to each other or face each other  More likely to be direct in their speech  More likely to consult with each other before making decisions

Conflict Styles Men  Necessary to establish status  Friendships have an element of friendly aggression Women  Threat to connection or relationship  Conflict is to be avoided at all costs

Is change needed?  NO, you just need to understand the differences  Women can be more assertive or direct  Men be more sensitive and listen more