The Effect of “Enough” and “Not Enough on Health, Stress And Relationships Dr. Fran Allen Spring Professional Development: “It’s All About You” April 23 & 27, 2015

Introductions Something About Yourself ◦ (Do not share what you do or where you work) Use a Feeling Word from the Chart and Share How You Are Feeling

Question What Does “Not Enough” Mean?

The Mirror What Do You See? What Do You Say to Yourself?

The “Scarcity” Culture “Never enough” “We are not enough” ◦ Brene Brown

The Question Why am I so infrequently the person I want to be?

The Real Question Why do you so infrequently want to be the person you really are?

The Answer “Because you have no faith that who you are is enough”  The Dance by Oriah

Question What Does it Mean to Be “Enough”

Authenticity Really Being Seen Vulnerability Worthiness  Brene Brown—TED talk

“Living Wholeheartedly” Courage Compassion Connection  Brene Brown

The Gifts of Imperfection “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy-the experiences that make us the most vulnerable Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness, will we discover the infinite power of our light” Brene Brown

Questions What Does “Enough” and Health Look Like? What Does “Not Enough” and Health Look Like?

Question What Do Your Health Behaviors Say About Your Feelings of Being “Enough or Not Enough”?

Enough and Health Eat Like You Love Yourself Move Like You Love Yourself Speak Like You Love Yourself Act Like You Love Yourself  Source: ambitiouskitchen

Stress What does “Not Enough” and Stress Look Like? What does Stress and “Enough” Look Like?

Stress and Anxiety Being afraid of things going wrong isn’t the way to make things go right

Stress: Negative self-talk Don’t be a victim of negative self-talk.. ◦ Remember –you are listening!

Relationships: Self and Others What Does “Not Enough” Look Like? What does “Enough” Look Like?

Boundaries Who do you allow close? How do your emotional boundaries differ from your physical boundaries? What are differences between boundaries at work or at home?

Relationships: Self and Others Some people are going to love you no matter what you do and some people will never love you no matter what you do ◦ Go where the love is….

Relationships: Self and Others Try to love yourself as much as you want someone else to…

Relationships: Self and Others “The fact that someone else loves you, doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself.” Sahaj Kohli

Love Yourself “You cannot give away what you don’t have” ◦ The Third Secret-10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace  Dr. Wayne Dyer

The Journey Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un- becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place  Unknown

Courage It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are  E.E. Cummings

The Myth of Failure Failure is a judgment-it comes from your fears which can be eliminated by love  Dr. Wayne Dyer

Ancient Wisdom “Fear knocked at the door. Love answered and no one was there”

Relationships: Self and Others It’s easy to judge. It’s more difficult to understand. Understanding requires compassion, patience and a willingness to believe that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods. Through judging we separate. Through understanding we grow.  Doe Zantamata

Relationships: Self and Others Surround yourself with people who make you hungry for life, touch your heart and nourish your soul.

Barriers vs Builders Negative Assuming: “I didn’t tell you because you always get upset” You always think….” Builder: “How do you want to deal with this…”, “What are your thoughts on this…”What will you need to be ready for this…

Barriers vs. Builders Rescuing/Explaining: “ _____is what is happening” “_____ is why it is happening” “______ is how to deal with that” Builder: “What did you experience in that situation” “Why is that significant” “How might you apply what you have learned”

The Journey Don’t think about what can happen in a month. Don’t think what can happen in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be. 

Barriers vs. Builders Directing: “Don’t forget_______”, “Pick that up” “Do it this way” Builder: I would appreciate any help you could give me in straightening up”, “How do you plan to do this”

Barriers vs. Builders Expecting: I was expecting dinner to be ready” “You should know that already” Builder: “ I appreciate the effort you made to start dinner”” What did you learn from trying to do that”

Barriers vs. Builders Adultisms: “You know better than that” “Surely you realize”, “Grow up” Builder: “What is your perception of” “How do you see this issue” “Let me check out what you think”

The Journey Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.  Maya Angelou

The Journey Intentions are like magnets; the more we declare them, believe in them, and act in ways to manifest them, the more powerful and real they become.  Unknown

The Journey “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts”  Winston Churchill