Descriptive Essays: Show me; don’t tell me.

Descriptive Essay  Describes a specific place, person, thing, idea, event, etc. in great detail, using sensory details.  Sensory details?

Show me; don’t tell me.  What does that mean?  Look at the verbs.  The disco ball is colorful.  The disco ball shoots out diamonds of rainbow light all over the floor.

Change the sentences.  My dog is fast.  My room is messy.

How to start.  Choose an effect.  Choose specific topics.  Talk about those topics in detail.

My Bedroom When you come into my bedroom, you will see my bed. You will hear my stereo. The music is loud and the bass is thumping. You will smell my dirty socks in the corner. They are nasty. You will also feel the breeze from the ceiling fan. Finally, you will also taste the three-year- old Halloween candy under my bed. That is all have to say about my room.

Problems  It is a list of the five senses.  Avoid using the verbs smell, hear, see, taste, and feel.  “You Quotient”  List of everything in the bedroom.  Choose an effect (Disaster)  There are three details that will convey a disaster: socks, the closet, and under the bed. Choose one topic (socks)

Problems  No effect (how do you want the reader to feel?)  List of everything the room  Focus on one topic per paragraph  Show; don’t tell

Disaster My bedroom always looks like a small tornado just passed through. The first evidence of this is the socks hanging from my ceiling fan. More socks have been blown into pile in the corner. No one can go near them because of the toxic fumes rising in a gray cloud toward the ceiling. The smell could burn your nose or singe your eyebrows. Some of my socks can stand up against the wall by themselves because they are caked with dried clay and mud. We may have bury them all in the backyard. They are only part of the wreckage, though.

Similes and Metaphors  My bed is large.  Simile – Comparison using like or as  My bed is as big as  My bed is large like Metaphor – a direct comparison My bed is

Bedroom Every day after school, I run straight upstairs to my room. My big bed is waiting for me. The soft mattress cradles me as I land on it. I close my eyes and the bed carries me away like a small boat on a quiet ocean. My pillow cushions my head, and all my troubles float away – at least until Mom yells up to me about homework.

Personification  The soft mattress cradles me as I land on it.  Personification – giving human characteristics to inanimate objects  The soft sheets…  My soft bed…  The soft pillow…

Example  What is the effect?  Talks about a specific time of being in the bedroom.  Description  Stays on one topic

Hyperbole  Hyperbole – extreme exaggeration  Examples - No one can go near them because of the toxic fumes rising in a gray cloud toward the ceiling. The smell could burn your nose or singe your eyebrows. Some of my socks can stand up against the wall by themselves because they are caked with dried clay and mud.  Closet (Messy)

Your turn.  Choose Topic  Choose an effect.  Brainstorm  Choose one topic that relates to that effect.  Choose things that relate to topic.

Structure of a Paragraph  Introduction – 1 st paragraph – uses hook sentence  3 body paragraphs - discusses three specific topics  Conclusion – wraps up everything – summarizes the entire essay – tie in title