Erotic online dating: Why do some people seek an offline sex? Anna Ševčíková Cyberspace 2007 Brno

Introduction Thanks to the Internet the environment where the sexuality can manifest is enlarged. The Internet has many erotic, pornographic websites available and many of them are free. It is a case of dating websites or erotic online dating where users can freely enter. The erotic online dating is an object of this study. We have no statistic information how many Czechs use this kind of services. But contains adswww.sally.cz

Theory review of motivation factors in the context of the Internet Triple-A-engine: concept which tries to explain why the Internet attracts individuals to engage in online sexual activities (Cooper, 1998) This theory forms 3 characters of the Internet: Anonymity, Access and Affordability.

Theory review of motivation factors Access: individuals have the easy access to variable websites and communication forms ( , chat, video- chat). These online pages can mediate a wide scale of sexual topic (safe sex, sexual practics) Affordability: the economic competition keeps low prices of the Internet, the wide society can afford the Internet and then free sex as well Anonymity: It protects the users against emotional, physical and social injury, persons can avoid a social punishment for marginalized sexual imagination or sex. activities

Theory review of motivation factors The present factors (3A) create a feeling of freedom and disinhibition which cause the faster self-disclosure and the willingness to speak about sex and sexual imagination. These Internet´s characters can facilitate an experimentation with sexuality (such as sexual activities, choice of sexual partner or self-image)

Other engines related to the Internet The Internet application – online dating offers the users the opportunity to meet people that they would never meet in their life. Online dating offers the privacy and the secrecy. In the end it is quite comfortable way to meet new people (Brym & Lenton, 2001)

Theory review of motivation factors The concept of personal safety and sexual grafitication (McKenna et al., 2001) Personal safety: (1) physical, (2) emotional Ad,1a- problem of HIV (the HIV transmission from homosexual community into heterosexual population), 1b- fear from involuntary pregnancy, Ad, 2- the sexual exploring and the sexual disclosure are associated with social risk in a real life (some sexual fantasy are depreciated or in tabu)

Theory review Differerent view on cybersex motivation In the Czech study respondents engaging in cybersex were motivated with following needs (Divínová, 2005) : a- to relax, b- to masturbate, c- to gain the intimity, d- to vary the sexual life and e- to gain new sexual experiences These needs can be also saturated in a real life but the feeling of the anonymity plays the big role on the Internet, the users don´t have to expose their body and to be gallant

Theory review Engaging in video-cybersex (the naked body is exposed) responds on stereotype, routine which are associated with long-term partnership (Waskul, 2002) The authors Divínová (2005) and Waskul (2002) also reflect motives which come from the real life.

The present qulitative study Participants The participants 4 women, 7 men were recruited from one online erotic dating service – The used method was self-selection One condition for including in this study was to have offline free sex with person who had met thanks to some online erotic dating service. The range of age All categories of marital status were represented (unmarried, married, divorced, widowed) Heterosexual orientation, only one woman has a bi- sexual orientation The sample included couples who seeked sex together and stand-alone men and stand-alone women as well

Data collection The data come from the transcript of face to face conversations which were recorded (avarage duration about 1 hour). Each participant agreed with the interview recording. The face to face interview has one advantage – to check participant´s identity. The interviews had a semistructured form and were based on grounded theory (Strauss & Corbin, 1999)

Method of data analysis Used method: Grounded theory (Strauss & Corbinová, 1999) which is based on 3 phases: (1) open, (2) axial and (3) selective coding. Open coding: perceived phenomenon obtains a term and based on its characters it gains some position on multidimensional scales. Axial coding: searching relationship among created categories Selective coding: based on perceived regularity the task of this phase consists of searching the main phenomenon – the central category which integrate the all categories.

Method of data analysis Illustration of open coding: IIlustration of axial coding: Strong experience The day after (offline sex), it was really strong To be in anonymity, to hide residence, job, names AnonymityEngines associated the Internet Absence of public area, to have more than one ad New environment for searching an offline free sex Ease, access, affordabilityAccess, quickness Lack of free time

Results Engines coming out the user Engines coming out the aspects of virtual environment interaction of both engines types Searching an offline free sex Benefit from realized sex – transformed into motivation factors

Results: engines coming from the user Absence of needs saturation in real world: 1-to avoid a routine – stereotype - revive sexual life 2-discontent in a marital relationship – searching some new relationship as tendency to abandon current relationship 3-absence of sex - solitude Ad.1. couple searching the offline sex. partner tries to avoid the infidelity through the online erotic dating (it´s based on their mutual trust) All free factors are the reactions on the emotional dissatisfaction in the real life

Results: engines coming from the user The sexuality as an object because of which the people bunch: The need to be in contact whith persons who have the same attitude to the sexual activities. The collective hobby of couple leads to create an ad on erotic websites. Sexual imagination: The motive is expressed with desire to realize sexual phantasy. At the beginnig they can be also unconscious and the contact with erotic materials can cause the arising of this phantasy from the personal unconscious

Results: engines coming from the user Motives rising from attitude towards sexuality: The user is familiar to sexuality (she/he likes sex – sexual experimentation) The rejection of monogamy concept (the persons in long-term don´t believe that monogamy is natural Benefit: Sexual gratification - realization of sex. imagination Transcendence of casual life (to gain a strong experience) Change in sexual imagination – 2 ways of this change Gradation of sex. phantasy (de Sade) or variation of sex. phantasy (Mutzenbacher) Sex. gratification and change of sex. imagination iniciate the comeback to online erotic dating and they transform themselves into motivation factors.

Results: engines associeted with the aspects of virtual environment Anonymity: The need to protect the user´s privacy and to separate these sexual activities from family, professional life. Easy and rapid access to the Internet (in some cases it can means to gain sex immediately) Internet as a place to meet people: Users face to decreasing public area where it´s possible to gain a free sex I go to the bar where the avarage age of girls is 17 years and I don´t think they look for this what I seek (male user, 40 years old) Bigger probability to meet people with similar experiences

Discussion Perceived factors as the anonymity and the acces partly corresponds with Cooper´s model Triple-A- engine (anonymity, acces, affordability) (Cooper, 1998) Virtual enviroment mediates the possibility to meet other people. This advantage also was the important reason why respondents of Brym´s and Lenton´s (2001) study used the online dating services.

Discussion From the view of unsatisfied needs, detected need to improve sexual life corresponds with results of Divínová (2005) and Waskul (2002) From the view of matrimoniology, the attempt to find free sex is the response to the first marital crisis (after 6/7 of common coexistece) which is followed with the experience of stereotype, with the decrease of sex frequency and with the decrease of sex quality. This crisis is legitimate and inevitable in long-term relationship! (Plaňava, 1998)

Discussion Why can a couple (e.x.) couple seek a free sex together? This phenomenon can be interpreted with two ways: (1) Czech sexologist Kratochvíl (2005) distinguish 2 types of individuals, the first prefers an innovation approach in the sexuality and the second usually prefers to have sex in similar conditions. Both participants in couple could be innovators (2) The couples usually have already children, their reproduction intentions are not current and relevant. A reproduction encertainty (mamma´s baby – papa maybe or papa without sources) doesn´t have to appear (Buss, 1998)

Discussion Benefit: Sexual gratification: It corresponds with McKenna et al. (2001) and Divínová (2005) concept and results consideration: when the sexual gratification become associated only with Internet (online dating), it can cause a problematic engaging in the sexual activities

Conclusion The interaction of the engines coming from the user on one side and the engines of the Internet environment on the other side is respondent for the seeking offline sex. Benefits such the sex. gratification and the change in the sex. imagination can transform into reason why the people seek the offline sex. partner again the offline sex can be one of ways how to face the difficulties which arise from the long-term partnership Implication for counselling: relativizing of monogamy

References: Brym, R., & Lenton, R. (2001). Love online: A report on digital dating in Canada. Available: sociology/newsociety3e/loveonline.pdf. Buss, D., M.(1998). Sexual strategies theory: historical origins and current status. Journal of Sex Research, 35, Cooper, A. (1998). Sexuality and the Internet: Surfing its way into the new Millennium. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 1, Divínová, R. (2005). Cybersex: forma internetové komunikace [Cybersex: the form of the online communication]. Praha: Triton. Kratochvíl, S.(2005). Manželská terapie [Marital therapy]. Praha: Portál. McKenna, K. Y. A., Green, A. S., Smith, P. K.(2001). Demarginalizing the sexual self. The Journal of Sex Research, 38, Plaňava, I.(1998). Spolu každý sám [Together-alone]. Praha: Lidové noviny. Strauss, A., Corbinová, J. (1999). Základy kvalitativního výzkumu: postupy a techniky zakotvené teorie [Basics of Qualitative Research]. Boskovice: Albert. Waskul, D.(2002). The Naked Self: Being Body in Televideo Cybersex. Berkely: Symbolic Interaction, 25,

Presented research was supported by Czech Ministry of Education, Youth and Sport (MSM )

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