© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Chapter 6 Love and Mate Selection Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Chapter Preview Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Topics What is love? Types of love Components of love How does love change over time? How do we choose our mate? Living together Engagement and marriage Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Chapter Questions What do people really mean when they use the word love? Why is romantic love so wonderful? What does eroticism have to do with love? Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Chapter Questions How can adult love be dependent? What does love have to do with being friends? What does altruism look like? Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Chapter Questions So which kind of love makes marriage successful? What does how well our needs were met as babies have to do with our adult relationships? Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Chapter Questions How do peoples attitudes about love change as they get older? How do we find the person we want to marry? Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Chapter Questions How might the way I was raised affect who I choose to marry? What personal qualities are important for a happy marriage? Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Chapter Questions How common is it for people to live together without being married? What happens between wanting to be married and getting married? What formalities mark the transition to being officially married? Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Guided Learning Process 1 st : Question 2 nd : Study 3 rd : Mark 4 th : Question again 5 th : Recite 6 th : Check 7 th : Restudy if necessary Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Text Assignment Preview

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. A What do people really mean when they use the word love?

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How has dating changed in America? How did single people get together before the existence of dating? How did courtship turn into dating? What was dating like on early college campuses? A

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Why is romantic love so wonderful? How important is romance in a marriage? B – B 1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. What does eroticism have to do with love? Isnt love just another word for sex? What does sex have to do with love? C 1-2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How can adult love be dependent? What do we need from love? D – D1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. What does love have to do with being friends? E - E1 Do we have to like someone we love?

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. What does altruism look like? F – F1 How is Fromms view of love different from others?

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. So which kind of love makes marriage successful? G – G1 What have researchers found out about the different kinds of love?

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. H What does how well our needs were met as babies have to do with our adult relationships?

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. I How do peoples attitudes about love change as they get older?

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How do we find the person we want to marry? How does our childhood unconsciously influence what we want in a mate? Do we look for a mate who can give us what we need? J 1-2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How do we find the person we want to marry? Do we choose a mate because we each have something the other one wants? How do we narrow our options down to the person we will marry? J 3-4

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How might the way I was raised affect who I choose to marry? How can marriage be affected when people of different socioeconomic classes marry? Do people have to marry someone with the same education and intelligence level to be happy? K 1-2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How might the way I was raised affect who I choose to marry? How well do interracial and interethnic marriages work? Can marriages between people who have different religions work? K 3-4

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. What personal qualities are important for a happy marriage? What personal traits does research show are likely to make marriage happier? What about age difference? What do we need to agree about to be happily married? L 1-2-3

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. What personal qualities are important for a happy marriage? How do our ideas about men and women and our personal habits affect whether we will be happy when were married? L4

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How common is it for people to live together without being married? Why do people choose to live together without being married? Does living together first increase the chances of having a successful marriage? M 1-2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. What happens between wanting to be married and getting married? How can we know if were ready to be married? What do couples need to do to be legally married? What preparation is important for a successful marriage? N 1-2-3

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. What formalities mark the transition to being officially married? Why does there need to be an engagement period? Why is the wedding itself so important? O 1-2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Special Sections Preview SS

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Personal Perspective: The Big Wedding What are the pros and cons of having a big wedding? Preview PP

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Cultural Perspectives: Chinese Wedding Ceremonies How do Chinese rituals reflect their culture and values? Preview CP

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. At Issue Today: The Lavish Wedding Why are weddings becoming so extravagant and expensive? Preview AI

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. A Question of Policy: Marriage Incentives How are lawmakers seeking to decrease welfare costs? Preview QP

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Preview SS END

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Love We define love according to our own experiences Love = very large concept with many dimensions A

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. A End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Elements of Romantic Love Passionate affection Strong emotion and feeling Desire to be together Sexual attraction Idealization and adoration Altruism and unselfishness Feelings of self-confidence B

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Romantic Love and Marriage Romance brings us into possibly serious relationships Conscious love = romantic feelings towards someone whose real nature we know Romance can blind us to real nature B1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. B End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How are love and sex connected? Strong emotions cause physical arousal – hormones Love and sex can be experienced separately – Reik Casual sex different for men and women Sex can be an expression of love C 1-2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. C End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. The Need for Love Dependent love someones needs are fulfilled by another Why children love their parents Because their parents meet their needs D

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Maslows theory of love as need Everyone has a basic psychological need for love Love is defined as meeting needs D1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. D End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Friendship Love Similar to companionate love Friends truly like one another and enjoy each others company Mature love includes liking E

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Friendship Love Compared to romantic love: More: relaxed secure Less: tense and anxious possessive emotional E 1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. E End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Altruistic Love Unselfish active concern for other Fromm: Care Responsibility Respect Knowledge Domination is opposite of love F1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. F End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Love in Successful Marriage Realistic romantic love Erotic love – builds and strengthens bond Mutually dependent with give and take Friendship and companionship Altruistic genuine concern and care G1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Sternbergs Components of Love Intimacy Passion Commitment G 1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Sternbergs Eight Combinations of Love No Love Liking - I only Infatuation - P only Empty love - C only G1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Sternbergs Eight Combinations of Love Romantic love = I + P Companionate love = I + C Fatuous love = P + C Consummate love = I + P + C G1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. G End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Love and Attachment Early relationships with parents affect: Sense of self-worth Expectations of relationships Patterns of relationships H

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Styles of Attachment Secure – parents met needs promptly and with sensitivity Anxious or ambivalent – parents not dependable in meeting needs Avoidant – parents did not meet needs H

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Relationships and Attachment Lasting relationships secure Fall in love often anxious/ambivalent Doubtful of romantic love avoidant H

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Adolescents and Attachment Secure attachment associated with: stronger friendship groups closer and longer dating friendships less stressed and lonely happier with academics H

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Sex in College and Attachment Anxious/ambivalent – had sex to reduce feelings of insecurity Avoidant – had sex to impress their friends H

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. H End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Changes in Love Over Time Young singles -- more playful obsessive possessive Older married – more practical Men and women had similar attitudes I

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Happily Married People value: Eroticism and sexual intimacy Altruism – self-giving love Friendship Exclusive commitment Support for partner Passionate valuing of partner/relationship I

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. I End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Theories of Mate Selection Psychodynamic Theories Parent image theory Ideal mate theory Needs Theories Exchange Theories J 1-2-3

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Theories of Mate Selection Developmental Process Theories Filtering Propinquity Attraction Homogamy/heterogamy Endogamy/exogamy J 4

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. J End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Family Background Factors in Mate Selection Socioeconomic Class > more satisfied if marry at same level > women more unlikely to marry down K 1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Family Background Factors in Mate Selection Education and Intelligence > more stable if partners at similar levels > divorce more likely if woman has more education K 2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How well do interethnic marriages work? Interethnic Marriages > becoming more common > 3.6% of couples > not yet fully accepted K 3

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How well do interfaith marriages work? Interfaith Marriages > less likely if conservative or orthodox > becoming more common > more common among highly educated K 4

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. K End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Personal Characteristics Individual traits/behavior Age differentials Similarity of attitudes & values Compatible roles Personal habits L

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. L End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Nonmarital Cohabitation Very common today Statistics Can be advanced form of dating Doesnt require marriage intention M 1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Nonmarital Cohabitation Patterns of Relationships Utilitarian Involved & committed Trial marriage Marriage prelude Marriage alternative M 2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Nonmarital Cohabitation Living together marriage ? NO Because: Lower commitment level Different characteristics Divorce rate higher unless already committed to getting married M 3

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. M End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. How can we know if were ready to be married? Both people feel ready to be married Career preparation finished Emotionally mature Marrying for the right reasons Want to be sexually faithful Can transfer affection from parents N 1

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Marriage and the Law States have different requirements Those with following cannot marry: Consanguinity Affinity Mental deficiency Insanity N 2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Marriage and the Law Requirements for legal marriage: Age of 18 or parents consent Capable of fulfilling marriage requirements Full consent Legally sane Permit, sometimes requires waiting period or tests N 2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Preparation for Marriage Parents may be good models Premarital relationship assessments can reveal areas of difficulty PREPARE/ENRICH AND FOCCUS programs have good predictive validity N 3

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. N End

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Rites of Passage Rites of passage ceremonies or rituals marking the passage from one social status to another Engagement Intermediate stage between courtship and marriage The wedding is a religious and civil rite O 1-2

© 2005 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. O End