A Body Language Case Study: The Handshake

“By a man’s fingernails, by his coat-sleeve, by his boots, by his trouser-knees, by the calluses of his forefinger and thumb, by his expression, by his shirt-cuffs, by his movements – by each of these things a man’s calling is plainly revealed. That all united should fail to enlighten the competent enquirer in any case is almost inconceivable.” Sherlock Holmes, 1892

Body Language Body language is an outward reflection of a person’s emotional condition. Each gesture or movement can be a valuable key to an emotion a person may be feeling at the time.... A person who is feeling fearful or defensive might fold their arms or cross their legs, someone who is lying may touch their mouth or blink more often. …Speakers call the ability to read these signals and adapt to them “audience awareness” or relating to the group.

Perception Being perceptive means being able to spot the contradictions between someone’s words and their body language. Studies show that a person who relies on hard visual evidence face-to-face about the behavior of another person is more likely to make more accurate judgments about that person. The evidence is in the person’s body language... Anyone can teach themselves consciously to read the signals.

Clusters & Context Visual clues come in clusters and in context. One gesture in isolation may mean something different when evaluated as part of several gestures or within a context. Crossed arms can mean resistance to the speaker or just a cold room. Scratching the head can mean uncertainty or dandruff

Incongruence When a person’s word and body language are in conflict, women ignore what is said. If you saw a politician standing behind a lectern speaking confidently, but with his arms tightly folded across his chest and chin down while telling his audience he was receptive to new ideas, would you be convinced?

The Handshake Shaking hands is a relic of our ancient past. The Romans grasped each others forearms to check for daggers hidden in the sleeves. In the 19 th century the handshake emerged as a way to seal commercial transactions between men of equal status. The modern greeting of handshaking has only emerged in the last hundred years.

Communication in the Handshake One of three attitudes is subconsciously transmitted: Dominance – the “upper hand”(palm down) Submission – the more palm upward hand Equality – both vertical, even pressure

Handshake Theory Some social observers do conceive of the handshake as a game in which both “players” try to send the “winning” messages of confidence, trustworthiness, or other social positives. The “winner” is not the strongest grip (its not a wrestling contest) but the person who is perceived as equitable, friendly, confident and capable.

Handshake Messages Most male managers or “bosses” initiate the handshake and use the “dominant” handshake position. A submissive handshake position can convey the message of letting the other person take control, or when giving an apology.

Power Players A young Boy’s State participant, Bill Clinton, shakes the hand of President John F. Kennedy.

Ladies Only Most men have had some handshake instruction from their male mentors as boys, however few women report the same tutelage. As women have joined the ranks of professionals it is important that they develop a handshake for business contexts. Many women have a softer or more feminine handshake in social contexts, but business is not the place for this handshake. Women may need to initiate handshaking, and develop an equal or dominant handshake to gain the respect and create the rapport in that important first impression handshake.

Joining the Boy’s Club Women have a foothold in most professions today, but lawsuits are documenting how tenuous that can be. Expanding the "comfort factor" between the mostly male bosses and credentialed, up- and-coming women is a challenge. The handshake is one subtle signal that a woman is comfortable in a traditionally male dominated profession.

Variations on the Handshake To gain greater connection, some handshakers put their left hand on top to fully enclose the hand of the other person. This can be a gesture conveying heartfelt emotion or greater intimacy. This can be the intimacy of friendship, brotherhood, or something more.

Let’s Give ‘Em Something to Talk About After this encounter with British Foreign Minister Straw, the press speculated wildly that he and Secretary of State Rice had a “special relationship.”

Arm Barometer To use the left hand to touch the elbow or upper arm is an even more intimate gesture. The further up the arm the more personal and affecting the connection is conveyed. The shoulder would be a very intensely personal or intimate touch point, whereas the elbow would be less so; although any grasp with the left hand is a connection beyond a traditional handshake.

Allies? France’s Jacques Chirac reaches out with an “elbow hug” to Britain’s Tony Blair.

The Nixon Kennedy Debates Those listening to the Presidential Debates on the radio overwhelmingly agreed that Nixon had won; those audiences who watched on television pegged Kennedy as the sure victor. Nixon’s weaker body language signals were not a factor for the radio audience.

Politics as Usual Presidential Opponents Kennedy and Nixon shake hands as Nixon moves in with an arm grasp.

Principles of a GREAT Handshake Web to web connection 2 pumps up and down Eye contact at the moment of connecting hands Medium firm grip with fingers wrapped around other’s hand Equitable vertical alignment

Now practice! Consciously focus on your handshakes with others and apply the 5 principles. Seek out opportunities to practice your handshake – among friends, church, weddings, graduations, meeting new people. Try shaking hands with your teachers or coaches

Remember... Having a confident, friendly, equitable handshake translates into respect. There will be many key moments in your life when a great handshake can help you get what you want.