RELATIONSHIPS Grade 11 Life Orientation

Think about the different kinds of relationships you have and hope to experience in the future.

Relationships come in different shapes and sizes

We engage in relationships throughout our life We engage in relationships throughout our life. At each stage of life we learn something new about relationships and how to relate to others.

Think about… Some of the things you have learned about relationships from: Your parents Your siblings Teachers Friends Coaches Being in love…

Our relationships have a powerful impact on us. Do you agree with this statement? Why / why not. Give examples from your own experience.

Things that affect our relationships Culture Religion + beliefs

More things that affect our relationships… Technology Illness Being bullied or controlled Feeling neglected or ignored Fear

Feelings that affect our relationships Hungry Tired Happy Safe Worried Pressurized

Healthy Relationships Relationships play a major role in our lives, especially during the teen years. However, not all relationships are healthy. It is vital that you learn to recognize a healthy relationship from a harmful one. Both parties respect and trust one another. Both parties respect each others’ differences and preferences. Both parties are able to communicate their thoughts and needs effectively and respectfully. Both people can listen to the other person – this means truly listening to hear rather than arguing your own point of view. Both parties should be willing to work at resolving conflict in a rational and non-violent way. Both parties should have a healthy self-esteem - this means feeling good about yourself in a healthy, unselfish manner. When you feel good about yourself you can function within a relationship comfortably and in a healthy manner.

In a healthy relationship… You will not be made to feel bad or embarrassed about yourself. You will not be insulted, or put them down. You have the right to you own opinion and can safely express it. Your rights are no less important that the rights of your partner/friend You are an individual - you will not be looking for the other person to ‘complete you’ but rather for somebody who compliments you.

Skills for negotiating relationships: Communicate open & honestly: If something is bothering you, it’s best to talk about it instead of holding it in. Be willing to truly listen: Listen to hear & understand and not to find fault, prove the other person wrong or argue your point. Respect the other person: The other person’s views & feelings must be respected & valued. The other person should be able to feel that you know you are making an effort to keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential in maintaining healthy relationships. Compromise: Disagreements are a natural part of healthy relationships, but it’s important to find a way to compromise if you disagree on something. Always resolve conflicts: Do this in a rational, non-violent manner. Be supportive: In a healthy relationship both people build each other up; never put the other person down. Criticism should always be respectful & constructive. Respect each other’s privacy: Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to share everything and constantly be together. Healthy relationships require space.

At what age is it appropriate to start dating and getting into ‘romantic’ relationships?

If you were to write a self-help book for teens on “surviving relationships”… What would be the five most important things you would include in your self-help book? What ‘rules’ would you include for guys? For girls?

Discuss the following picture: BALANCING You, Me and Us

WARNING SIGNS IN RELATIONSHIPS JEALOUSY Especially at the beginning of a relationship the abuser will say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealously has nothing to do with love. Will question the partner about who she/he talks to/ associates with etc. May accuse partner of flirting. May be jealous of time the partner spends with family, friends or children. May try to limit this.

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR May say that this behaviour is because they are concerned for the partner’s safety. Gets angry if you are late coming back from the store or an appointment. Questions you closely about where you went, who you talked to. May not allow you to make personal decisions about the house, clothing, and going to church, etc. Makes partner ask permission to leave the house or room.

QUICK/ SUDDEN INVOLVEMENT Comes on strong and fast giving you little chance to think Relationship becomes serious and exclusive very quickly. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS Pressurizes you to commit to the relationship in such a way that you later feel guilty if you want to slow down or withdraw. Expects you to meet all of their needs. Expects you to be “perfect” totally devoted etc. May say things like “If you love me you would want to please me; I’m all you need- you don’t need friends .”

BLAMES OTHERS/ WON’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY TRIES TO ISOLATE YOU May try to cut you off from all other friends May try to put distance between you and your family May start by constantly checking your phone and messages. BLAMES OTHERS/ WON’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY Will tell you that you are at fault for almost anything that goes wrong. They do not assume responsibility. Eg: If he/she gets angry it is your fault as you should have avoided angering him/her or causing the situation. Uses guilt to gain control. HYPERSENSITIVITY Is easily insulted. They claim their feelings are ‘hurt’ when really they are very mad/angry. Finds fault with almost everything you do, say etc. You Are left feeling like you have to “walk on egg shells