Dysfunctional Families Most dysfunctional families are a direct outgrowth of TROUBLED PARENTS.

Troubled parents may: Have addictions Use physical violence May be unable to provide Exploit children (use them as possessions, use strong authoritarian control)

Regardless of the parents’ intentions, children may suffer: Depression Live troubled lives By withdrawing from society Have low self-esteem

Abusive Parents 1. Physical- satisfying their emotions by taking their anger out on their children, by not correcting their children, by using little effort to control their children.

2. Sexual –Contact between an adult and child that must be kept secret.

3. Verbal – Frequent belittling or criticism, using profanity toward their children, verbally abusing them instead of their actions.

Roles in a Dysfunctional Family Addict-a family member that is under the influence of alcohol, drugs, porn, work, etc. to the point of disrupting the family. Enabler-a family member that allows the addict to continue their addiction; excuses, ignoring the problem, denial, etc.

Family Hero Child: “9 going on 40” Takes over parent role, early Responsible Self-sufficient Looks good on the outside Good student, good in sports, prom queen, etc Make parents look good

Family Hero Adult: Controlling, judgmental, compulsive, driven “Success” on the outside Cut off from their inner emotional life Hard time admitting that there is anything that needs to be healed.

Scapegoat (Child) Family feels ashamed of Acts out the tension the family ignores Provides distractions from real issues Has trouble in school Becomes pregnant or addicted as teenagers

Scapegoat (Adult) Become cynical and distrustful Have a lot of self-hatred Can be very self-destructive Usually first to get help

Lost Child (Child) Attempts to be invisible Daydream, fantasize, read a lot, watch TV Deal with reality by withdrawing from it Deny they have feelings Don’t bother getting upset

Lost Child (Adult) Unable to feel Low self-esteem Terrified of intimacy Relationship phobia Withdrawn, shy, socially isolated

Mascot/Family Clown (Child) Takes responsibility for emotional well-being of family “Social” director/clown Diverts family’s attention from the pain and anger

Mascot/Family Clown (Adult) Valued for kind heart, generosity, ability to listen to others Whole self is centered on others Don’t get their own needs met Cannot receive love only give it Work in “helping” professions to overcome Have low self worth and guilt and to overcome, work hard to be nice