KENNETH ZEIGLER, LCSW-C AND AMY PRICE, LCPC OCTOBER 22, 2009 Managing the Stress of the Holidays: Setting Boundaries to Maintain Wellness

What we will cover… Defining boundaries Boundary-setting during the holidays Boundary-setting and self-awareness Practical tips for good boundary-setting

Defining Boundaries A boundary is a limit or edge that defines you as separate from others (Katherine, 1991, p. 14) Dynamic Self-determined Evocative of individual identity Varying Boundaries come in assorted shapes and sizes. They can be rigid like a brick wall or as flexible as a plastic bag, as impenetrable as a lead shield or as permeable as a chain- link fence (Katherine, 1991, p. 20)

Whats difficult about setting boundaries? Counter-intuitive We feel selfish Traditions are difficult to break Often met with resistance

Whats difficult about setting boundaries during the holidays? Holidays heighten tension Tension increases stress Stress increases struggles with boundary-setting Is there another way? Tension as a means to change

Boundaries and Self- Awareness Good boundaries enable us to define ourselves (Katherine, 1991, p. 205) They enable us to: *Understand identity *Establish voice *Develop priorities

Self-Awareness cont… What stops us from setting boundaries? Guilt Obligation Tradition People-pleasing

Steps to Good Boundary-Setting If you continue to tolerate behavior that is unacceptable to you, you are making a conscious decision to do so. You must make the choice to set boundaries (Levang, 2009, p. 2). 1. Acknowledge feelings without judgment

Boundary-setting cont… 2. Create a Plan Relational Emotional Spiritual Time-oriented Financial Understanding Legitimate

Boundary-setting cont… 3. Accept change 4. Defer grievances Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they dont live up to all your expectations (Mayo Clinic, 2007, p. 3). 5. Be flexible

Boundary-setting cont… 6. Dont abandon healthy habits 7. Learn forgiveness 8. Celebrate your true meaning of the holiday season

Boundary-setting cont… 9. Know what you want 10. Design an exit strategy

Worksheet What can you take away from tonight?

Q & A Any questions?

References Katherine, A. (1991). Where you end and I begin. New York: Simon and Schuster. Levang, C. (2009). How to set boundaries with family and friends. Associated Content. Mayo Clinic. (2007). Stress, depression and the holidays: 12 tips for coping.