1. Marriage: Building a Strong Foundation
Chapter 11

2. Marriage Today… 54% of individuals over age of 15 are married
27% have never married
18% are divorced, separated or widowed
Delaying marriage until older
U.S. Bureau of the Census, 2004

3. The Case for Marriage Healthier lifestyle Longer life
More satisfying sexual relationship
Children do better
Waite & Gallagher, 2000; Waite, 1998

4. Marital Trends Marriage rate declining
Increase number of people who divorce not remarrying
Number of cohabitating couples rising

5. Formula for Successful Marriage
Independent and secure partners
Love self as well as partner
Enjoy alone time
Establish self in career/work first
Partners know themselves
Assertive communication patterns
Law of enlightened self interest

6. Positive Reasons for Marriage
Companionship
Love and intimacy
Developing self and partner
Sexual satisfaction
Parenthood

7. Negative Reasons for Marriage
Premarital pregnancy
Rebellion or escape from parents
Desire for independence
Replace lost love or relationship
Family or social pressure
Economic security

8. Parent’s Marital Status and Couple’s Premarital Satisfaction
Stewart & Olson, 1995

9. Marriage Preparation Rising interest in preparing for marriage
Premarital programs:
Often clergy lead
Limited depth
1-2 sessions common
Workshop, retreat, or small group common formats

10. Premarital Programs Effective programs: Utilize a premarital inventory
Focus on communication and problem solving skills
Occur in small group format with other couples
Begin 12 months prior to marriage—lasting 6-8 weeks

11. Predicting Marital Success
Gottman & Silver (1999)
Examined communication patterns and conflict resolution among couples
Ratio of criticisms versus positive comments predicted success
Olson & Colleagues
Questionnaire format with PREPARE or ENRICH
Predict divorce with 80% to 85% accuracy

12. Premarital Couples Who Become Happy Married Couples
As Premarital Couples they:
Were Realistic
Had Good Communication Skills
Had Good Conflict Resolution Skills
Enjoyed Personality of Partner
Shared Religious and Ethical values
Had Equalitarian Role Relationships
Balanced Couple and Individual interests
Olson & Olson, 2000

13. Getting Started…The Difficult Early Years
Newlywed years often most difficult because:
Transition from:
Individual to couple
Family of origin to couple
Idealism
Undesirable traits of partner “revealed” in the midst of daily life

14. Marital Difficulties and Necessary Adjustments in Early Years
Family of Origin issues
Independence
Function as Couple
Financial
Sexual
Social Network
Recommendations
Acknowledge and Handle Hostility
Tolerate Imperfections and Differences
Separate from Family of Origin
Be Committed
Be Realistic
Arond & Pauker, 1987

15. Five Types of Marriage Vitalized Harmonious Traditional Conflicted
Devitalized
Olson & Olson, 2000; Allen & Olson, 2001

16. Five Types of Married Couples
Olson & Olson, 2000

17. Marital Success of Premarital Types
Four Premarital Types
Very
Happily Married
Less Happily Married
Separated or Divorced
Total Couples
Vitalized
60%
23%
17%
100%
Harmonious 46 29 25
100
Traditional 34 50 16
Conflicted 30 54
Fowers, Montel & Olson, 1996

18. “Marriage Work” Marriages require work
Couple time can get lost in midst of family time:
Limit family outside activities
Schedule couple time and activities
View marriage as an investment for self and family