Developing and enhancing relationships through understanding social styles

Overview Look at the four ‘Social Styles’ Explain the two dimensions of ‘Social Styles’ Map ourselves against the ‘Social Styles’ to understand ourselves better Review how understanding ‘Social Styles’ will help us have better relationships Discuss the ‘traits’ of each ‘Social Style’

Two Dimensions Good relationships may develop by allowing for the typical social style of the other. We can chart social styles on a two-dimensional matrix.

Two Dimensions - Assertiveness The first dimension is Assertiveness less assertive more assertive ASSERTIVENESS - co-operative - careful, well-considered actions - avoids risks - has moderate views - tends to avoid the use of power - lets others take the social initiative - asks questions - competitive - quick to act - takes risks - has outspoken views - tends to use power - takes the social initiative - makes statements

Two Dimensions – Emotional Control The first dimension is Emotional Control controlling emotions EMOTIONAL CONTROL reacting emotionally - cool, distant - uncommunicative (reserved, careful) - uses facts - well-considered opinions and actions - rational decision-making - demanding for self and others - impersonal and businesslike - warm, accessible - communicative (open, impulsive) - uses opinions - outspoken opinions - emotional decision-making - flexible for self and others - personal and kind

Two Dimensions – Four-quadrant matrix ANALYTICAL TYPE - critical - undecided - persevering - serious - well-considered - alert - systematic DRIVER TYPE - powerful - determined - tough - demanding - realistic - dominant - strong Typically, people will lack the strengths of the style diagonal to their own style: The helpful and supportive attitude of the Amiable is a typical weakness of the Driver. The contagious enthusiasm of the Expressive is seldom a feature of the Analytical. The goal-oriented approach of the Driver is often lacking in the Amiable. The precision of the Analytical seldom occurs with the Expressive. AMIABLE TYPE - supportive - timid - engaging - helpful - dependent - accessible - pleasant EXPRESSIVE TYPE - easily excited - encouraging - unrestrained - enthusiastic - lively - outspoken - likes company Each style has its particular strengths and weaknesses.  .

Style Flexibility In order to develop a good relationship with people having a different style than yours, you will have to display flexibility in your style.   "Styleflex" means that you do what is appropriate in a situation by reverting temporarily to behaviour that is typical of your own non-dominant social style. This will usually reduce feelings of tension within the other person. The styleflex concept should not be misunderstood. It does not mean that you should change your behaviour radically. It means that you will emphasise the modes of behaviour you share with the other. Indeed, your modes of behaviour often overlap with those of the other person. The focus should be on these shared modes of behaviour.

Style Flexibility Another aspect of styleflex is that you will select modes of behaviour that will add to or subtract from your ordinary patterns of behaviour.   An example: a Driver decided to change his behaviour into the direction of that of an Amiable person in three respects: He deliberately started speaking more slowly and left more silences in the discussion. He asked the Amiable person to voice his opinions, whereas he refrained from judging anything the Amiable person said until he had grasped the entire idea. Finally, the Driver formulated his opinions less forcefully than usually.    According to the Driver describing this interaction, these few changes contributed to a highly productive exchange of views with the Amiable person, whose assistance he needed to defend some of his proposals. Styleflex does not mean that you should give up your own goals. On the contrary: it means that you try to achieve your goals in a way that makes the person with a different social style feel more at ease.

How To Approach Different Social Styles – The Analytical To approach an Analytical type efficiently, you should first demonstrate that you are prepared to respect and support his principles, his way of thinking and his careful approach. This implies, amongst other things: Prepare your case well, preferably in writing: take down and arrange the ideas you want to put forth. The Analytical person will appreciate that you have devoted time and energy to your preparation, and you will be able to turn this to your advantage. Speak calmly and in a soft voice. Take your time to present your case and stick to the subject. Be systematic, exact and logical; produce sound, practical evidence; present specific data. Give the Analytical person the opportunity to check the reliability of what you're saying. What you shouldn't do when interacting with an Analytical type: Don't be sloppy or careless. Don't be impulsive, informal or noisy. Don't rush the decision-making process. Don't work at random; don't refer to unreliable sources. Never use someone's opinion as evidence.

How To Approach Different Social Styles – The Driver To approach a Driver type efficiently, you should not seek to make him change his ideas directly, but you should identify his objectives and find ways and means of supporting and assisting him - mainly through actions.   This implies, amongst other things: Get down to business immediately. Use the time at your disposal as efficiently as possible. Be specific and to the point. Stick to plans, don't digress. Don't try to explain everything in the greatest possible detail. Always bear the results in mind. Keep the discussion business-like. Don't try to establish a personal bond with a Driver, unless this is his obvious wish. To a Driver, friendship is certainly no must for efficient cooperation. What you shouldn't do when interacting with a Driver type: Don't stray from your subject, don't waste time. Don't beat about the bush; don't present loopholes. Don't offer ready-made decisions; don't draw conclusions in the other person's place. Don't speculate wildly and offer guarantees when you're not certain. If you don't agree to what the other says, don't relate this to his person as such.

How To Approach Different Social Styles – The Expressive In order to interact efficiently with an Expressive type, you should offer challenges and give him the opportunity to try out new ideas.   This includes, amongst other things: Display energy when interacting with an Expressive. Talk about your experience, about people. Ask him to voice his opinions. Tell him something about yourself as well. Talk in a stimulating way about your goals and plans. Try to find out what his dreams and expectations are, how he intuits matters. If you don't agree with an Expressive type, avoid discussions since Expressive types have an overwhelming urge to win discussions. Look for alternatives that are satisfactory and stimulating to both parties. To support your ideas, use statements made by people he likes, trusts or looks up to. What you shouldn't do when interacting with an Expressive type: Don't focus on facts and figures exclusively; avoid abstractions. Don't elaborate on details in a first stage. Develop a detailed action plan in the second stage. Put down important details in writing, for instance in an appendix to a proposal or report. Don't dismiss the opinions of the other; let him talk freely. Avoid a monotonous approach; make for variety. Don't be overly serious; don't turn your interaction with an Expressive type into a dull experience.

How To Approach Different Social Styles – The Amiable To interact efficiently with an Amiable type, you should acknowledge and accept the other person's need of personal contact.   This includes, amongst other things: Communicate using a receptive and patient approach. Never communicate threateningly. Make the other person feel at ease; break the ice with a personal touch. Show genuine interest in the other person as an individual. Establish a personal, informal bond before getting down to business. Keep in personal touch with the Amiable type, more than with any other personality type. Always offer assistance and support, certainly when new tasks or responsibilities are involved. Never forget that The Amiable type has a strong need for confirmation and encouragement. What you shouldn't do when interacting with an Amiable type: Don't stick to agendas too strictly; establish a personal relationship but keep an eye on the clock - and on your goals. Don't impose a breathtaking pace. Don't push the other to agree to your views or to accept your proposals immediately. Remember, if he doesn't react now, this doesn't mean that he won't react later. Don't hurt the other's feelings, for example by destroying his proposal mercilessly. Don't threaten the other with your position of power; don't be dominant; don't overwhelm or intimidate the Amiable type.

Review We looked at the four ‘Social Styles’ Analytical – Amiable – Expressive –Driver Explained the two dimensions of ‘Social Styles’ Assertiveness – Emotional Control Mapped ourselves against the ‘Social Styles’ to understand ourselves better What ‘Social Style’ are you? Reviewed how understanding ‘Social Styles’ will help us have better relationships When can you use what you have learnt in your interactions? Discussed the ‘traits’ of each ‘Social Style’ Understanding what other people’s ‘Social Styles’ are when you meet them