Men of Action Coalition presents “Life After High School Summit” May 9, 2014 “Be a REAL MAN” by Ryan Berryman, MSW

SOCIALIZATION Society’s definition of a “Man”

SOCIALIZATION Three (3) Myths of Masculinity 1.Ball Field: Athletic ability, size, strength, skill set, etc. 2.Bedroom: Sexual conquest. 3.Billfold: Economic success.

Social Mandates for Masculinity  Boys don’t cry!  Stop the whining!  Stop being a sissy!  Don’t be a “girly”!  Act like a man!  Be tough!  Fight back!  Be a Man!

Boys who are taught to suppress or hold back their feelings will eventually grow up to become “alexithymia”. (“a” = without; “lex” = words; “thymic” = emotions or feelings.)  Alexithymia is lacking the ability to put ones emotions and feelings into words.  A condition where a person seems to lack emotions.  Also the inability to appreciate the emotional motivation of others.  May be humorless, unimaginative and have unusual priorities in their decision making.

COVERT DEPRESSION Attempting to seek relief or healing of a “wound” or painful past experience(s). “Masking” the “wound” or pain through …..  Isolation  Substance Abuse  Violence/Anger

ISOLATION  Depression  Suicidal thoughts and ideals  Self mutilation/self harm  Eating disorders (i.e., anorexia, bulimia, etc.)  Self Identity issues

Substance Abuse  Drug addictions (methamphenimine, marijuana, heroin, ecstasy, prescription drugs, etc.)  Alcoholism  Inhalers (i.e., spray paint, gasoline, helium, etc.)

Violence  Anger Management issues  Child abuse  Domestic violence  Property destruction  Criminal activity  Gang activity and Violence  Homicidal Behavior Example: “Hurt people, hurt people.”

“Be A Man” Socialization Social Mandate Alexithymia Covert Depression Isolation Substance Abuse Violence

Masculinity – Three (3) Requirements 1. Spirituality: Belief and understanding in the “Creator” who designed “true masculinity”. The “Author” of “Love” and “Relationships”. 2. Relationships: The ability to love and to be loved. “Love” is defined as the sacrificial giving of yourself for the betterment of others. 3. Cause: Being Committed to a Cause in order to make the world a better place. Leaving a positive legacy for future generations.

BE a REAL MAN ….. is a journey into “Self Discovery”. 1. Who are you? “Purpose”, Cause for Living” 2. What are you about? “Gifts”, “Talents”, “Character” 3. Where are you going? “Destiny”, “Goals”, “Dreams”

A Real Man is….  “Someone who knows the reality of who he is and who lives in that reality.”  “A Real Man is a Man Who’s Real.” Books and References  Dalbey, Gordon, ““Healing the Masculine Soul”, published by Thomas Nelson,  Eldredge, John, “Wild at Heart, Discovering the Secrets of a Man’s Soul”, published by Thomas Nelson,  Erhmann, Joe, “InSide/Out Coaching”, published by Simon and Schuster,  Munroe, Myles, “Understanding the Purpose and Power of Men”, published by Whitaker House,  abbafather.com