Interpersonal Communication Establish good rapport & develop relationships

You establish rapport and credibility by Showing respect for others offering good information to co-workers taking an impartial look at others' criticisms of you or your work.

Developing Relationships seeking out and spending time with co- workers taking an interest in your peers offering your co-workers something for nothing.

UNICA Tallin 29 April Building Positive Relationship  Use of ‘I’  Focus on problem solving  Don’t Deceive  Empathy  Listen Use of Praise – Be specific – Praise progress – Sincere – Don’t overdo – Timing

UNICA Tallin 29 April Life PositionsI’m OK — You’re not OKYou’re OKI’m not OK — Attitude toward Oneself Attitude toward Others NegativePositive Positive Negative

UNICA Tallin 29 April Management Conflict Styles Assertive behavior Aggressive behavior Accommodating style Collaborating style Compromising style Avoiding style Forcing style Passive behavior High concern for others’ needs Low concern for others’ needs High concern for own needs I’m not OK — You’re OK I’m OK — You’re OK I’m not OK — You’re not OK I’m OK — You’re not OK

Resolving Conflict discussing the conflict in terms of what's happening rather than who's causing it accepting the other's behavior as relatively insignificant telling your co-worker that you're willing to do things his way delaying your response to defuse the conflict.

Being truthful Truth based on fact instead of on the opinions Avoid selectively withholding information when you don't know something, admit it

Avoiding negativity refrain from acting in a hostile manner or raising your voice avoid labeling people avoid discriminatory behavior or comments avoid gossiping about your co-workers.

The power of listening The philosopher Epictetus stressed the power of listening in this quote: “Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”

Listen actively Prepare to listen by focusing on the speaker Control and eliminate distractions so that you can focus on the message. Don’t do anything else (writing, reading, ) but listen Establish appropriate eye contact to show interest See listening as an opportunity to get information, share another’s views, and broaden your own knowledge

Listen actively Create a need to listen by thinking about what you can learn from the speaker Set aside the time to listen so that you won’t feel rushed or become distracted by other responsibilities Don’t prejudge the message based on who is delivering it. Focus instead on the content of the message. Monitor the way you listen by asking yourself questions such as “Did I really pay attention or was I thinking about what I was going to say next”? “Was there information I missed because I allowed myself to become distracted”?

Overcoming listening barriers Distractions Emotions Ulterior motives Speed gap Assumptions

That’s a good question! Close end questions limit the answer to yes or no Open end questions allow the responder total freedom in answering Direct questions ask for specific information; limit answers to brief fact statements Probing questions follow up other questions to solicit additional information Hypothetical questions present a theoretical situation to which receiver responds See examples of each on the next slide…

Good question - examples Close end question “Did you attend the staff meeting this morning”? Open end question “What was discussed at the staff meeting this morning”? Direct question “Which topics were listed on the meeting agenda”? Probing question “Can you tell me more about the first agenda topic”?. Hypothetical question “What would you have done, if you had not had the chance to present your idea at the meeting”?

FOCUS on information – a model Focus the discussion on the specific information you need Open-end question to expand the discussion Close-end question to get specifics Use active listening skills to understand what you are hearing Summarize and close the discussion

FOCUS on information – an example Focus the discussion on the specific information you need “I need to ask you about the computer meeting you attended yesterday”. Open-end question to expand the discussion “What kinds of decisions were made regarding expansion of our departmental system”? Close-end question to get specifics “Did the committee decide to buy Dell computers”? Use active listening skills to understand what you are hearing “What I think I heard you say was that the decision was made”? Summarize and close the discussion “So to wrap up, the system will expand and we will be using Dells. Thanks for keeping me up to date”.

Feedback in Active Listening Main types of feedback strategies: paraphrasing what the speaker has said asking closed-ended questions asking open-ended questions

Getting / giving feedback Why is it necessary to give constructive feedback to others?

Give feedback when… Someone asks for your opinion Work errors occur frequently A coworker’s habits disturb you A coworker’s behavior has negative consequences There are unresolved problems and other ideas you may have thought of Constructive feedback focuses on facts not people, solving problems instead of placing blame, and strengthening relationships instead of “being right”

Obstacles to giving constructive feedback What makes it hard to give constructive feedback? …

Obstacles to giving constructive feedback Separating the person from the problem Others becoming defensive or angry Fear of negative consequences (especially if the other person is a supervisor) Dealing with potential conflict (especially if the other person is aggressive) Avoiding hurt feelings Preserving relationships Not having all the facts and jumping to conclusions Choosing the right time so that the other person is most receptive and other ideas you may have thought of

STATE feedback – a model State the constructive purpose of your feedback Tell specifically what you have observed Address and describe your reactions Tender specific suggestions for improvement Express your support and respect for the person

STATE feedback – an example State the constructive purpose of your feedback “I’d like to give you some feedback about your training style so that your evaluations will be more positive and you will enjoy it more”. Tell specifically what you have observed “I notice that you rely heavily on your notes”. Address and describe your reactions “I feel as though you are unsure of yourself when you read”. Tender specific suggestions for improvement “I can help you develop a PowerPoint presentation so that you can use the screens as a cue instead of being tied to your notes”. Express your support for the person “You know a lot about the subject. With practice you can become a good trainer”.

How to Influence People Support Ideas with Data Say it Straight Develop an Informal Channel Build a Consensus Be committed

Handle Difficult Situations With Grace and Poise Create the expectation that change is a given. Understand their anxiety. Identify and listen to the concerns. Acknowledge stresses. Incorporate these concerns.

Communicate Decisions Honestly and Openly Speak with conviction. Use direct eye contact. Be aware of gestures. Maintain appropriate personal space. Persuade Your Team This Is the Best Course of Action Learn From Past Mistakes Maintain Credibility

Strategies for Facing Hostile Reactions Use hard and soft data as needed. Anticipate and overcome any opposition. Be prepared for unexpected objections. Consider timing. Focus on them, not you. Consider their perspective. Involve your listeners.

UNICA Tallin 29 April DEVELOPING IP Skills  Developing Assertiveness  Accepting Responsibility  Managing Conflicts – Avoiding – Accommodating – Competing/Forcing – Collaborating – Compromising

UNICA Tallin 29 April Factors Hampering Interpersonal Interactions  Poor Listening  Emotional Arousal  Lack of Time  Differences in objective

UNICA Tallin 29 April Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis Transactional Analysis A unified system of individual and social psychiatry Focuses on the individual but also one’s relationship to others A model for explaining why and how:  People think like they do  People act like they do  People interact/communicate with others

UNICA Tallin 29 April Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis Transactional Analysis  People have three ego states: parent, adult, child  Parent: when a person thinks, feels & behaves in ways copied from his/her parents  Child: thinking, feeling, behaving as one did as a child  Adult: thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that are a direct result of current happenings Key point: people shift in & out of these states

UNICA Tallin 29 April The Three Ego States Parent- “Do as I do” Child- “What shall I do?” Adult- “I will be frank with you”  Biological conditions are irrelevant to these ego states. We shift from one ego state to another in transactions. Parent- “Why don’t you prepare a time-table?” Child- “What is the point when one cannot follow it?” – Becomes an Adult.

UNICA Tallin 29 April Ego Portraits People have favorite, preferred ego state, depicted by larger circle in a diagram ParentAdultChild P A C P A C P A C

UNICA Tallin 29 April Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis Transactional Analysis – further development  Parent & child ego states subdivided  Parent state: controlling or nurturing  Child state: free child (FC) or adapted child (AC) AC – a person conforms & adapts to demands of others  FC – a person acts & feels like an uninhibited & unsocialized child  Adult state: current self

UNICA Tallin 29 April Transactional Analysis Transactional analysis (TA): a method of understanding behavior in interpersonal dynamics. The three ego states  Parent  Critical parent  Sympathetic/nurturing parent  Child  Natural child (affectionate playful)  Adapted child  Adult The three types of transactions  Complementary  Crossed  Ulterior

UNICA Tallin 29 April Types of Transactions Complementary Transactions: Appropriate and Expected Transactions indicating healthy human relationships. Communication takes place when transactions are complementary. A stimulus invites a response; this response becomes a stimulus inviting further response and so on.

UNICA Tallin 29 April Transactional Analysis Types (I) Complementary transaction SupervisorEmployee P C A P C A

UNICA Tallin 29 April Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis Transactional Analysis occurs when the ego states of 2 people interacting is assessed  Complimentary interaction:  one person in a nurturing parent ego state  other person in their adaptive child ego state

UNICA Tallin 29 April Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis For a leader-follower, the following complementary transactions could occur:

UNICA Tallin 29 April Types of Transactions Crossed Transaction: This causes most difficulties in social situations. “May be, you should improve your study habits”. “You always find fault with me whatever I do” Parent-Child interaction.

UNICA Tallin 29 April Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis Transactional Analysis occurs when the ego states of 2 people interacting is assessed, cont’d.  Crossed transaction:  A leader in the adult ego state deals with  A subordinate who responds from their free child ego state with somewhat negative, rejecting input from the leader

UNICA Tallin 29 April Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis For a leader-follower, there are a number of possible crossed transactions:

UNICA Tallin 29 April Transactional Analysis Types (III) Ulterior transaction SupervisorEmployee P C A P C A P C A P C A

UNICA Tallin 29 April Dealing with Criticism  Understand the Reason behind  Empathy  Don’t personalize criticism  Do not be Judgmental  Do not overload