1. Handouts from Dr. Betsy Watson

2. “An individual’s definition of the situation as put forth by the words” chosen to describe it. “How an individual frames a situation tells us how this person thinks and feels about the situation.” (ISADR)

3. “The process of changing how a person or a party to a conflict defines or conceptualizes a situation.” (ISADR)

4. “All the other kids can go; you are a mean mom.” This could be reframed to something like this; “I think that what I hear you saying is that you feel picked on when other kids are allowed to do something that you are not.” This gets the “mean mom” piece out of the way.

5. Training Material by J. Shailor 1996, Adapted by Betsy Watson.

6. Disputant: He doesn’t have a clue about how to write a decent report. Mediator: What kind of report are you looking for? I think it would help to have a clearer picture of that.

7. D: I can’t take all the verbal abuse. M: What do you mean by verbal abuse? Could you give me an example?

8. D: I can’t stand it when people lie to me. M: I see that honesty seems important to both of you.

9. D: I can’t work in a room without the window open and she insists on it being closed. M: For what reasons do you prefer the window open?

10. D: He is constantly telling me what to do and how to do it. I never get to just think for myself or have a moment’s peace. M: You sound frustrated. I am just curious though: Has his advice ever been useful for you in your position?

11. D: I am never moving back in with my Dad. M: What would happen if you did? Or D: There is no way out of this mess. M: If you were to wake up tomorrow morning and the situation were magically transformed so that it was just the way you want it, what’s the first thing you’d notice?

12. D: I know she is incompetent with the files so I don’t bother to waste my time giving her information. M: Could you tell me how you would like the files handled differently by her in the future? D: Why bother. She would just misplace the information anyway. M: What would have to happen before you felt you could trust her again with information?

13. D: I will never forgive him for leaving me. He won’t get a penny of mine. M: It sounds like you are angry about the separation. How do you think the separation has influenced the children?