Understanding Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal communication Interpersonal communication occurs when people treat one another as unique individuals, regardless of the context in which the interaction occurs or the number of people involved.

Why form relationships? Whom do you find most attractive – a confident person, a nice person, or a “player”? The Science of Attraction [12:33]

Why we form relationships? Appearance Similarity Complementarity Reciprocal Attraction Competence Disclosure Proximity Rewards

Why form relationships? (cont.) Scientists believe that ALL relationships – both impersonal and personal – are based on the social exchange theory. We seek out people who can give us rewards (tangible or intangible) that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them Rewards – Cost = Outcome

Marriage…. Rewards vs Costs What You Don’t Know About Marriage [11:18]

Content vs Relational Messages Content messages focus on the subject being discussed. Relational messages reveal the communicator’s feelings and attitudes. Dimensions of Relational Messages Affinity Respect Immediacy Control

Types of Relationships Acquaintances – goal is to reduce uncertainty and maintain face Friends – we voluntarily become more personal Close friends / Intimates – few people we share trust with high degree of commitment, disclosure, and interdependence

Metacommunication Metacommunication is communication about communication Essential ingredient in successful relationships Tool for handling problems Reinforces good aspects of a relationship

The Stages of Relationships Beginning relationships Developing relationships Maintaining relationships Deteriorating and Dissolving relationships

Mark Knapp’s Stages of the Relationship

Stages of Relationships (Mark Knapp) Initiating – brief interactions to show interest Experimenting – small talk Intensifying – expression of feelings (WE) Integrating – take identity as one social unit Bonding – make symbolic public gestures

Relationship Stages (cont.) Differentiating – need to gain privacy Circumscribing – withdrawal, shrinking of interest Stagnating – no growth occurs Avoiding – physical distance occurs Terminating – relationship ends

Dialectics in Interpersonal Relationships Autonomy vs. Connection Openness vs. Closedness (privacy) Novelty vs. Predictability

Dimensions of Intimacy Physical Intellectual sharing Emotional Shared activities

Gender styles Women are more likely to share thoughts and feelings 75% of men surveyed said most meaningful experiences w/ friends came from activities other than talking

Personal Preferences for Intimacy (Chapman’s 5 Love Languages) Affirming Words are statements compliment or express love. Quality Time involves talking or sharing an activity together. Acts of Service are favors which could include running errands, caring for a sick friend, doing household chores. Gifts Physical Touch includes hugging, kissing, touching, etc.

Self-Disclosure Self-disclosure is the process of deliberately revealing information about oneself that is significant and that would not normally be known by others. Disclosure is revealing confidential or secret information. Disclosure is a larger concept because it includes confidential information about others as well as yourself (Petronio, 2002)

Johari Window Open, Hidden, Blind / Secret, Unknown

Self-Disclosure effects the relationship…. Intimacy – Because of Dialectical tensions, people more back and forth between greater disclosure and privacy. Disclosure can increase and decrease intimacy. Reciprocity – how long do you wait before you reciprocate disclosure Trust – How does your partner treat information you shared

Guidelines for Disclosure Self-disclose information you want others to disclose to you Continue self-disclosure when reciprocated Gradually move to deeper levels of self- disclosure Observe the risk involved in self-disclosing

Cultural and Gender Differences Formal Cultures Engage in Less Self- Disclosure Germany More Formal than America Misperceptions in Early Stages of Cross-Cultural Relationships Across Cultures - More Intimacy, More Self-Disclosure

Cultural and Gender Differences (con’t) In General, Men Tend to Disclose Less Than Women, but This Varies by Individual and Cultural Tradition Men in our society are more likely to view conversation as report-talk Women in our society are more likely to view conversation as rapport-talk Tannen, 1990