2. A MESSAGE FROM YOUR TEENAGER Lincoln Community School Counseling Department 15 November 2012 6-7PM

3. Agenda:  Hear & gain insight into what our pre- teens, teens, young adults are identifying as challenges  Building Resilience  What were you thinking? (The Teen Brain)  Your Unique Teen PARENT EVENING

4. Setting Goals Balance Stress Puberty Misplaced Priorities You don’t understand Afraid of Disappointing You Making good choices Friends Be patient with me Being in the “in crowd” Fast Generation Listen to me You Think I’m Irresponsible A Message from Your Teen

5. ADOLESCENCE : DIFFICULT TO NAVIGATE For Teens AND Parents EQUIP TEENS WITH TOOLS Support Them in Setting Goals Putting First Things First Developing a Win-Win Mental Framework Not Me OR You- But Both of Us Promotes Getting Along Well with Others Celebrating Differences Openmindedness Teamwork/Community PARENT NOTE

6. LET’S EXPLORE PARENT ACTIVITY

7. Resilience CHALLENGES TOOLS PERSEVERE SELF AWARENESS/STRENGTH OF CHARACTER “BOUNCE BACK” =RESILIENCE USE HELPS NOTE TO PARENT & TEEN BUILDSBUILDS CAUSESCAUSES

8. Learning and developing appropriate personal/social skills is similar to learning and developing intellectual/academic skills. Teaching Moment - Practice – Guidance - Continued Reinforcement (REPEAT AS MANY TIMES AS NEEDED) LESSON LEARNED NOTE TO PARENT

9. On the journey from “teaching moment” to “lesson learned”, there will be many bumps in the road! PARENT NOTE

10. IT’S NOT MY FAULT! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! LEAVE ME ALONE! PARENT NOTE PARENT’S NOTE TO SELF: TAKE A DEEP BREATH! STAY CALM! TAKE ANOTHER DEEP BREATH!

11. Use “I” Messages…  State your feelings (I feel disappointed…)  Describe the feeling that caused the feeling (I feel disappointed that you lied…)  Explain what you would like them to do (…in the future I would like you to tell me the truth)

12. 3 PARENTING STYLES  AUTHORITARIAN: Strict on discipline, discourage verbal give & take, rules non-negotiable, parents always right, obedience & respect are highly valued  PERMISSIVE: Low or inconsistent with discipline, minimal structure, low on parent-to-child communication but high on child-to-parent communication, obedience to guidelines or standards minimally enforced  AUTHORITATIVE: Moderate on discipline, high in communication & emotional support, firm/consistent & fair, alternatives given, encouraged to decide & accept responsibility for actions and decisions (Parenting Styles: How they affect children Suheyla Sarac)

13. Things To Think About  Define the problem (AKA) opportunity  Seek to understand what your teen is saying  Hear & actively listen (even if you think the answer will be “no”)  Brainstorm and create new options & ideas (i.e. help them feel understood & part of the solution  Find the best solution (i.e. think win-win & what portion of the opportunity can you say “yes”) PARENT NOTE

14. LET’S EXPLORE PARENT ACTIVITY

15. Group Discussion & Activity  Dad: I don’t care how you feel. You’re not going to this party! Don’t think about lying. There’s going to be drinking at this party!  Teen: I never get to do anything! It will be the weekend and all my friends will be there!  Mother: I don’t know their parents, and I don’t want you out all night!  Teen: You never trust me! PARENT AND TEEN NOTE

16. “There’s a Hole in the Sidewalk” Teaching Moment - Practice – Guidance - Continued Reinforcement (REPEAT AS MANY TIMES AS NEEDED) LESSON LEARNED PARENT AND TEEN NOTE

17. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? THE TEEN BRAIN PARENT NOTE CEO of the brain ; last part to mature; Responsible for decision making; rational thoughts

18. PARENT NOTE Emotional center ; teens rely more heavily on this area; Can explain why adolescents react more impulsively WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? THE TEEN BRAIN

19. YOUR UNIQUE TEEN  YOUR SON/DAUGHTER IS SPECIAL & UNIQUE WITHIN HIS/HER OWN RIGHT  HE/SHE IS NAVIGATING THROUGH THIS PHASE – DEVELOP TOOLS & BUILD RESILIENCE  HIS/HER BRAIN IS STILL DEVELOPING – SO BE PATIENT  HIS/HER BODY IS CHANGING & HE/SHE IS TRYING TO FIND WHERE HE/SHE BELONGS  YOUR TEEN IS SENDING YOU A MESSAGE– LET’S HEAR & ACTIVELY LISTEN PARENT AND TEEN NOTE

20. WE ARE WORKING TOGETHER TO SUPPORT YOUR TEEN IN DEVELOPING TO HIS/HER FULLEST POTENTIAL! REMEMBER TO SEND A MESSAGE TO YOUR TEENAGER…HE/SHE IS LISTENING