Write A Concise Passage use few words express clear meaning

Tom is four years old and he is energetic. One day a bike was given to him. The bike is new and it is a light blue in color. Tom received the bike for his birthday. He struggled to ride his bike. He struggled for two hours. However, he was unsuccessful in riding the bike. Compare the passages Four-year-old Tom is energetic. One day, He got a light blue bike for his birthday. He Struggled for two hours to ride it, but he was unsuccessful.

Tom is four years old and he is energetic. One day a bike was given to him. The bike is new and it is a light blue in color. Tom received the bike for his birthday. He struggled to ride his bike. He struggled for two hours. However, he was unsuccessful in riding the bike. concise(best) wordy better

Improve the wordy sentence(I) 1. There are many people hunting animals for living in the mountain. 2. A girl likes Chinese food better. 3. The employee with anger quarreled with his boss. 4. In the not too far future, our dreams will come true. 5. He gave up school on condition of the reason that it was necessary for him to support his family. (angry) (prefer) (hunters) (near) (because)

Summary one: change phrases into single words

improve the wordy sentence(II) 1. His family live in a village which is near a river. 2. The house, which was newly built is very large. 3. People who are interested in the job must send your resume to our company before Friday. 4. We will have the party in the garden which is on the top of the main building. 5.While he is waiting for the bus, he always recites texts. (The newly-built house is very large) (People interested in the job must send your resume to our company before Friday.) (We will have the party in the garden on the top of the main building.) (While waiting for the bus or Waiting for…) (His family live in a village near a river)

Summary two: change unnecessary clauses into phrases

improve the wordy part(III) 1. A letter was sent by Mrs. Smith. 2. Your luggage will be checked by a custom official and then a pass card will be given to you. 3. The gifts should be wrapped up and written a few words of best wishes on by you. (Mrs. Smith sent a letter) (A custom official will check your luggage and give you a pass card.) (You should wrap up the gifts and write a few words of best wishes on them. )

Summary three: change useless passive into active

1. Change phrases into single words. 2. Change unnecessary clauses into phrases. 3. Change useless passive into active. Summaries:

Improve the following sentence(1) 1. Although Chinese is regularly used by students, a close and complete study of the subject is seldom taken by them. (Although students regularly use Chinese, they seldom take a close and complete study of the subject.)

2. I am familiar with the farmers who are planning to attend the meeting which is fixed for next Friday. Improve the sentence(2) (I am familiar with the farmers planning to attend the meeting fixed for next Friday.)

3. The decision that was reached by the committee was to put off the vote. (The committee reached the decision to put off the vote.) (The committee decided to put off the vote.) Improve the sentence(3)

Make the passage short and clear We’re so glad you will join in our picnic which will be held in the People’s Park. Here is how we can be found: After you go into the park, walk on till you see a river. Cross it and make a turn towards the right. Then a hill will be seen by you. Walk around to the other side of the hill, and a lake will be found by you. We will have our picnic in the small wood which is by the lake. I am sure you will have no trouble in finding us.

We’re so glad you will join in our picnic which will be held in the People’s Park. Here is how we can be found: After you go into the park, walk on till you see a river. Cross it and make a turn towards the right, then a hill will be seen by you. Walk around to the other side of the hill, and a lake will be found by you. We will have our picnic in the small wood which is by the lake. I am sure you will find us without any difficulty. Have you found it?

Build a concise passage Requirements: 1.Write a story about dog. 2.Use the first person: e.g. my parents, my sister… 3. Write concisely and clearly. 4. About 100 words.