1. Divorce/Qualities of a Successful Marriage

2. Divorce
11/14/2018

3. Probability of Divorce: Social and Demographic Factors
Marital Age and Childbearing
earlier marriages are at higher risk
marriages where there is premarital childbirth are at higher risk
Religion, Socioeconomic Status, Race
those who attend church/religious institutions regularly have lower divorce rates
interfaith marriages have higher divorce rates
men earning less income and women earning median income have higher divorce rates
African-Americans have highest divorce rates, Caucasians are in the middle, Mexican-Americans have the lowest divorce rates (do not have stats on Asians, Middle Easterners, or other ethnic groups)
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4. divorce highest in the West, next highest in the South
Geographic Area
divorce highest in the West, next highest in the South
divorce higher in big cities than rural areas
Parental Divorce
divorce higher if parents got divorced
Presence of Children
risk of divorce decreases with increasing numbers of children up to 5 and then increases
risk of divorce is lowest when children below 3 years, highest when children in midteens, lower again after children reach 17 years
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5. Causes of Divorce (see overhead) Wife Husband
Therapists – communication, unrealistic expectations, power, individual problems, role conflict, lack of loving feelings, affection demonstration, alcoholism, affairs, sex
Process of Disaffection
the beginning phase – disappointment, disillusionment, hurt and anger
the middle phase – anger and hurt increase, people expect negative behavior from partner, both become apathetic, attempts to please partner lessen
the end phase – anger is frequently reported, feelings of trust decline, helplessness increases
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6. satisfaction or attractions of the marriage barriers to getting out
The Divorce Decision –
Factors to Consider –
satisfaction or attractions of the marriage
barriers to getting out
attractiveness of alternatives to marriage
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7. Alternatives to divorce marital counseling marital enrichment
structured separation – couples separate temporarily and come together with counseling to interrupt old interactional patterns
reasons for a structured separation – extreme conflict, absence of spouse reinforcement, feeling smothered by jealousy or control, midlife crisis, indecision regarding divorce
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8. Alimony and child support Mediation vs. legal process
Legal issues
No fault divorce – irreconcilable differences caused breakdown of the marriage, no one at fault (as opposed to adversarial approach)
Property and money
Alimony and child support
Mediation vs. legal process
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9. Loneliness and readjustment
Adult Adjustment –
Emotional trauma – a great deal of loss and a sense of failure, low self esteem
Attitudes of society – can be judgmental, marital community may be rejecting
Loneliness and readjustment
Finances – women go down in financial status, men go up
Realignment of responsibilities and work roles
Sexual readjustments
Contacts with exspouse
Kinship interaction
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10. Child Adjustment
most of the emotional and academic problems occur in the first 6 months to two years, boys act out more
some indication of long term trust issues in relationships but no conclusive data
worst emotional outcome when marital conflict was low or nonexistent and it comes as a surprise to the children
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11. Qualities of a Successful Marriage
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12. How do you evaluate marital success? Durability?
Approximation of Ideals?
Fulfillment of Individual Needs?
Marital satisfaction – the extent to which couples are satisfied with the marriage – best indicator
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13. commitment of partners to each other
12 Qualities of a Successful Marriage (as determined by 3 large studies on marriage)
Commitment – high degree of motivation to make the marriage work and a willingness to expend personal time and energy to make sure it does
commitment to self
commitment of partners to each other
commitment to the relationship, marriage and family
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14. should be equal division of labor
Honesty, trust, fidelity –takes time to get established and can be ruined with one dishonest action of enough severity
Responsibility
should be equal division of labor
gender role performance should match expectations
Adaptability, flexibility, tolerance – can allow for growth and change in a spouse and adapt to outside stressors or circumstances
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15. Unselfishness – giving of yourself but not too much
Communication – listening, sharing feelings, giving clear messages, etc.
Empathy, sensitivity – ability to identify with feelings and thoughts of another
Admiration, respect – accepting, appreciating, liking, and being respectful of another’s differences
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16. Affection – couples must meet each other’s need for physical and verbal affection
Companionship – spending time together, sharing interests and activities, enjoying each other
Ability to deal with crises, stress – must be able to constructively deal with frustration and anger without taking it out on others
Spirituality and values – religious orientation, similar beliefs and values
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