Activity 2: What Makes Couples Tick?

Overview In this activity you will learn about the factors influencing the decisions and behaviours in intimate relationships, including destructive factors and conflict resolution strategies.  You will explore factors influencing satisfaction with enduring couple relationships, and role-play conflict resolution strategies. You will demonstrate your understanding of current research on factors influencing satisfaction with enduring relationships by summarizing your knowledge in a discussion, and by creating a Top 10 List of Highly Effective Couples.

Marital Satisfaction Marital satisfaction varies predictably and normally over the course of a relationship’s lifespan.

Marital satisfaction is largely subjective, and depends on the perception of the partners.  A relationship in which the needs, interests, and expectations of each partner match is considered a satisfying relationship. Married people tend to be happier than non-married people

Influences on Marital Satisfaction Marital satisfaction is heavily influenced by each partner’s degree of commitment to maintaining the relationship.  Enduring relationships are satisfying for both partners

Marital satisfaction is improved when each partner has a healthy self-identity, and functions as a secure individual within the relationship.

The developmental stage of the relationship is a reliable predictor of marriage satisfaction. Satisfaction levels off, however, as the relationship matures and the couple develop coping strategies and a marital system.

How well a couple deals with their conflicts influences their sense of satisfaction with their relationship. Homogenous spouses tend to report fewer conflicts and greater satisfaction with their relationship than spouses who do not share similar interests and values.

Conflict Nature The presence of conflict in a relationship is normal and natural.  Not attempting to resolve the conflicts, however, can be an indicator of power inequality and relationship trouble. 

Causes Conflict in a new marriage can arise as the romantic ideal of “being married” meets the daily reality of living with another person.  Resolving the psychological Independence vs. Dependence, and Intimacy vs. Isolation crises are important milestones at this stage.

Causes continued… In an established relationship, typical conflicts are over money and the division of household chores.  Spouses may find themselves becoming emotionally distant from, or resentful of, each other.  Sexual relationships may also decline. 

Causes continued... Normative and non-normative crises cause conflict and stress in intimate relationships.  Normative events, such as becoming parents and retirement, are significant and bring many adjustments to the relationship.  New couples need to establish ways to deal with conflict.

Conflict Theory Conflict theorists explain the source of conflict as a power inequity between the partners. Individual motivators are strong influences on behaviour, as each person attempts to resolve the conflict in a way that benefits him/her. When conflicts are repeatedly resolved in favour of one spouse, power inequities emerge.

Heterogamous relationships report greater conflicts. Unresolved conflicts lead to marital dissatisfaction and power inequalities. Heterogamous relationships report greater conflicts. Unresolved conflicts lead to marital dissatisfaction and power inequalities.

Expectations and pressures, from the individuals as well as from society, can bring conflict to a relationship.

Communication Strategies Successful negotiation is the result of open and honest communication between the partners, examining choices and options, flexibility, accommodation, and tolerance. Negotiation is the key to conflict resolution.

Spouses who can read each other’s cues accurately are more likely to communicate successfully. Individuals who have difficulty understanding their partners’ signals report less satisfaction in their relationships.

Couples who report quality communication patterns feel more satisfied with their relationship. Nonverbal cues are just as important as verbal communication.

Problem solving A couple’s belief that they can resolve conflict is a strong predictor of their ability to reconcile their differences.

Effective communication transmits the message clearly.  The receiver understands the intended message, and it is not misunderstood. 

Decision Making Negotiating a “win-win” situation, with a mutually-beneficial outcome, or taking turns are two healthy ways to resolve conflict.   Sharing decision-making responsibilities is most effective when it is based on each partner’s interests and areas of expertise, and when the decision-making power is balanced. A couples who does not have good problem solving and decision making skills will be unhappy in their relationship.

Spouses who are interested in making good decisions must first agree on the goal, or ideal outcome. Then they can create a set of possible actions to achieve that outcome. Together, they can decide on the best course of action, one that is most likely to accomplish their goal.