EFFECTIVE LISTENING SKILLS Adapted from: McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. Messages: the Communication Skills Book. Oakland, CA.: New Harbinger Publications, 1983. www.newharbinger.com
Effective listening can reduce the number of our stressors It helps us to establish and maintain our relationships. It keeps us from missing important information. Can you think of situations when your lack of effective listening has caused you stress? Can you think of situations when your lack of effective listening has caused stress for others?
There are four basic components to effective listening listening with empathy listening with openness listening with awareness listening actively
Listening with Empathy Sometimes we do not listen to others because we are not interested in what the other person is saying we do not understand what the other person is saying we do not agree with the other person
Listening with Empathy To listen with empathy, try to identify what needs the other person is trying to meet Ask yourself these questions: What need is this person’s emotion(s) coming from? What danger is the person experiencing? What is he or she asking for?
Listening with Openness Sometimes we do not listen because we do not want to hear what is being said we feel threatened by the content we fear being wrong we cannot believe that an unlikable person has something to say that is worth considering
Listening with Openness To listen with openness, imagine you are a detective trying to get all the facts. You are trying to find the truth. View the information from the perspective of the other person. Consider the other person’s background, culture, history, etc.
Listening with Awareness There are two components to listening with awareness: being aware of conflicts between what is being said and your own knowledge base being aware of conflicts between the content of the message and the body language of the speaker (tone, voice inflections, stance, etc.) Recognizing that conflicts can be a tool for making the verbalized message more accurate.
Active Listening Actively listening means to be verbally involved with the communication. Active listening helps us to keep our minds focused on the communication. The three elements of active listening are paraphrasing clarifying feedback
Paraphrasing Paraphrasing is used when you think you are understanding the message. Paraphrasing is repeating back to the speaker, in your own words, what you think you heard said. If your paraphrase is accurate, the speaker will appreciate the fact that you were listening. If your paraphrase is inaccurate, it cues the speaker to make his or her message clearer so you will understand.
Clarifying Clarifying is used when you know you do not understand what the speaker is saying. Clarifying is simply asking direct questions about that part of the message you do not understand. By asking questions during the conversation, you are better able to keep focused on the content of the message. The clarifying process also lets the speaker know that you are really listening and care about what the speaker is communicating.
NOTES on Paraphrasing and Clarifying Paraphrasing and clarifying are techniques applied while the speaker is presenting his or her information. The content of the paraphrasing statements and clarifying questions are based on what the speaker has said, NOT on the listener’s feelings or personal thoughts on the subject.
Feedback Feedback is the listener’s opportunity to express personal feelings and thoughts about what was communicated. Feedback is provided after the speaker has fully communicated his or her message. Feedback should be immediate supportive honest
In Summary Effective listening helps to manage our stressors. Effective listening involves listening with empathy listening with openness listening with awareness listening actively Active listening includes paraphrasing clarifying feedback