Anger Management

What is anger? Anger is an emotion. It is a signal that we think we are being treated unfairly.  Feelings are neither right nor wrong. It is okay to feel angry!

Anger can be a motivator to change Anger can be a motivator to change. Anger has been the force that changed many injustices in history e.g: slavery Can you think of any other examples?   

However Actions can be right or wrong However Actions can be right or wrong. It is not okay to hurt ourselves, others, or property when we feel angry.   

Learning to handle your anger is not like going to the doctor Learning to handle your anger is not like going to the doctor. This is not a magic cure.

Controlling your anger is a SKILL, just like learning to play a computer game, or playing football.   Like any skill to get better what do you need to do?...Practice!! The strategies/techniques you’re going to learn about do work, but only if you work at them, take them away and practice them.

What are the SHORT term consequences of not controlling your anger? What are the LONG term consequences of not controlling your anger?  

Anger

Something has to change...do you agree?

So how can we deal with anger and act in healthy ways? 1) Recognise anger - know when you are angry and what makes you angry. 2) Practice positive responses - practice, practice, practice until your new positive responses become good habits. 3) Use the energy to create a positive reaction.

Activity One Anger Thermometer

Is there a person or activity which makes you feel angry? What makes me angry Is there a person or activity which makes you feel angry? Is there a time or place when you often get angry?

Angry thoughts? Angry thoughts don’t help, they only make YOU feel worse.

It’s not fair!! Nobody cares Everything always goes wrong. People always think its my fault. My teacher hates me. My parents don’t listen to me.

Thinking about being angry makes you feel even more angry!! Something happens to make us feel angry The anger is fed and increases Angry thoughts develop

Symptoms of Anger How do you know when you are angry? All of us have symptoms of anger – physical signs that tell us we are angry. These happen when our body releases hormones like adrenalin and cortisol.

Symptoms of Anger We have inherited the symptoms of anger over thousands of years. The purpose is to focus our energy on the threat and to enable us to react quickly. However, these are outdated and cause problems in modern society. We can’t think straight when angry so often do something we’ll regret later.

Physical Signs Fast heart beat Sweating Hot Cold Shaking Sick Clenched jaws Clenched fists Fast breathing Headaches Stomach aches Upset feeling in the stomach Tight chest Tense muscles Frowning, scowling Red face Hot Cold Sick Dizzy

Activity two: My Angry Body Where do you feel anger in your body? What physical signs do you get? What words can you use to describe this feeling?

Anger styles What’s your style? Hot Head I blame others for my problems. I feel irritable. I cry if I lose. I get frustrated. I know when I feel angry. Being a hot head can lead to anger and not accepting responsibility. Try to understand why you felt angry and find better ways to deal with problems. Don’t keep talking about problems over and over again – let it go!

I sleep when things are bad. I don’t get involved in problems. Retreater I sleep when things are bad. I don’t get involved in problems. I forget important things. I avoid doing big jobs. I don’t plan ahead. I shy away from risks. I am cautious. Being a retreater can lead to anger and frustration. Try to express your feelings, recognise and feel good about our achievements. Know what you enjoy doing and do it!

I don’t like to express my feelings. When I get upset I keep it in. Acorn Collector I don’t like to express my feelings. When I get upset I keep it in. I get frustrated. I keep to myself when i’m upset. I try not to argue even when I want to. Being an Acorn Collector can lead to stress, anger and resentment. Try to express your feelings with others and take time to relax.

I put myself before others. I don’t recognise my achievements. Commander I can’t do one thing without thinking about others things I have to do. I put myself before others. I don’t recognise my achievements. I worry about things. I like to do everything myself. I feel impatient if I have to wait. Most things I do are rushed. Being a commander can lead to anger and anxiety. Try to share responsibilities and identify your priorities. Realise that you can’t always be in control.

Why is this helpful? Understanding the different types of anger styles will help you to recognise these in other people. For example if you are dealing a Hot Head – you know to give them some time and space to cool down before trying to sort out the problem. What anger style are you? Can you identify these anger types in any of the people you know?

Do you say when you get angry Excuses, Excuses... Do you say when you get angry ‘I can’t help it’...? If so you’re basically saying it’s not your fault and not taking responsibility for your actions... preventing yourself from being open to change!

How you control your anger... We all face an inner battle over whether you allow anger to control you or whether you control your anger. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8d0ffaO0Ms&feature=related

Consequences... What are some of the short term consequences of not controlling your anger? 1. 2. 3. 4.

What are some of the longer- term benefits of controlling your anger? 1. 2. 3.

Signs of Aggression Invading a person’s physical space Raising your voice How you say it... ‘Don’t speak to me like that’, ‘Don’t take that tone of voice with me’ Saying things with an aggressive attitude gives you much less chance of getting what you want from a situation! When has the way somebody has said something to you made you feel angry? Practice saying these comments in a calm, positive manner.

Other actions which might cause anger.. Acting like a conversation with another person is a waste of your time Interrupting when someone else is talking Finishing another person’s sentence/story Asking a question that was just asked by someone else Being sarcastic Making noises when others are concentrating or speaking Speaking in a language the teacher doesn’t understand Fidgeting Tutting or kissing your teeth Have any of these ever made you feel angry? Have you made anybody angry by doing any of these? Can you think of any other habits which might cause anger?

Dealing with anger positively

1. Get AWAY!!! When we are angry it can be easy to explode. The best thing to do is get away from the person / situation that is making you feel angry, before you do anything you might regret later. To a teacher you can say: “I am beginning to feel angry, please can I go outside to calm down for a few minutes”, or show them your break card. BREAK CARD Could you agree on a place you can go to cool down with your teacher?

2. Flower-Candle breathing Deep breathing can help you to relax and feel calm. Imagine slowly breathing Hold your breath Slowly breath out imaging in the scent of a flower. for two seconds you’re blowing out a candle. Repeat! Or, take a deep breath in and slowly release it whilst counting to 10 and repeat until you feel calm.

3. Self-talk In a quiet voice, talk to yourself telling yourself to keep calm. Relax Stay calm Getting angry won’t help me. Think of a ‘mantra’ that could work for you.

can you notice a difference? 4. Finger pressing When we are angry, blood runs to our fists to prepare our bodies to fight. Remain calm, try clenching your fists, now try holding your fingers out straight – can you notice a difference?

5. Wall push-ups Instead of hitting out at someone, use the energy your anger has produced by doing push-ups on a wall.

Listen to your favourite music or sing a calming song to yourself. This can be great if you are in a situation you can’t get out of and are worried your might get irritated by others around you, like on the bus home – put your ears in and tune out!!

6. Squeezing blu tac Having a small piece of blu tac to squeeze between your finger and thumb can keep pressure on your finger tips as well as provide a distraction.

7. Water Drinking cold water cools you can calms you. Try drinking a class in three large gulps instead of little sips.

Find a place where you can be alone and SCREAM!! CRY!! SHOUT!! 8. Let it all out!! Find a place where you can be alone and SCREAM!! CRY!! SHOUT!! Let out all the negative feelings in a safe environment where you want hurt yourself or anybody else.

9. Write it down Keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings. You can keep this private or it might help you to express yourself to others

Maybe your friend has a good suggestion for you to try! 10. What works for YOU? Explain to others what works well for you to help you calm down when you feel angry. Maybe your friend has a good suggestion for you to try!

Cool, Weak or Aggro? We can respond to situations in different ways: COOL - not getting angry or upset but stopping, thinking about the problem and choosing the best way to act. WEAK – running away, crying, doing what others tell you even though you know its not really right or what you want to do. A AGGRO – not listening or thinking but just reacting by shouting, arguing, hitting, stamping or kicking. How do YOU usually react?

Cool, Weak or Aggro?? Were your responses mainly cool, aggro or weak? What’s the Difference? Complete the “What would I do?” sheets Were your responses mainly cool, aggro or weak? Are you surprised by this?

Which is often the best response...? Why? Cool: Acting with confidence by stating your point in a clear and calm way. Aggro: being forceful and likely to provoke a confrontation or attack. Weak: not doing anything, e.g. not stating your point of view Which is often the best response...? Why?

Co-operation is the name of the game... Do you defy or argue a lot with your peers, teachers or people at home? What’s often the result…? You get into a shouting match with them, which often lands you in yet more trouble.    Have you ever known a referee to change their mind once they’ve given a decision…?   It’s the same with teachers and people at home! – they are not going to change their minds… especially if you’re shouting at them…when you do it becomes a battle of wills.

against…or this often happens.  Why not try start working with people rather than against…or this often happens. “You fancy a break mate...my head hurts...” Look familiar? Write about a time when you have co-operated with others recently.

I time I co-operated well with others was….

Compromise When you just can’t agree, instead of arguing try to find a compromise. This means finding a middle ground that works well for everybody. Its 9 o’clock and your mum tells you to go to bed but you want to stay up until 10 o’clock. What could the compromise be?