NUR 152 MESA COMMUNITY COLLEGE Communication

Agreeing with the critic’s argument without defensiveness or agreement to change. Examples: A: “You people have no idea how to run a hospital. Nobody’s been on time for anything.” B: “You’re right. Things have not always happened on time.

A: “Why can’t they send up a stupid little egg salad and get it right?” B: “You’re right. There have been a lot of problems getting your snacks right” A: “You probably don’t care about anything but getting your breaks on time!” B: “Yes, I’m sure it looks and feels that way to you right now.” or “Yes, we do try to take our breaks and lunches and if you’re not getting what you need, it could seem like we don’t care about you.”

Defusing an angry confrontation by interrupting it until both parties can be respectful. Examples: “I can see that you’re really angry right now. I want to talk to you about this but when we are both calmer. Let’s take ten minutes after work this afternoon. “I’m willing to talk this through, but not while you’re this angry. When you are calm and can be respectful of me and my position on this, I’ll be happy to continue our discussion.”

Delaying an answer or response until it can be carefully considered and given without feeling under pressure or obligation. Example: A: “Could you bake 8 dozen cookies for the open house on Wednesday?” B: “Let me think about that and look at my calendar. I’ll get back with you this evening.”

Admitting when you are wrong, when the critic is correct in his/her assessment, or when you disagree. Examples: A: “Whoa, Dude! You really bombed that test!” B: “Yeah, I just never got around to studying like I had planned to.” A: “Hey! Let’s go out and party hearty after the test today.” B: “No, today’s not good for me. Another time.”

Formula 1: Simple assertion: Statement of a need, opinion, question, feeling, request, with ownership and recognition of EVERYONE’S rights “I need time to think about this before I give my answer.” “I don’t agree with some parts of the new admission procedure.” “Today I can’t stay over to help you clean up. I have a doctor’s appointment across town.”

Formula 2: Empathetic Assertion Validate other person’s feelings State requested change/behavior “I know your anxiety is high and you’d just as soon never walk onto that psych unit. But I’ll need to see your competency with patients having these types of illnesses in order to pass you in block 2.”

Formula 3: Feeling Assertion Describe the behavior Express your feelings/emotions (not thoughts or opinions) State the requested change “When you look angry, but won’t talk to me about how you feel and what’s going on, I feel frustrated and scared. I’d really like you to tell me what’s going on; or at least set a time when we can talk about it.”