 Immediately communicate to the other person without words, that you are attending to them and that you are glad to do it.  Be careful that your facial expression is positive. A smile is hard to beat. On some people perplexity, concern and concentration appear more like disbelief or hostility.  Use the SOLER position when attending (see box).

 S it or stand squarely.  O pen posture.  L ean toward.  E ye contact maintained.  R elaxed body posture.

 Gestures animate discussions. Use whatever gestures you are comfortable with unless they are aggressive or patronizing and directed toward the student.  Use a friendly tone of voice.  Avoid nervous mannerisms, particularly drumming fingers and jiggling feet. These movements communicate impatience with the meeting.

 Notice how you’re being affected by the other person’s nonverbal messages.  Practice and observe. Experience is the best way for you to become adept at picking up the nonverbal cues in yourself and others.  Your body is always communicating: Make sure your nonverbal behavior is exerting a positive influence on the other person.

RESPECT  Value others simply because they are human beings.  Be available and willing to help.  Suspend your critical judgment.  Express warmth. Guidelines for Listening Skills

MINIMAL ENCOURAGERS  Use small prompts to lead into further exploration or clarification of the student’s needs.  “Uh-huh”  “Mmm”  “Yes”  “I see”  “Ah”  “Oh”  Nonverbal nodding of head. Guidelines for Listening Skills

REQUEST FOR CLARIFICATION  Seek clarification whenever communication is unclear.  A simple request is sufficient: “I’m not sure I understand what you mean by…Could you clarify?” Guidelines for Listening Skills

QUESTIONS  Use open-ended questions to clarify and elaborate.  “What …?”  “How …?”  “Why …?”  “When …?”  “Who …?”  “Where …?”  Use closed-ended questions to find facts when the specific situation is known. Guidelines for Listening Skills

Jill Hendricks UWG Patient Health Advocate

SUMMARY  Use summary to clarify.  A summary is particularly useful after a long or complicated response.  Summarizing helps to keep the student on track. Guidelines for Listening Skills

EMPATHY AND PARAPHRASE  See the issue from the student’s perspective and communicate this perception to the student.  Use empathy to establish a rapport with the student.  Be sure to use the proper tone and language. Guidelines for Listening Skills

 Listen, don’t assume.  Understand the student exactly.  Communicate your understanding.

 Always take responsibility for the confrontation.  Be simple and direct when confronting but proceed openly and smoothly.  Exhibit confident and assertive body language; direct but not threatening. Guidelines for Confrontation Skills

 Be concrete and specific in your confrontation.  Confront behavior, distortions, discrepancies, games, etc., in a positive and constructive manner.  Make no assumptions about who’s wrong, who’s distorting or who has superior values. Guidelines for Confrontation Skills

 Identify feelings as feelings rumors as rumors and facts as facts.  If tension, social distance or hostility impedes discussion, use immediacy to discuss what is happening in the present moment.  Insure that the tone and manner of your challenge does not aggravate the situation. Guidelines for Confrontation Skills

 If appropriate, focus on the person’s strengths, but don’t confuse the or dilute the confrontation by turning it into a personality buildup session. Guidelines for Confrontation Skills

Rather than accept the challenge in a positive way, the other person might try to sidetrack or control the confrontation by attempting to:  Discredit you as a challenger, implying that you have many faults yourself or are not someone qualified to challenge them.  Devalue the issue at hand, implying that it might be true but it is no big deal. Defensive Responses

Rather than accept the challenge in a positive way, the other person might try to sidetrack or control the confrontation by attempting to:  Persuade you to change your views. This usually takes the form of rationalization.  Agree with you, but without sincerity. Ignore any of these attempts and continue to focus on resolving the issue at hand Defensive Responses

 Never argue.  Never patronize.  Communicate your respect at all times.