Conflict Resolution Marc Woodyard and Sarah Moran

Conflict Through the Ages AgeConflict Style 3-6Name calling, consult adults (tattling), hitting, isolating bothersome children, quickly forget/dismiss conflict 7-12Hitting, beginnings of gossip, name calling, consult adults less 13-18Gossiping, ignoring (silence treatment), holding grudges, physical violence, gender differences become more apparent 19-25Passive aggressive behavior, stalking, violence, threats, discrimination, gossiping 26+Caring responses, discontinue friendship, avoidance and silent treatment, passive aggression, gossiping/ranting ElderlyExperiences mostly internal conflicts, ranting, less interpersonal conflict

Focusing on Our Age Group Passive Aggressive: bottle up experiences leading to eventual explosion of feelings, ‘venting’ to others, conflict is never actually explored between parties Aggressive: overwhelming, scary, does not create inviting atmosphere, hostile, hard to resolve after (lingering fear) Silent Treatment: no shared understanding of conflict, avoidance, does not resolve the conflict, creates resentment Honest and Open Communication: straightforward, considering the feelings of the other, honest, creates a feeling of exploration rather than attack

Best Practice: Conflict Use active listening Treat the conflict and the person as if they matter Keep the conflict in mind, how much will it effect you in 10 minutes, ten days, ten years? Use “I” statements Have a team-oriented goal, “We are going to work through this together to achieve the best outcome for each of us” Make sure that each party is not feeling attacked Adapted from 2002 “The Power of Conversation” Workshop-Larry Roper

Healthy Conflict Resolution Model Involves both people’s ideas Makes conflict manageable Defines the problem Establishes a goal

Warning Signs Social withdrawal Excessive feelings of isolation and being alone Excessive feelings of rejection Being a victim of violence Feelings of being picked on and persecuted Expression of violence in writings and drawings Patterns of impulsive and chronic hitting, intimidating, and bullying behaviors History of discipline problems Past history of violent and aggressive behavior Intolerance for differences and prejudicial attitudes Drug use and alcohol use Inappropriate access to, possession of, and use of firearms Serious threats of violence Uncontrolled anger Dwyer, K., Osher, D., & Warger, C. (1998). Early warning, timely response: A guide to safe schools. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education.

Resources available in Bellingham Whatcom Dispute Resolution Center Bellingham Mediation Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services

The mission of the WDRC is to promote understanding, tolerance, and healing in our community by helping people transform conflict into creative and harmonious outcomes. To this end, the center will educate and train people in peaceful conflict resolution and provide competent and neutral third parties to mediate or otherwise empower disputants to resolve conflicts in equitable and cooperative ways. Offers conflict prevention and intervention services for a variety of situations Prevention: Teaches people how to manage conflict and prevent it Intervention: Offers mediation, facilitation, and consultation services Recognizes that conflict is a natural part of life, and so teaches how to manage it in creative and healthy ways Provides training courses to become a professional mediator

Bellingham Mediation's approach is facilitative, collaborative and interest-based. Clients are assisted both individually and together to explore, identify and articulate their needs, issues and interests; distinguish between objective facts and personal values; brainstorm, generate and discuss all possible options for resolution; decide on mutually agreeable solutions and avenues for future communication and conflict resolution. Run by professional mediator and workplace consultant, Sheri Russell, JD Specializes in mediating a variety of conflicts/issues divorce, parenting plans, and family issues family/parent — teen issues employment and workplace issues discrimination and harassment complaints Individual conflict coaching Assists clients in exploring the issue and arriving peacefully at an agreeable resolution

The mission of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services (DVSAS) is to support individuals affected by domestic violence and sexual assault and to lead the community towards ending these abuses of power. Offers a variety of services for those experiencing domestic violence or sexual assault: 24-hour hotline; Walk-in services; Support groups; Crisis Intervention; Ongoing Advocacy; Legal Advocacy; Medical Advocacy; Social Service Advocacy Offers preventative services through education and training For schools, youth groups, businesses, and organizations Provides referrals to community services for assistance and safety

References Dwyer, K., Osher, D., & Warger, C. (1998). Early warning, timely response: A guide to safe schools. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education. Roper, L. (2002). The power of conversation. Ross, I. D. (2004). Modelling conflict resolution. Vievolve Ltd