Week Six Grouping Related Words (from Strunk and White’s Elements of Style)

Keep Related Words Together The position of the words in a sentence is the principal means of showing their relationship. Confusion and ambiguity result when words are badly placed. The writer must, therefore, bring together words and groups of words that are related in thought and keep apart those that are not so related. WRONG: He noticed a large stain in the rug that was right in the center. CORRECT: He noticed a large stain right in the center of the rug.

Examples In the rug example from the last slide, the reader has no way of knowing whether the stain was in the center of the rug or the rug was in the center of the room. What’s the issue with this example? You can call your mother in London and tell her all about George’s taking you out to dinner for just sixty cents.

Correct Sentence CORRECT: For just sixty cents you can call your mother in London and tell her all about George’s taking you out to dinner. In the first version, the reader may well wonder which cost sixty cent—the phone call or the dinner.

Keep Subjects and Verbs Together The subject of a sentence and the principal verb should not, as a rule, be separated by a phrase or clause that can be transferred to the beginning. WRONG: Wordsworth, in the fifth book of The Excursion, gives a minute description of this church. CORRECT: In the fifth book of The Excursion, Wordsworth gives a minute description of this church. WRONG: A dog, if you fail to discipline him, becomes a household pest. CORRECT: Unless disciplined, a dog becomes a household pest.

Keep Subjects and Verbs Together Interposing a phrase or a clause, as in the WRONG examples, interrupts the flow of the main clause. This interruption, however, is not usually bothersome when the flow is checked only by an expression of apposition (addition). In the fifth book of The Excursion, Wordsworth, a famous Romantic poet, gives a minute description of this church. Unless disciplined, my dog, Fido, can become a household pest.

Place Emphatic Words at End The proper place in the sentence for the word or group of words that the writer desires to make most prominent is usually the end. WRONG: Humanity had hardly advanced in fortitude since that time, though it has advanced in many other way. CORRECT: Since that time, humanity has advanced in many ways, but it has hardly advanced in fortitude. WRONG: This steel is principally used for making razors because of its hardness. CORRECT: Because of its hardness, this steel is used principally for making razors.

Rewrite Edgeworth displays Clarence Harvey as an intelligent man who allows himself to conform to his companions with the use of formal tone, third person narrative, and elaborate language in order to create depth for Harvey's complex character. Edgeworth’s use of a formal tone, third person [point of view], and elaborate language establishes Clarence Harvey as an intelligent, complex man, one who allows himself to conform to his companions.

Rewrite To Make Active, Concise, and Clear (You May Break It Into Two Sentences) The first commercial DNA bank was opened by the business owners on Friday in New York with genetic samples from 18 men frozen in a stainless steel tank. New York was added to a not long list of cities that includes three other cities with DNA banks, such as Paris, London, and Braintree. New York’s first commercial DNA bank opened Friday when genetic samples were taken from 18 men; the samples were then frozen and stored in a stainless steel tank. New York joins three other cities with DNA banks: Paris, London, and Braintree.