Building Relationships That Work: Embracing Diversity

What does it take Relationships take a certain amount of risk Relationships take a certain amount of risk They are what we make them They are what we make them How do we find them? How do we find them? Feedback is the key to adjusting Feedback is the key to adjusting

Dimensions of a relationship Inclusion- the behavioral need to socialize Inclusion- the behavioral need to socialize Significance- the need to feel worthwhile and meaningful Significance- the need to feel worthwhile and meaningful Control- the behavioral need to influence Control- the behavioral need to influence Competence- the need to feel strong, intelligent, and capable Competence- the need to feel strong, intelligent, and capable Openness- the behavioral need to share one’s inner thoughts and feelings Openness- the behavioral need to share one’s inner thoughts and feelings Likeability- the need to feel one is good, attractive, and likeable Likeability- the need to feel one is good, attractive, and likeable

Interpersonal style What is it? What is it? –Self-contained vs. Open –Indirect vs. direct As such, people need to be treated differently As such, people need to be treated differently

Director-Thinker-Socializer- Relater The Director: Self-contained and Direct The Director: Self-contained and Direct The Thinker: Self-contained and Indirect The Thinker: Self-contained and Indirect The Socializer: Open and Direct The Socializer: Open and Direct The Relater: Open and Indirect The Relater: Open and Indirect Which are you? Which are you?

Factors at Work in Relationships Our secret fears (Self-Consciousness) Our secret fears (Self-Consciousness) –Examples Faulty assumptions and beliefs Faulty assumptions and beliefs –Thoughts=Feelings=Behavior=Trouble Double Blinds Double Blinds –The corner we think ourselves into

Effective Communication: Some rules 1) Listen!!!! Empathize “Listening Check” ENUF model 2) Make “I” statements “I believe”, “I want”, “I hope” 3) Be Clear and specific Include details

Rules con’t 4. Be reasonable and realistic (listen to yourself) “Words are behaviors that live on in the mind’s of others” 5. Accentuate the positive Send positive worth messages 6. Respect different viewpoints Respecting vs. Agreeing

Rules Con’t 7. Learn to disagree without being destructive or trying to “win” Cost is way too high 8. Be willing to discuss significant issues If you don’t, you’re just passing time 9. Don’t use unfair or dirty tactics The ol’ hit and run

Rules finished 10. Accept all feelings and try to understand them It is your right to feel the way to do, and visa versa 11. Learn to express your feelings without tearing the other person down How? 12. Don’t preach, lecture, hide, disguise, nag, yell, or whine

Tools for change Awareness Awareness –Brings to your attention the toxic messages that hold you back from relationships Antidotes Antidotes –The messages you use to counteract the toxic massages Alignment Alignment –Creating alliances with other people who can help you change just be being who they are

Diversity and Building Relationships Limiting your life Limiting your life –Our thoughts and feelings are often created by the assumptions we make The Value of Diversity The Value of Diversity –Research –Great Resource! 04_00-home.htm

Developing Diverse Relationships Take Reasonable risk Take Reasonable risk –Changing your behavior will lead to a change in emotions Use Feedback Use Feedback –How is the other person reacting to you? Take Responsibility Take Responsibility –Puts you in charge