Interpersonal Attraction Chapter 10

 Much of the day-to-day meaning in life comes from them.  People feel lonely and alienated without them Why are relationships important?

 Proximity/propinquity  Mere exposure  Similarity  Attitudes and values  Physical appearance  Interests  demographics Factors in Interpersonal Attraction

 Physical Appearance/attractiveness  Reciprocal Liking  Familiarity  Related to propinquity, similarity, and reciprocal liking Factors in Interpersonal Attraction

 Stereotype: attractive people are more extraverted, sociable and popular  They are more assertive, sexual, and happier  May be a self-fulfilling prophecy What is Beautiful is Good

 Sternberg’s Triangular Theory  1) passion  2) intimacy  3) commitment What is love?

 Companionate Love  Intimacy and affection without passion Types of Love

 Passionate Love  Intense longing with physiological arousal Types of Love

 Consummate Love  Involves passion, intimacy, and commitment Types of Love

 Cultural differences in Expectations and experience  Americans value passionate love  Asian collectivist societies value companionate love  Romantic love is almost universal Love is Universal

What Is Attachment?  Attachment – an emotional bond between two people

 Styles usually based on experience with mother/caregiver as a baby  Style can be modified in adulthood Attachment

When, how & why does Attachment develop?  By 6 months, infants show obvious signs of attachment to their mothers (primary caregivers)  Freud suggested that this is the foundation for all later relationships.  Psychoanalysts & behaviorists thought that feeding was the basis for attachment.  Harry Harlowe later demonstrated that “contact comfort” was the important variable.

Social Development  Harlow’s Surrogate Mother Experiments  Monkeys preferred contact with the comfortable cloth mother, even while feeding from the nourishing wire mother

Attachment & Later Development  Attachment provides inner feelings of affection & security.  Securely attached preschoolers were high in self- esteem, socially competent, cooperative and popular.  Avoidantly attached agemates were isolated and disconnected.  Resistantly attached agemates were disruptive and difficult.

Attachment Styles  Mary Ainsworth (1979) identified three attachment styles between infants and caregiver:  Secure attachment style (70%) - caregiver is responsive to infant’s needs; infant trusts caregiver  Avoidant attachment style (20%) - caregiver is distant or rejecting; infant suppresses desire to be close to caregiver  Ambivalent attachment style (10%) - caregiver is inconsistently available and overbearing with affection; infant clings anxiously to caregiver and then fights against closeness by pushing away

Links Between Attachment in Childhood and Close Relationships in Adulthood  Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver (1987) examined continuity between childhood attachment and romantic relationships  Securely attached infants are more likely to have a secure attachment to adult romantic partner  Individuals with avoidant attachment style in childhood find it difficult to develop intimate relationship in adulthood  Individuals can revise attachment styles in adulthood

Types of Attachment in Adolescence  Secure autonomous  Dismissing avoidant  Rejected by caregiver; deny importance of attachment; related to violent behavior  Preoccupied ambivalent  Attachment seeking; parent inconsistently available; high conflict  Unresolved disorganized  Had traumatic experience; disoriented, fearful

Adult Attachment Styles  Secure – good relationships: trust; not concerned about being abandoned, sees self-as worthy, well-liked  Insecure avoidant – difficulty establishing relationships; quickly end relationships; suppresses attachment needs due to having been rebuffed  Ambivalent – less trusting, more jealous, tend to anger and emotional intensity, anxiety over concern that need for intimacy will not be reciprocated

 Economic model of rewards and costs  Relationship satisfaction based on:  Rewards and costs  Relationship deserved  Chances of a better relationship Social Exchange Theory

 Terms –  Comparison level – expectations, relationship satisfaction depends on this  Comparison level for alternatives – What are your chances of a better relationship? Also affects relationship satisfaction Social Exchange Theory

 The theory that relationship commitment depends on not only the comparison level and comparison level for alternatives, but on how much they have invested in the relationship and stand to lose if they leave. Investment Model

 The best relationships are those where both parties are making roughly equal contributions (and rewards = costs).  These relationships are the most stable and the happiest. Equity Theory

 Low cost, high reward  Does not devote enough time and effort to the relationship One Person Over-benefitted

 High-cost, low reward  Devotes much time and energy  Inequity more important to this person One-person Underbenefitted

 In America, the divorce rate is nearly 50% of the current marriage rate (Probably more realistically 30% overall). Ending Relationships

 Actively harming the relationship:  Partner abuse  Threatening to leave  Leaving  Passively permitting deterioration:  Ignoring partner  refusing to deal with problems Behavior in Troubled Relationships

 Constructive Behaviors Passive loyalty waiting and being optimistic not fighting, being supportive Active Attempts to Improve discussing problems going to counseling trying to change Behavior in Troubled Relationships

 Breakers feel less distress than breakers.  Try to make it mutual. The Process of Breaking Up