Bringing People Together Challenges and Opportunities Conflict Resolution Saskatchewan Inc. & The ADR Institute of Saskatchewan

Agenda Introductions Guidelines Opening Address –Intense emotions, anger, rage and the Brain Transformative learning : – The cooperative learning process Introduce self best skill in work with group What I could use your help with – “We learn what we teach.”

REPTILIAN BRAIN Instinctual survival Fight,Flight, Freeze Aggression Anger Fear Revenge

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Whole brain thinking

Managing anger

Fever is your body’s effort to send white blood cells to illness; hot enough to drive out germs, bacteria. Low fever & high fever need different response.

First Feeling + Trigger = Anger

Under Anger Hurt Grieving Frustrated Humiliated Scared Rejected Embarrassed Trapped- no options HALT- – Hungry – Angry already – Lonely – Tired

Stop and breathe 3 deep breathes Act on the safest choice Reflect on what worked Reward to feel good afterward Think of 10 ideas for what to do Manage your anger- Be a STARR

Auditory Visual Kinesthetic internal Kinesthetic external Learning Styles

Tell me, and I will forget. Show me, and I may remember. Involve me, and I will understand. Confucius, 450 B.C.

How many squares? 5

How many squares? Work alone and fast, this is a competition. Write your answer on a paper and raise your hand. The first 3 are winners.

How many squares? Take as long as you need to get the answer. Work individually.

How many squares? Work together to find an answer, Help each other understand.

BASE GROUPS

EXPERT GROUPS

Unpacking Root Causes 9-10:15 Working groups: 9- 9:15 1.High and Low context cultures and communication 2.Life skills- Anger and emotional intelligence 3.Trauma, Abuse and violence contributors 4.Mental illness & immediate situational contributors Base groups: 9:15- 9: 45 Working group (1,2,3,4) reports (5 minutes each) How does understanding possible root causes inform our work? In their shoes- if you experienced some of the root causes described, how would you wish to be treated? Questions for the big group

How can I respond in relating with a volatile person, staying safe and helping another? Swimming metaphor Pre mediation work – Co- mediator- don’t go alone – Anger, rage, volatility Past patterns Current stressors – Support

How can I respond in relating with a volatile person, staying safe and helping another? 11-11:45 Working groups: 11-11:15 – Respect – Resilience – Diversity –reflecting our community – Environment – Space, exits, timing Base groups: 11:15- 11:45 Reports of working groups Brainstorm ideas that will help prevent volatile eruptions in the environments of your work Questions and insights to Big group

A man had 17 camels He left his 17 camels to his three sons on his death. The oldest son would get 1/2 the camels. The middle son would get 1/3 of the camels. The youngest son would get 1/9 of the camels. The sons were confused. Then a wise Woman came along on her camel And resolved the problem. How many camels did each son get?

LEO Listen: – Body language (face them, open body stance) – Tone and volume, Do your eyes show interest? (or are you busy taking notes?) – Ask open ended questions – Encourage talking (that must have been difficult, thank you for telling me) – Give them room – Suspend Judgment, Avoid moving to premature solutions Empathize: – Confirms you understand their point of view – Lets them know you heard their story – Demonstrates comfort and competence – Lays groundwork for problem solving – Helps build common ground – “So you feel___________ because it seems to you____________ ?” – Restate feelings, their view and check to make sure you got it right? – Model desired emotional state (breathe, be calm, attentive) Options: – Get their attention- confirm understanding- move to desired outcome – Offer Options-“I can think of some options, want to hear them? – Co-create options, neutral language – Plot a course- next steps (KIS) –

NVC 1. OBSERVE: The concrete actions we are observing that are affecting our well-being 2. FEELINGS: How we feel in relation to what we are observing 3.NEEDS: The needs, values, desires, etc. that are creating our feelings 4.REQUEST: The concrete action we request in order to enrich our lives

NLP Visual Auditory Kinesthetic internal Kinesthetic external – “ I can see that you feel frustrated and angry; that no one seems to be listening to you. Come and lets you and I see if we can sort this out.”

Conflict Management and Transformation It is time: – To honour our values of respect, compassion and treating others as we would wish to be treated. – To expand our life skills as we live cooperatively in increasingly diverse communities – To embrace conflict as an opportunity for learning and growth Transformation is possible-”Our peaceful world is not a place without conflict. Rather it is a place where we resolve our conflicts with respect, compassion, and a shared goal of understanding. Let us honour each other in the process.”

Key skills for working with conflict: Respecting the people and understanding the problem Separating the people and the problem Focus on interests not positions Common Interests Creating Options- why brainstorming works Emotional and social intelligence skills Heart felt Compassion “People do the best they can with what they know. When they know better, they do better.” Maya Angelo

If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against. The struggle between ‘for’ and ‘against’ is the mind’s worst disease. Sent-ts’an, c CE Zen master

Skill Development Base groups practice LEO method & NVC – Create an example – Practice responding-both methods – Request feedback What you did well Debrief methods as a group – Make it your own- prepare a script After Anger and volatility – now what?

Putting it all together In your group with colleagues: – Introduce yourselves – What I do well…. discuss : – Challenges unique to your circumstances – Prevention – Environment – Processes most effective with your community –

Putting it all together - self care Individuals and community care Left overs Evaluation

Compassion: Doing Wholehearted Work

Escalation of Conflict Latent Tensions Overt Conflict Power Struggle Destructive Violence

Why Conflict Escalates Latent Tensions Overt Conflict Power Struggle Destructive Violence Frustrated needs Poor skills Weak relationships

Why Conflict Escalates Latent Tensions Overt Conflict Power Struggle Destructive Violence Conflicting interests Disputed rights Unequal power Injured relationships

Why Conflict Escalates Latent Tensions Overt Conflict Power Struggle Destructive Violence No attention No limitation No protection

Catching Conflict Before it Escalates Prevent Resolve Contain Power Struggle Overt Conflict Latent Tensions Destructive Violence

Prevent Sources of Tension Frustrated needs Poor skills Weak relationships Ways to Prevent The Provider The Teacher The Bridge-Builder

Resolve Sources of Conflict Conflicting interests Disputed rights Unequal power Injured relationships Ways to Resolve The Mediator The Arbiter The Equalizer The Healer

Contain Sources of Struggle No attention No limitation No protection Ways to Contain The Witness The Referee The Peacekeeper

“People do the best they can with what they know. When they know better, they do better.” Maya Angelo