1. Relational Dynamics and Communication

2. What makes us seek relationships with some people and not with others? Sometimes there is not a choice (family) We seek out some people. We actively avoid others. What factors influence attraction and avoidance?

3. Factors Influencing Attraction Appearance Similarity Complimentarity Reciprocal Attraction Competence Disclosure Proximity Rewards

4. Relational Development and Maintenance Initiating Experimenting Intensifying Integrating Bonding How does communication change as we get to know each other? COMING TOGETHER

5. INITIATING Show interest! Show you are worth talking to! – Communications tends to be BRIEF FOLLOW FORMULAS – HAND SHAKES – TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER

6. EXPERIMENTING Decide if we want to pursue the relationship further. “Uncertainty reduction” – Gaining information about another Decide if we want to pursue the relationship further. Small talk – Find out if we share interests – Provides an “audition” – Low risk Varies in low- high- context cultures

7. INTENSIFYING RELATIONSHIP begins to develop Express feelings towards each other Increase time spent together Ask for support from one another Do favors for each other Get to know the other’s friends Share activities Take trips together

8. INTENSIFYING (Cont.) Time of excitement- In romantic relationships – Goosebumps – Gazing – Daydreaming “Intensifying” is not a permanent stage!

9. INTEGRATING TAKE ON identity as a social unit (a couple, friends) Social circles merge Take on each other’s commitments (“we”) Share language patterns Develop ritualistic behaviors Obligation to each other grows

10. BONDING Symbolic public gestures Wedding ceremony Marks a turning point: commitment!

11. Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding Terminating How does communication change as we separate from each other? COMING APART

12. DIFFERENTIATING “WE” shifts to “me.” Return to putting the self first Stress-induced Need not be negative Part of “relational maintenance” Key to success: maintain commitment to the relationship while creating space for the individual.

13. CIRCUMSCRIBING Communication decreases in quantity and quality Members withdraw from disagreement Mental withdrawal Physical withdrawal Shrinking of interest and commitment Opposite of integrating

14. STAGNATING When circumscribing goes on too long… Excitement is long gone Loss of feeling No growth in relationship (Workers who are “burned out”) Same conversations, same routines Loss of joy or novelty

15. AVOIDING When stagnation is too unpleasant… Create physical distance “Can’t see you now…” “Don’t call me”

16. IS THE RELATIONSHIP LOST? Unsuccessful couples: – Avoidance – Indirectness – Less involvement Successful couples – “Repair” – Communicate concerns – Confront each other – Spend time and effort to negotiate solutions

17. TERMINATING FINAL STAGE Summary dialogs; desire to dissociate Note…call…legal document Short or drawn out Doesn’t have to be totally negative “Redefined” “Grave dressing” (retrospective attempts to explain failure)

18. Relational Development and Maintenance Initiating Experimenting Intensifying Integrating Bonding How does communication change as we get to know each other? COMING TOGETHER

19. Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding Terminating How does communication change as we separate from each other? COMING APART

20. BONDING INTEGRATING DIFFERENTIATING CIRCUMSCRIBING Healthy relationships move in and out of these stages. On-going maintenance and repair are needed for long-term relationships. INTENSIFYING STAGNATING