Dealing With Difficult Volunteer Situations Dealing with Difficult Volunteers and Difficult Volunteer Situations Coordinators Conference Octover 18, 2014 Pam Love

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Topics For Discussion Types Types Needs Needs Feelings Feelings Myths or Truths Myths or Truths Ideas Ideas Tools Tools D word D word Examples Examples Role Play Role Play

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Types of Difficult Behaviours or Situations Chronic complainers Chronic complainers Negative attitudes Negative attitudes Meeting disrupters Meeting disrupters Mental illness/dementia Mental illness/dementia Do not keep commitments Do not keep commitments Do not follow the rules Do not follow the rules Others challenges? Others challenges?

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Some Thoughts Conflict can be defined to exist when one person has a need of another and that need is not met. Conflict can be defined to exist when one person has a need of another and that need is not met. We tend to get along with those people that agree with us, see things from our point of view and follow our policies and guidelines We tend to get along with those people that agree with us, see things from our point of view and follow our policies and guidelines It’s their behavior – you can’t change them It’s their behavior – you can’t change them Life happens - what’s outside the fence? Life happens - what’s outside the fence?

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Needs – What’s important? Get it done Get it right Get along Get a pat on the Back

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Your Fellings are Important How do you feel when you have to deal with a difficult volunteer? How do you feel when you have to deal with a difficult volunteer? Take an observer with you if you are feeling afraid Take an observer with you if you are feeling afraid Be calm – try the Freezeframe technique Be calm – try the Freezeframe technique

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Myths or Truths Ignoring the problem will make it go away Ignoring the problem will make it go away No one else notices. I’m the only one suffering No one else notices. I’m the only one suffering I can fix or change the problem/person I can fix or change the problem/person There’s good in everyone I just need to find it There’s good in everyone I just need to find it If I confront them I will make things worse If I confront them I will make things worse If I confront them they`ll leave and the group, program, event will die If I confront them they`ll leave and the group, program, event will die If I am really the caring and all-accepting person I should be, I can handle them If I am really the caring and all-accepting person I should be, I can handle them If I push them out they will be mad at me If I push them out they will be mad at me

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Ideas Both parties will have their own opinion, judgement, values and emotions attached to what happened or did not happen. Both parties will have their own opinion, judgement, values and emotions attached to what happened or did not happen. Have a conversation and focus on the facts, acknowledge their emotions and ask open ended questions: why, how, tell me about, what do you think about…….. Have a conversation and focus on the facts, acknowledge their emotions and ask open ended questions: why, how, tell me about, what do you think about…….. Use A.I.D – action, impact and desired outcome plus a consequence when necessary Use A.I.D – action, impact and desired outcome plus a consequence when necessary

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC A.I.D. example Action: State the facts as you know them Action: State the facts as you know them Action: Get their side Action: Get their side Action: Acknowledge emotion if appropriate Action: Acknowledge emotion if appropriate Impact: How was an individual, your group, partners, the organizers of an event, the opinion of the audience affected. Impact: How was an individual, your group, partners, the organizers of an event, the opinion of the audience affected. Desired outcome: What do you want them to do differently. Be specific. Are they willing to do this? Desired outcome: What do you want them to do differently. Be specific. Are they willing to do this? Desired outcome: If there have been previous conversations on same matter and it keeps happening you need a consequence. Desired outcome: If there have been previous conversations on same matter and it keeps happening you need a consequence.

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC More Ideas Coordinator handbook for policies and processes Coordinator handbook for policies and processes Group guidelines, Bylaws for policies, and processes (if you don’t have one, make one up) Group guidelines, Bylaws for policies, and processes (if you don’t have one, make one up) Group executive – so you are not alone Group executive – so you are not alone Zone Director or Group Liaison Zone Director or Group Liaison Coordinators list Coordinators list Google is your friend Google is your friend

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Code of Conduct Master Gardener Group sample handout Master Gardener Group sample handout Bruce Trail Conservancy: Dealing with Difficult Volunteers includes a policy, remedial guidelines, sample record of ``offences``, and sample letter with consequences Bruce Trail Conservancy: Dealing with Difficult Volunteers includes a policy, remedial guidelines, sample record of ``offences``, and sample letter with consequences Guiding principles for volunteer involvement from Volunteer Canada: Guiding principles for volunteer involvement from Volunteer Canada: Volunteers make a commitment and be accountable to the organization. Volunteers will act with respect for the cause, the stakeholders. Volunteers make a commitment and be accountable to the organization. Volunteers will act with respect for the cause, the stakeholders. Volunteers will act with responsibility & integrity. Volunteers will act with responsibility & integrity.

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC The D word Wrong information Wrong information Not following process Not following process Missed event Missed event Monopolizing meetings, cross talking Monopolizing meetings, cross talking Being rude to a fellow member or the public Being rude to a fellow member or the public Chronic complainers Chronic complainers Don`t follow through on commitments Don`t follow through on commitments

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC People don’t stop talking When someone is going on and on about a topic try to use body language to disengage: turn away, get up, look at your papers, walk away When someone is going on and on about a topic try to use body language to disengage: turn away, get up, look at your papers, walk away “ Thanks for sharing John, lets find out what others think” “ Thanks for sharing John, lets find out what others think” “Interesting point John, what do you think Mary?” “Interesting point John, what do you think Mary?” “So we can keep to our agenda I can only give you one more minute to share on that John and then we have to move on”. (“If we have time later we can come back to it”) “So we can keep to our agenda I can only give you one more minute to share on that John and then we have to move on”. (“If we have time later we can come back to it”)

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Chronic Complainers As long as they are complaining they can`t be blamed. They cost the group time and energy. As long as they are complaining they can`t be blamed. They cost the group time and energy. Listen and acknowledge, paraphrase Listen and acknowledge, paraphrase Don`t agree. That justifies you are at fault and the complainer is blameless Don`t agree. That justifies you are at fault and the complainer is blameless Focus on how we can solve the problem. What are their ideas. Complainers don`t want to do this. Focus on how we can solve the problem. What are their ideas. Complainers don`t want to do this. Focus on facts without apologizing Focus on facts without apologizing They have low self esteem usually, find small things to compliment them on and keep doing it They have low self esteem usually, find small things to compliment them on and keep doing it

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC One Person Dominating Meeting Have the A.I.D. conversation use the “We need to stick to the agenda line” Have the A.I.D. conversation use the “We need to stick to the agenda line” “I have noticed on several occasions, (have specifics) that you have dominated a meeting or an event.” “I have noticed on several occasions, (have specifics) that you have dominated a meeting or an event.” “When that happens the rest of the team do not get a chance to share, perform, learn which hurts us by not getting stronger as a group.” “When that happens the rest of the team do not get a chance to share, perform, learn which hurts us by not getting stronger as a group.” “ I would like you to give other people an opportunity. If you have something to go on the agenda let me know ahead of time and I will do my best to schedule some time.” “ I would like you to give other people an opportunity. If you have something to go on the agenda let me know ahead of time and I will do my best to schedule some time.” Do they have skills they could use to help others such as taking on a mentoring role to help develop others confidence. Do they have skills they could use to help others such as taking on a mentoring role to help develop others confidence.

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Dementia Always smile and patiently answer questions even if asking over and over Always smile and patiently answer questions even if asking over and over Change the topic Change the topic Stand up and move them somewhere if possible Stand up and move them somewhere if possible Don`t say: “Remember, I just told you.” as this creates feelings of deficiency in the person, just smile and repeat the facts Don`t say: “Remember, I just told you.” as this creates feelings of deficiency in the person, just smile and repeat the facts Long explanations creates more confusion, just give short answers Long explanations creates more confusion, just give short answers Its important for people with Alzheimer to maintain relationships. They may exhibit some behaviours that are difficult to deal with. Contact your local chapter of Alzheimer's or public health Its important for people with Alzheimer to maintain relationships. They may exhibit some behaviours that are difficult to deal with. Contact your local chapter of Alzheimer's or public health

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Your turn to practice A.I.D Get into groups of three. Get into groups of three. Identify your own difficult situation Identify your own difficult situation Take turns playing the coordinator, the member and the observer Take turns playing the coordinator, the member and the observer Role play using A.I.D model. Role play using A.I.D model. Get feedback from the observer on what went well and what could be better. Get feedback from the observer on what went well and what could be better. How did you feel, how did the member feel How did you feel, how did the member feel

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Conclusion It’s not easy dealing with difficult people and situations It’s not easy dealing with difficult people and situations Practice the tools Practice the tools What`s next? For you or your group? What`s next? For you or your group? Questions? Questions?

MASTER GARDENERS OF ONTARIO INC Reference and Resources