MANAGING INTER-PERSONAL RELATIONS AT WORK DR.DALEEP PARIMOO

No matter how hard you work or how many brilliant ideas you may have, if you can’t connect with the people who work around you, your professional life will suffer.

How we deal with others can greatly influence our professional and personal lives, improving these skills builds confidence and enhances our relationships with others.

What is Interpersonal Relationship (IR)?

Interpersonal Relationships between two or more people

INTER-PERSONAL RELATIONS Interpersonal Relationships vary in differing levels of intimacy and sharing, implying the discovery or establishment of common ground, and may be centered around something(s) shared in common.

Relationships: Defining Main Characteristics- Rosenfield, Hayes, & Frentz (1976): FORMALITY: the amount of distance between the people defines the type of relationship, from formal to intimate. ACCESSIBILITY: the openness, willingness to exchange information (self-disclosure). RECIPROCITY: certain behaviors are called for in the relationship and others are prohibited; each person has expectations which must be fulfilled. COMMITMENT: the degree to which each person is uniquely a part of the relationship; the interchangeableness of the people. SPONTANEITY: the freedom or lack of freedom to engage in spontaneous behaviors, free of role expectations of the other.

Six success elements in Relationships It takes a combination of Self-awareness, Self confidence, Positive personal impact, Outstanding performance, Communication skills and Interpersonal competence to succeed in career and life.

Self-awareness Becoming self-aware is the first step to improving our interpersonal effectiveness. Most of our behaviours are natural for us. We aren't aware of the impact these behaviours have on others. That leaves us with "blind spots" that others don't want to mention to us because they don't want to hurt our feelings, they are afraid of a reaction from us, or they just don't care. Through self-awareness we learn what impact our behaviours - both positive and negative - have on others.  That knowledge helps us become more effective in our interactions with others.

Self Awareness & self regulation Once we become self-aware we can examine and change behaviours that need changing. The option is our own. So are the consequences. When we choose to seek ways to modify our undesirable behaviours we begin the process of self-regulation. This is a conscious process through which we may ask for input from our family, trusted coworkers or friends, or a professional therapist.  

Self-Confidence SELF-CONFIDENCE: Sureness about one’s self-worth and capabilities

Positive Personal Impact Do you know how other people see you? When you leave a meeting or end a conversation, what impression do you leave behind? What picture do other people have of you? How do you think they perceive you? We impact on others through our opinions, the amount we contribute, the sound of our voice, the effect of our silence, the expressions we use. Personal impact is about other things apart from your looks of course. Improving your posture, knowing how to shake hands properly, having good manners, not fidgeting and controlling your nerves in meetings, looking friendly and confident.

Outstanding performance What ever you do it to the best of your ability. “DO it with thy MIGHT!” (MICO’s Motto)

Communication skills Interpersonal communication can mean the ability to relate to people in written as well as verbal communication.  This type of communication can occur in both a one-on-one and a group setting.  This also means being able to handle different people in different situations, and making people feel at ease. 

Communication skills Active listening, Giving and receiving criticism, Dealing with different personality types, and Nonverbal communication.

3-Factor Model of interpersonal competence Interpersonally competent people: Are self aware. They use this awareness to better understand others and to adapt their behaviour accordingly. Build and nurture strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships. Resolve conflict in a positive manner. (Bilanich) To be competent you need skills

What are Interpersonal Skills? A set of behaviours which allow you to communicate effectively and unambiguously in a face-to- face setting They can also be thought of as behaviours which assist progress towards achieving an objective

We all have interpersonal skills. We CONSTANTLY learn these skills through out our lives. We learn how people are likely to react to what we say and do. How these actions are likely to make them, and us, feel. People with good interpersonal skills have learnt to identify which are the best ways of interacting with others in different situations.

INTER-PERSONAL SKILLS Interpersonal skills are the skills we use to interact or deal with others. Interpersonal skills are sometimes also referred to as communication skills, people skills and/or soft skills.

Interpersonal relationship skills Interpersonal relationship skills help us to relate in positive ways with our family members, colleagues and others. This may mean being able to make and keep friendly relationships as well as being able to end relationships constructively

Six interpersonal skills There are just six interpersonal skills which form a process that is applicable to all situations: Analyzing the situation Establishing a realistic objective Selecting appropriate ways of behaving Controlling your behaviour Shaping other people's behaviour Monitoring our own and others' behaviour

Applicability of Interpersonal Skills Analyzing the situation helps us to set realistic objectives Establishing objectives, in turn, provides the context in which to make choices about how best to behave By being conscious of our own behaviour in working towards the achievement of objectives we are more likely to influence other people’s behaviour Constant monitoring will provide the feedback we need to make situation-dependent adjustments

Good interpersonal skills Interpersonal competence

Five dimensions of interpersonal competence 1. Initiating relationships. 2. Self-disclosure. 3. Providing emotional support. 4. Asserting displeasure with others' actions.* 5. Managing interpersonal conflicts.* * 2 of the most problematic areas in interpersonal relationships. The combine to be seen as Interpersonal Communications

Interpersonal Communications Most people want to be understood and accepted more than anything else in the world. Knowing this is the first step toward good communication. Good communication has two basic components: You listen to and acknowledge other people's thoughts and feelings: Rather than showing that you only care about broadcasting your feelings and insisting that others agree with you, you encourage others to express what they are thinking and feeling. You listen and try to understand. You express your own thoughts and feelings openly and directly: If you only listen to what other people are thinking or feeling and you don't express your own thoughts or feelings, you end up feeling shortchanged or "dumped on."

Communication Styles There are four styles of communication: passive aggressive passive-aggressive assertive Passive communication involves the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings. Passive people will do something they don't want to do or make up an excuse rather than say how they feel. The aggressive style of communication involves overreaction, blaming and criticizing. Aggressive people try to get their way through bullying, intimidating or even physical violence. They do not or will not consider the rights of others. http://www.communication-skills-4confidence.com/communication-skills-test.html

Communication Styles Passive-aggressive is a combination of the first two styles - they avoid confrontations (passive), but will be manipulative to get what they want (aggressive). Passive-aggressive people will sometimes use facial expressions that don't match how they feel, i.e. smiling when angry. Assertive behaviour involves standing up for oneself. Assertive people will say what they think and stand up for their beliefs without hurting others.

Assertiveness vs Aggressiveness Assertiveness, or confrontation, means taking the initiative or first steps to deal with a problem in a constructive, self-protective manner. Assertiveness attacks the problem, not the person. Aggressiveness attacks the other person rather than the problem. It is a destructive desire to dominate another person or to force a position or viewpoint on another person; it starts fights or quarrels.

Coping with some communication differences Aggressive Communicator: Get to the point right away. Speak directly and clearly. Since aggressive types can be brutally honest and sometimes inconsiderate, it is important to take what they say with a grain of salt. Usually their criticism and confrontational matter isn't meant to be taken personally.

Coping with some communication differences Passive Communicator: It can be particularly frustrating to talk to a passive communicator because they may seem to not have any opinion of their own. Though it may be frustrating, avoid being pushy or confrontational. Passive communicators just need time to feel comfortable with others.

Coping with some communication differences Passive-Aggressive Communicator: Just as passive-aggressive communicators are a combination of two styles, an approach to them must be a combination as well. Recognize that talking to them might be frustrating like with the passive communicator (since they avoid conflict), but it also important to not take anything they say or do personally (like with the aggressive types), because it may conflict with what they say.

Coping with some communication differences Many causes of conflict arise due to miscommunication. Once you understand your own communication style pitfalls, you can correct them and communicate more effectively. Remember “Aggression breeds Aggression”!

What is Conflict? Conflict occurs in situations in which there is opposition. Opposition occurs when a solution cannot be found in a disagreement. Conflict is a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, well-being, interests or concerns. Perceive a threat can be physical, emotional, power, status, intellectual, etc. Conflict is healthy and a normal part of any human relationship.

Conflict Resolution Conflict resolution involves identifying areas of agreement and areas of compromise so that a solution to the disagreement or conflict occurs.

How do WE handle/prevent/reduce conflicts?

There are five methods to handle conflict: Running away Being obliging to the other party Defeating the other party Winning a little/ losing a little Co-operating

Resolving conflict is an art of communication Use interpersonal communication skills

Interpersonal Communication skills I-statements help you express the way you feel and what you want with great clarity. Sometimes people use "you" statements, such as "You never collect the registers on time and then we have to leave school late in the evenings waiting for you!" This type of statement can make others feel angry and defensive immediately. When you use I-statements, such as, "I really need to get the registers before 1:00 pm so that I can complete the attendance sheet and leave school in time." you express your concern in terms of you. A respectful tone of voice conveys that you are taking others seriously and that you also expect to be taken seriously. In addition, people with good communication skills are assertive without being aggressive or manipulative.

Interpersonal Communication skills Eye contact is vital for good communication. For example, how would you feel if the person you were talking to kept looking around the corridor or out the window? Appropriate body language encourages conversation. Nodding your head, smiling, laughing, using words such "yeah" , yep and like and asking questions at appropriate times assure the person that you are really listening. Clear, organized ideas help you accurately and honestly describe your feelings and contribute to conversations and to decisions that need to be made. Good communicators are also specific. For example, a good communicator would say, "I need to use the computer from 7-9," as opposed to "I'll need the computer today."

Tips for resolving conflicts Make sure that you remain calm at all times. Speak with a non-provoking tone of voice; quietly, slowly, and calmly. Listen to the other person carefully without interrupting them. Respect the other person when voicing your own opinion or point of view. Let the other person know that you understand them fully by asking questions pertaining to his or her understanding and repeating what the person is saying. Use humour if possible.

Tips for resolving conflicts Try placing yourself in the other person's shoes ( Have empathy) Try not to be judgmental. Do not do anything to embarrass the other person. Do not accuse the other person of anything. Also, do not punish or scold them. Do not stand close to them. Stand a few feet away from them. Make sure that your posture, body language, and tone of voice is non-threatening. Do not talk with the other person in front of a group of people. Go into an office or some other place to discuss the situation. (Caution: Do not go into place that will prevent you from receiving help if you need it.)

Tips for resolving conflicts Make sure that what you say is simple, clear and direct. Do not take anything the other person says personally when he or she is angry, because they probably do not mean it. Make sure that you are not alone just in case the other person becomes very hostile. If you are having a heated argument with another person, save your feelings and opinions for another time and place. Do not rush. Let the other person know that you do not want to fight, but that you want to resolve the situation in a friendly manner. Make sure that you apologize for anything you may have said or done to offend them