1. Communication and relational dynamics
Chapter topics
Why We Form Relationships
Relational Development and Maintenance
Communicating about Relationships

2. Why We Form Relationships
Appearance
Is especially important in the early stages
Partners create “positive illusions,” viewing another as more attractive over time
Similarity
We like people who are similar to us
Friendships are more likely to last when friends are similar to one another

3. Why We Form Relationships
Complementarily
Differences strengthen relationships when they are complementary
Each partner’s characteristics satisfy the other’s needs
Reciprocal Attraction
We like people who like us – usually
People who approve of us, bolster our self-esteem

4. Why We Form Relationships
Competence
We like to be around talented people
If a person is too talented it can be difficult to be around them because they make us look bad
Disclosure
Revealing information about yourself can help to build liking
Not all disclosure leads to liking

5. Why We Form Relationships
Proximity
We are likely to develop relationships with people we interact with frequently
Familiarity can also breed contempt
Most aggravated assaults occur within the family
Rewards
Social Exchange Theory
Relationships that give us rewards greater than or equal to the costs of the relationship

6. Relational Development and Maintenance
Models of Relational Development
Figure 8.1 Page 276

7. Relational Development and Maintenance
Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship
Initiating
Communication during this stage is usually brief
Simplistic communication is a way of signaling you may want to begin a relationship
Experimenting
After initial contact we decide if we with to pursue the relationship further
Uncertainty reduction
Getting to know others by gaining more information

8. Relational Development and Maintenance
Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship
Intensifying
The interpersonal relationship begins to develop
The expression of feeling becomes more common
Giving tokens of affection, hinting and flirting
Integrating
Parties begin to take on identity as a social unit
Partners begin to take on each other’s commitments
Close friends may begin to speak alike

9. Relational Development and Maintenance
Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship
Bonding
Parties make symbolic public gestures
Commitment is increased during this stage
Being together comes to be relied on
Differentiating
The “We” orientation shifts back to “I”
The stage is likely to occur when the relationship experiences its first feelings of stress

10. Relational Development and Maintenance
Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship
Circumscribing
Partners behave towards each other in old, familiar ways
Communication decreases in quantity and quality
Shrinking of interest and commitment
Stagnating
No growth occurs
The relationship is a hollow shell of its former self

11. Relational Development and Maintenance
Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship
Avoiding
Parties begin to create physical distance between each other
Unsuccessful couples deal with their problems by avoidance, indirectness and less involvement
Terminating
Includes summary dialogue
Depending on each person’s feelings, this stage can be quite short or drawn out over time

12. Models of Relational Development
Dialectic: the art of investigating or discussing the truth of opinions (Synonym: discussion, debate, dialogue, logical argument, reasoning, argumentation)
Dialectical Tensions
Conflicts that arise when two opposing or incompatible forces exist simultaneously
Managing dialectical tensions can create the most powerful dynamic in relational communication

13. Models of Relational Development
Dialectical Tensions
Connection versus Autonomy
We seek out involvement with others
We are unwilling to sacrifice our entire identity to even the most satisfying relationship
One of the most common reasons for relational breakups involve failure of partners to satisfy each other’s needs for connection
“We barely spent any time together.”
“I was feeling trapped.”

14. Models of Relational Development
Dialectical Tensions
Openness versus Privacy
Along with the need to disclose, we have an equally important drive to maintain space
Even the strongest relationships require some distance
Predictability versus Novelty
Too much predictability can lead to feelings of staleness
The challenge is to juggle the desire for predictability with the desire for novelty that keeps a relationship fresh

15. Models of Relational Development
Other Strategies for Managing Dialectical Tensions
Denial
Reporting to one end of the dialectical spectrum and ignoring the other
Disorientation
Communicators feel so overwhelmed and helpless they are unable to confront their problems
Alternation
Alternating between extremes on the spectrum
Segmentation
Partners use this tactic to compartmentalize different areas of their relationship

16. Models of Relational Development
Recalibration
Responding to dialectical challenges by reframing them so that apparent contradictions disappear
Reaffirmation
This strategy acknowledges that dialectical tensions will never disappear
Balance
Communicators try to balance dialectical tensions
Integration
Simultaneously accept opposing forces without trying to diminish them

17. Characteristics of Relationships
Are constantly changing
Are affected by culture
Require Maintenance
Require Commitment
Relation commitment involves a promise – sometimes implied and sometimes explicit – to remain in the relationship and make it successful

18. Communicating about Relationships
Content and Relational Messages
Content Messages
The subject being discussed
Relational Messages
How the parties feel toward one another
Types of Relational Messages
Affinity
Immediacy
Respect
Control

19. Communicating about Relationships
Metacommunication
Messages that people exchange, verbally or nonverbally, about their relationship
Communication about communication
Important method for resolving conflicts in a constructive manner
Can be used as a way to reinforce the satisfying aspects of a relationship