Communicate to influence Chrissie Wright DSC cwright@dsc.org.uk

Communicate to Influence “ Seek first to understand, then be understood”.

Communication to Influence

“Leadership is about the ability to influence people by personal attributes and behaviours”. John Adair

How about you? In your influencing, What do you do well? What would you like to do even better? What might you need to work on to get better results with “difficult” people?

What makes us tick? … and what’s that got to do with onions? Communicate to Influence What makes us tick? … and what’s that got to do with onions?

THE HUMAN ONION

Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people.

Core Values Reputation Love Self-respect Integrity Religion Honesty Being attractive Creativity Generosity Professionalism Friendship Money Status Cleanliness Winning Family Caring Equality

Influenced by our values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people. Attitudes and Beliefs Influenced by our values

An internal response, related to our attitudes and beliefs Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people. Attitudes and Beliefs Influenced by our values Feelings An internal response, related to our attitudes and beliefs

An external reaction to all of the above Values Influenced from early on in our childhood – by the ‘big’ people. Attitudes and Beliefs Influenced by our values Feelings An internal response, related to our attitudes and beliefs Behaviour An external reaction to all of the above

Choose a babysitter CHARACTER A CHARACTER B Actively rebellious Showed disregard for law and authority Described as a promoter of violence and symbol of resistance Imprisoned, accused of terrorist type activity Married 3 times Consistently absent as a father and husband Brought up with a religious education Interested in the arts Described by many as studious and ambitious A willing volunteer and missionary Loyal serviceman Awarded for bravery Respected as an authority in his field

Choose a babysitter CHARACTER A CHARACTER B Actively rebellious Showed disregard for law and authority Described as a promoter of violence and symbol of resistance Imprisoned, accused of terrorist type activity Married 3 times Consistently absent as a father and husband Brought up with a religious education Interested in the arts Described by many as studious and ambitious A willing volunteer and missionary Loyal serviceman Awarded for bravery Respected as an authority in his field

Choose a babysitter CHARACTER A CHARACTER B

Personal Power Sources of Power Position Power Resource Power Information Power Association Power Expert Power Personal Power

Personal Power Being present The power of positive questions Efficiency vs. effectiveness Interpersonal skills Flexibility and adaptability Commitment Respect and trust Knowledge base and expertise Wide network

“In organisations, real power and energy is generated through relationships. The patterns of relationships and the capacities to form them are more important than tasks, functions, roles and positions”. Margaret Wheatley

Communication Style Preferences FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS

Communication Style Preferences FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS Logical Decides after evaluation Wants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended to More concerned with ideas and principles than people May be self-critical NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS

Communication Style Preferences FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS Logical Decides after evaluation Wants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended to More concerned with ideas and principles than people May be self-critical Nice Can be slow to change Avoids confrontation and conflict Wants harmony Likes to know motivations Intuitive NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS

Communication Style Preferences FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS Logical Decides after evaluation Wants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended to More concerned with ideas and principles than people May be self-critical Nice Can be slow to change Avoids confrontation and conflict Wants harmony Likes to know motivations Intuitive NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS Fun Enthusiastic Optimistic Unstructured Can be mischievous Forms opinions from feelings People oriented

Communication Style Preferences FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS Logical Decides after evaluation Wants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended to More concerned with ideas and principles than people May be self-critical Nice Can be slow to change Avoids confrontation and conflict Wants harmony Likes to know motivations Intuitive NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS Fun Enthusiastic Optimistic Unstructured Can be mischievous Forms opinions from feelings People oriented Results oriented Direct Loves change and challenge Decides quickly Risk taker Seeks solutions Can be hasty

Communication Style Preferences FACTS & FIGURES PEOPLE & FEELINGS Logical Decides after evaluation Wants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended to More concerned with ideas and principles than people May be self-critical Nice Can be slow to change Avoids confrontation and conflict Wants harmony Likes to know motivations Intuitive NEW IDEAS & CREATIVITY CHALLENGE & RESULTS Fun Enthusiastic Optimistic Unstructured Can be mischievous Forms opinions from feelings People oriented Results oriented Direct Loves change and challenge Decides quickly Risk taker Seeks solutions Can be hasty

Influencing Styles Action Style – Red I say exactly what I want I am impatient I offer to make a deal I am willing to give something in order to get something I make clear demands and expectations

Influencing styles Process style – green I put forward proposals and suggestions I present clearly and calmly I use facts to support my ideas I am systematic and logical I argue against opposing points of view

Influencing Styles Ideas Style – yellow I identify common goals and values I establish common ground with others I communicate optimism and enthusiasm I share my ambitions and dreams I emphasise areas of agreement I focus on future possibilities

Influencing Styles People Style – blue I share information about my personal feelings I express my hopes and fears I ask for help when uncertain or confused I test understanding of what others have said I ask questions to seek more information I draw others out to full understand their concerns,

Reflection and Action Thinking about communication style preferences …. Which new approaches could you try to communicate with more influence?

A Listening Exercise You will need a pen and a piece of paper Work on your own – no comments or questions Instructions once only Follow instructions and do exactly what I say

Mummy Bull

Focus your energy Circle of Influence Circle of concern

E’sy Listening? EARS EVALUATION EYES EGO EXPERIENCE EMOTION EXPECTATION

Monroe’s Motivated Sequence Step One: Get Attention Step Two: Establish the Need Step Three: Satisfy the Need Step Four: Visualize the Future Step Five: Inspire Action

Conflict – A Definition PEOPLES’ DIFFERENCES WORKING AGAINST EACH OTHER

Dealing with conflict Concern with others’ needs Concern with own goals Concern with others’ needs

Dealing with conflict Competing Collaborating Compromising Avoiding Assertive Compromising Avoiding Accommodating Non-Assertive Non-Co-operative Co-operative

Dealing with Conflict Competing Collaborating Compromising Avoiding Assertive Compromising Avoiding Accommodating Non-Assertive Non-Co-operative Co-operative

Collaborate to Influence What characteristics and behaviours would you expect in a collaborative relationship?

Useful Influencing Behaviours I openly express my feelings about the current situation I express my views and opinions backed by reasons, forcefully enough to be taken seriously I demonstrate listening by giving attention, reflecting data and feeling and summarising I use questions to increase understanding of your position I disclose personal and work information appropriate to the relevant situation I spell out the benefits or consequences of meeting … or not meeting my expectations I state what I want or what action I want taken I focus and build on common ground

Portraying Confidence Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

communicate with influence You CANNOT change other people, but you can communicate with influence