Guiding Children Chapter 3.2

The Tasks of Parenting There are three basic tasks of parenting. To meet the child’s basic needs To nurture the child. To guide children to show appropriate behavior.

Meeting Basic Needs Food, clothing, shelter Watch over their safety Begin teaching them language Take an active role in schooling Teach them to get along Love them

Nurture Encourage , Enrich Show love, support and concern Nurturing parents give children the freedom they need in order to learn. Remove as many barriers as possible so children can explore. Children don’t need fancy toys.

Guide Use words kids can understand. Be clear. Be positive and polite. Give praise and love. Limit directions to those that are essential. Talk about what’s important to the child, take an interest.

Understanding Guidance Using firmness and understanding to help children learn to control their behaviors. As a result we should get kids who are self-disciplined. In guidance, there is some discipline involved, but only when necessary.

Effective Guidance Helps children to get along with others and handle their feelings. Makes kids feel secure. Helps in the moral development. Gradually children develop a conscience (a sense of right and wrong.)

Consistency Must clearly make the rules and apply them the same way in all situations. Kids lose trust and confidence when you don’t. Especially important when more than one person cares for that child.

Three Ways to Guide Behavior Encourage appropriate behavior. Set and enforce limits. Deal with poor behavior effectively.

Encourage Appropriate Behavior Setting a good example. Telling what is expected. Around age 3, kids begin to understand reasoning. (It hurts the dog when you pull his tail.)

Praising Appropriate Behavior Positive reinforcement/likely to repeat action. Be specific Notice the behavior as soon as possible. Recognize small steps Help the child take pride in his actions. Tailor the encouragement to the needs of the child. Offer choices As kids get older, let them make some decisions.

Setting Limits What should they be? Should help keep kids from hurting themselves, other people or property. Need to be few and reasonable. Keep in mind: Does the limit allow the child to learn, explore and grow? Fair and appropriate for age? Does the limit benefit the child merely for the convenience of the adult?

Making Limits Clear State limits simply and briefly Must be clear Use a calm voice

Setting Limits Includes Four Steps Show understanding of the child’s desires. Set the limit and explain it. Acknowledge the child’s feelings. Give alternatives.

Dealing With Inappropriate Behavior Is the expected behavior appropriate given the child’s development? Does the child understand that the behavior is wrong? Was the behavior done knowingly and on purpose or was it beyond the child’s control?

Unintentional Behavior Rather than scolding, use it for a teaching moment.

Using Punishment Effectively Punishment is negative reinforcement. The first time a child breaks a rule, give a warning. The second time, might need a consequence.

Useful Techniques Natural consequences: might be punishment enough. Loss of privilege: if natural consequences isn’t suitable, this might work. Best for ages 5 and up. Give time-out: one minute for each year of age.

Poor Disciplinary Measures Bribing- the child may begin to expect a reward for appropriate behavior. Making children promise to behave- kids will naturally make mistakes, don’t make them feel guilty. Shout or yell- frightens a young child, use a calm voice. Shaming or belittling-harms the child’s self confidence. Threatening to withhold love- creates fear of abandonment.

Help Children Learn How to Handle Their Anger Use words Speak calmly Count to 10