Roberta Stoebner Family and Consumer Sciences Teacher Personal Readiness for Parenting Chapter 5

Wrong Reasons for Choosing to Be a Parent 1. To prove adulthood – It’s not being an adult when you aren’t emotionally, mentally or financially responsible 2. To please someone else – parents want to become grandparents or boy/girl friend want a symbol of his/her love 3. For emotional benefits – have someone to love and someone to love you back -2-

Wrong Reasons for Choosing to Be a Parent 4. For respect and status – 5. To escape a situation – alcoholic parents; dislike current job 6. To improve a floundering relationship – Bringing a child to the relationship adds additional stress 7. To be like “everyone” else – “Friends are having babies so we should, too.”

Parenting Readiness Matters Able to financially and emotionally support a child Able to make having and raising a child a top priority Able to provide a stable, loving, safe, & nurturing environment Odds for successfully raising are greater when you are ready for parenting responsibilities and caring for a child

Choosing Abstinence Consider the risks 1. STIs 2. Pregnancy 3. Guilt/Regret 4. HIV/AIDS 5. Greater chance of having a low birth weight baby when mom is a teen 6. Possible pregnancy complications -5-

Practicing Abstinence Avoid situations that could lead to sexual intimacy Plan activities that include other people in public places Discuss feelings with partner before a sexual situation arises Practice ways to firmly say no When difficult situations arise, ask: 1. Will I be proud to recall this moment now and in the future? 2. Will I be able to tell my parents what happened?

Evaluating Psychological Readiness 1. Do you accept responsibility w/o being reminded? Do you take pride in and respect the work you do? Can you give up short- term comfort for long- term goals? (Delay gratification) Are you sympathetic? Can you place other’s needs ahead of yours? Can keep commitments? Do you have skills for coping with change? Are you confident in handling unexpected situations? Do you control the direction your life is taking?

Evaluating Psychological Readiness Do you have a strong and positive self-concept? Are you even-tempered? Is your outlook on life positive? Need to be able to answer yes to most of these questions to be psychologically ready for parenthood. -8-

Consider Female’s Physical Maturity Not able to handle a pregnancy if her body hasn’t reached proper physical stage of physical growth and development Reproductive system doesn’t reach mature growth until several years after puberty Full growth and development increases chances for a safe & healthy pregnancy Mature female’s skeletal structure has room for developing child

Consider Health Do you get enough sleep? Do you get medical checkups? Do you have pre-existing conditions such as diabetes, kidney disease, eating disorders, or STI? Do you eat nutritious food? Are there genetic disorders? Are mom’s immunizations up to date? Do you need dental work?

Condition of the Relationship Need solid, healthy relationship Need a committed relationship Love needs to form a strong foundation Need stability of a good marriage

Questions to Ask About the Relationship Is the relationship satisfying? Is the relationship comfortable and respectful? Are you happy with each other’s actions? Are you respectful of each other’s ideas? Is the relationship stable? Is it love or infatuation? Do you work to solve disagreements in a healthy manner? Are disagreements about reasonable issues? Do you share a common philosophy on raising children?

Lifestyle Considerations Are you willing to adjust to less time with friends? Are you willing to cut back on volunteering in church and community activities? Are you willing to curtail vacations? Are you willing to spend less time on hobbies and/or sports?

Considering Goals Will plans for education have to be sacrificed if you start a family while in college? Will career goals need to be changed? Will goals such as buying a car, building a savings account, or living independently need to be delayed?

Financial Considerations Costs $241,080 to raise a child to age 18 – Source: USDA in August, 2013 Housing Food Transportation Clothing Health care Child care & education Misc. Is there a steady source of income that meets expenses? What are the costs for pregnancy, birth, and providing for a child? Is health insurance available? Does health insurance cover maternity? If not, will income/savings cover the cost? Who will provide child care? Who will stay home with sick child? Will a larger home be needed and be affordable?

Steps in Decision Making Process 1. Identify exact decision to be made. “Should we start a family now?” 2. Consider the options Yes or no to starting a family. 3. Weigh the pros and cons of each option. Consider the long and short-term effects of options

Steps in Making Decisions 4. Consider your values. What’s more important to us? Spending more time together or starting a family? 5. Make a decision and take action. “We’ll wait and reconsider in a year after we have started a savings account and Alaina is finished with college.” 6. Evaluate the results and take responsibility for the consequences. The next year Alaina graduated from college and started a career in real estate so it was decided to wait two more years so more money could be set aside.