First Borns Chapters 4, 5, and 6

Quick Review of Chapter 4 “Four Corner” birth order exercise Two Kinds… explained more later Aggressive Caring nurturers First borns are exact, precise, and… picky The very traits and abilities that enable you to succeed at work, at church, etc. will often work against you in your close personal relationships. Attention, the spotlight, and responsibility adds to pressure!!

Strengths and weaknesses  1st Borns P. 95 Which are strengths? Weaknesses? Leadership ability Aggressive Compliant Perfectionist Organized Driver List maker Logical Scholarly

Be Honest With Your First Born Self Answer these questions … first born or not. Am I involved in too many activities? Which ones could I give up? Do I know how to say no? Give an example of when you said no graciously, but firmly. How big of a problem is perfectionism for me? Do I see the difference between perfectionism and excellence? Am I a slave to my to-do lists or do I just use them to keep my life organized? Have I forgiven my parents for putting any pressure on me? Can I see the privileges as well as pressures to being a first born?

Am I a compliant or aggressive first born Am I a compliant or aggressive first born? What are my key faults concerning this? How can I improve? If I feel resentment towards my siblings, am I willing to resolve the issue? Do I care too much about what others think of me? How good am I at spotting flaws in others? Do I then compare them to myself to make myself feel better?

Chapter 5 Just How Serious a Problem is Perfectionism?

Middlies, Onlies, and Babies! Chapter 4 may have been a bore, but chapter 5 discusses a problem any birth order could have… perfectionism! It is discussed in the “first born” section because it is typically, but not limited to being, a first born problem. And yes! It IS a problem!

Which of the following is Perfectionism for you? A. a burden B. a cause of stress C. slow suicide (yikes!) D. a strength

Perfectionism is Not A Strength.

Are you a perfectionist??? Answer #1-11 on pgs. 98-99 and use the perfectionist scoring guide to determine the answer for you. Be honest! This is just for you! Check out the EXTREME perfectionist ad on page 99.

Beware of the Ultra-critical Perfectionist!! From the time you can talk, you are developing habits that will determine your personality for the rest of your life. Realize that you can never please an ultra-critical perfectionist, because they can never please themselves. They are objective Their motto is: “The good is the enemy of the best.”

The Cycle of Perfectionism Motto: “It’s all or nothing” Biting off more than they can chew They cannot accomplish want they want: PANIC Maximize failures; minimize success Eventually fails or quits Is disappointed with themselves so is harder on himself

Avis Complex “Yeah we’re in second place, but we try harder.” Abraham Lincoln said the Gettysburg Address was a “flat failure”. Leonardo Di Vinci said, “I have disappointed God and his creations because my work never reached what it should have.”

Another Cycle…

Can You Believe It? Perfectionists not only have the problem of perfectionism, but of procrastination as well! “When Your Best Isn’t Good Enough” A Blurb:

The First Step to Solving A Problem… Is RECOGNIZING IT! You’re half way there! Commit to finishing one thing, before starting another.

Is THIS Perfectionism?

THE ONLY WAY TO AVOID FAILURE IS TO SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING.

How To Solve It! Refuse negative self-talk Don’t listen to naysayers Refuse to feel guilty

Perfect – Or Excellent?? Chapter 6

Perfection vs. Excellence What’s the dif?? SOME examples… read the rest in your book!

How to control Perfectionism by Seeking Excellence 1. Take perfectionism seriously 2. Recognize that you have an almost desperate need to be perfect 3. Make a conscious effort to go easy on criticizing yourself 4. Have the courage to admit out loud: “I was wrong.” 5. Work on developing a thicker skin 6. Bite off smaller chunks in life 7. Expect less of yourself 8. Become skilled at saying no 9. Work on becoming an optimist 10. Change your self-talk 11. Get rid of grudges

THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

Keep in Mind: Important vocab, Key Points, main Ideas, Lists, and Graphic organizers

Know… When your test is: _____________________ How to study Vocab Checkpoints Main ideas Lists Graphic organizers

1. What is a First-Born?

2. What is a Functional First-Born?

3. Up to how many first borns can there be in a family?

4. What are the two kinds of first borns 4. What are the two kinds of first borns? Why are first borns categorized this way?

5. Which are strengths of first borns? Weaknesses? Leadership ability Aggressive Compliant Perfectionist Organized Driver List maker Logical Scholarly

6. T/F Perfectionism is a strength.

7. T/F Perfectionism is a problem.

8. What is the Avis Complex?

9. Who says: “The good is the enemy of the Best.”?

10. Draw the Cycle of Perfectionism 10. Draw the Cycle of Perfectionism. Remember: No need for full sentences… Just key points.

11. What other problem typically comes with Perfectionism?

12. How do you solve Perfectionism?

Answers: The child born first in a family. The child who inherits typical first-born characteristics because of placement and/or variables in the family. Typically 2 (the actual first born and a functional first born) Aggressive or Nurturing  depending on variables SWSWSSSSS (however, this can be changed depending on the extremity of the strengths) F T Not perfectionism; they try hard and accept what they are Ultra-critical perfectionist See slide 13 Procrastination See slides 20 and 25