Consent Is A Conversation

Our Conversation Agreements “Simple as Tea” What is Consent? Consent as a Connection Lack Of Consent What Consent looks like Community Accountability Difference

What are our agreements? As a Group What are our agreements? Respect Privacy Speak for yourself Participate don’t dominate Stay present Take care of yourself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8 1 Tea? YES- perfect date 2 Tea? Umm… sure? (Don’t want, force)- goes ahead awkwardly anyways 3 Tea? No thank you. (Force? Oh come on)- dumps it 4 Tea? Yes….. later no- pissed off change mind, and still goes ahead or tries 5 Unconscious or sleeping. Tea?- goes ahead and takes advantage 6 Awake then unconscious. Tea?- has consent then drunk, thinks about it then goes ahead anyways 7 Tea? One time = all the time?- one time perfect- then expects every time dumps tomorrow dumps the next 8 Tea? One time = required to again?- has an expectation of must do it again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8

What Is Consent? (and why does it matter) Consent is often defined as an ENTHUSIASTIC YES: Spoken in the absence of coercion, intimidation, or drugs and alcohol. It’s a MUTUAL AGREEMENT (all parties are informed and free to make a voluntary choice.)

Consent is… Sober Voluntarily Enthusiastic Verbal Non-coerced Continual Active Honest

Reframe consent culture by connecting through consent. Consent = Connections Reframe consent culture by connecting through consent.

What If Someone Says No? We don’t have to take it personally! NO, can be a scary thing to hear. NO is a YES to themselves. 1. NO, can be scary. Turns out its also a hard thing to say! (the more we practice saying and hearing NO, the easier it gets!) 2. When someone says no, REMEMBER: They are also saying YES to themselves. They are also sharing their authentic boundaries with you, which is a brave thing - and a gift.

when you get a no, you can try saying: “Thank you for taking care of yourself.”

Yes, not sure, No! How do you know if someone wants to have sex with you? When someone definitely wants to have sex When someone isn’t quite sure if they want to have sex? When someone does not want to have sex: what is consent?

Boundaries: What Are They? Edges between what is ok for us and not ok for us. We can get more familiar with our boundaries by feeling into our bodies and noticing sensations that communicate comfort or discomfort in response to situations. Catcalling and verbal statements or cues are forms of boundaries too. If im standing from far away and I don’t like how that person says something that is communicating boundaries as well. Knowing what kind of people we accept in our lives and who we want to get closer to.

Verbal and Nonverbal Cues Look for… Leaning away Leaning toward Smiling/laughing (sometimes smiling indicates comfort, and sometimes it can cover up for discomfort... Notice it!) Crossed arms Looking around Disclose Important Information! “I’m sick.” “I’m really high or drunk.” “I have an STI.” “I’m married or n an relationship.” “NO”

POWER & CONTROL SEXUAL ASSAULT RAPE = CRIME Lack of Consent is… POWER & CONTROL SEXUAL ASSAULT RAPE = CRIME

Consent In Language NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO Not Now… Not in the mood NO Wait… NO I like you, but.. NO I’d rather be alone… NO You’re/I’m drunk NO No thanks… NO I’m not sure… NO NO Maybe later…. You’re not my type NO NO I have a boo…

The absence of NO is not Consent

Consent is Continual But they did want it at first… Right to change their mind Right to not finish Right to participate or not

Consent is Feeling Safe Begging or Threatening If they feel scared to say no, then it is not consent.

Consent In Relationships Your needs are met Feeling of peace and safety Feeling respected Improved communication Feeling understood and accepted by partner, family and friends

Being In A Relationship Is NOT Consent Sense of Ownership (Power & Control) Change of mind Next day/Morning After

REGARDLESS OF THE RELATIONSHIP CONSENT IS MANDATORY AND SHOULD BE A CONVERSATION Before/After/During

“A drunk person can’t give consent because they are not conscious” Conscious in Consent Not sober Conscious then becomes unconscious. Make sure they are safe! “A drunk person can’t give consent because they are not conscious”

Clothes Cannot Consent Whore Slut Asking for it Cheeky Tease Bore Old Fashioned Prude Clothes or lack of have absolute ZERO connection with wanting sex.

Consent in the Community Community Accountability If you see somebody forcing themselves upon others? If you see somebody talking about forcing themselves upon others? It is a crime. No such thing as being “neutral”. You are either on the victim’s side or the abuser’s.

The skills of practicing good consent are REVOLUTIONARY! When we: We recognize our power and minimize the effects Ask rather than assume Know our boundaries and communicate them Receive a no gracefully Remember that we can always change our minds WE CREATE SAFE & MUTUALLY EMPOWERING CONNECTIONS!!