1. Personal Resiliency FMI May 28, 2015 Marilyn Issavian

2. Outline 1.What is resilience? 2.Resiliency Self-Assessment 3.Factors in Resilience: Top 12 4.Personal Worksheets 5.Conclusion

3. 1. What is Resilience? Not a trait Involves behaviours, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone. Process of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences. Bouncing back from difficult experiences. Ordinary, not extraordinary.

4. 2. Resiliency Self-Assessment

5. 3. Factors in Resilience: Top 12 Picks

6. Current Situation #1 Mom Current Situation #2 Bob I.Accept what has happened. The people most likely to cope well with rough challenges are the ones who fully accept what has happened. People who don't want to do what they are doing are more likely to become psychologically drained and exhausted. J.Be positive; expect things to work out well. This deep optimism is guided by internal values and standards. A resilient person has a high tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty and asks "How can I deal with this so that things turn out well for all of us?" K.Find meaning, purpose, and value in difficult circumstances. Here are some useful questions to reflect on: "Is there anything good about this experience for me? How is this changing me? What can I learn from this?"

7. Current Situation #1 Mom Current Situation #2 Bob I.Accept what has happened. The people most likely to cope well with rough challenges are the ones who fully accept what has happened. People who don't want to do what they are doing are more likely to become psychologically drained and exhausted. Tom Brown personal notes/reaction J.Be positive; expect things to work out well. This deep optimism is guided by internal values and standards. A resilient person has a high tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty and asks "How can I deal with this so that things turn out well for all of us?" Michael Wow! This really applies to my situation K.Find meaning, purpose, and value in difficult circumstances. Here are some useful questions to reflect on: "Is there anything good about this experience for me? How is this changing me? What can I learn from this?" Sally Marilyn rocks!

8. Current Situation #1 Mom Current Situation #2 Bob I.Accept what has happened. The people most likely to cope well with rough challenges are the ones who fully accept what has happened. People who don't want to do what they are doing are more likely to become psychologically drained and exhausted. Tom Brown personal notes/reaction J.Be positive; expect things to work out well. This deep optimism is guided by internal values and standards. A resilient person has a high tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty and asks "How can I deal with this so that things turn out well for all of us?" Michael Wow! This really applies to my situation K.Find meaning, purpose, and value in difficult circumstances. Here are some useful questions to reflect on: "Is there anything good about this experience for me? How is this changing me? What can I learn from this?" Sally Marilyn rocks!

9. Sources: Resiliencycenter.com Experiencelife.com Marilyn-Issavian-school-of-hard-knocks.com

10. Top Ten Picks Factors in Resilience: Developing resilience is a personal journey We do not all react the same to tough situations What works for one may not work for another Varying strategies Twelve

11. Behave Think Act

12. Behave Think Act

13. Behave Think Act 1.Me 2.Those Around Me 3.The Situations Before Me

14. Behave Think Act 1.Me 2.Those Around Me 3.The Situations Before Me

15. A. Take Care of Yourself Marilyn, Graduation from Université Laval, 1979 Good health & a regular routine of healthy habits Foundational to both mental and emotional resilience. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Take mental breaks to keep stress chemicals at bay.

16. B. Have Good Friendships, Loving Relationships … AND A SUPPORT NETWORK AT WORK. Primary factor in resilience Such relationships: provide role models, offer encouragement and reassurance, make you more stress resistant, make you less likely to get sick in toxic working conditions.

17. B. Have Good Friendships, Loving Relationships Loners are more vulnerable to distressing conditions. Accepting help and support from those who care strengthens resilience.

18. C. Adapt Quickly Mentally and emotionally flexible BOTH Strong and gentle Sensitive and tough Logical and intuitive Calm and emotional Serious and playful Counter-balanced inner qualities = the more naturally and easily you adapt to changes and challenges

19. D. Build Solid Self Confidence your reputation with yourself allows you to take risks without waiting for approval or reassurance from others You expect to handle new situations well, based on your past successes. You build resilience when: You develop confidence in your ability to solve problems, You trust your instincts.

20. E. Build Solid Self Esteem – how you feel about yourself – determines how much you learn after something goes wrong – allows you to receive praise and compliments – acts as a buffer against hurtful statements while being receptive to constructive criticism

21. Behave Think Act 1.Me 2.Those Around Me 3.The Situations Before Me

22. F. See Things From the Other’s Perspective What do others think and feel? What is it like to be them? How do they experience me? What is legitimate about what they feel, say and do?

23. G. Open Your Heart Being of service to others is a powerful way of stoking resilience.

24. G. Open Your Heart Receiving and appreciating kindness from others - Gratitude - is also an important part of resiliency. Being of service to others Is a powerful way of stoking resilience.

25. H. Express Feelings Honestly

26. AND choose to suppress feelings when it is best to do so

27. H. Express Feelings Honestly Advantages: avoid making a bad situation worse. What prevents us? stubbornness, pride, the need to have the upper hand, the need to control others, lack of control of my own conduct. Or don’t think about the need to NOT say what is on our mind!!!

28. Behave Think Act 1.Me 2.Those Around Me 3.The Situations Before Me

29. I. Accept what has happened Those most likely to cope well are those who fully accept what has happened. Those who don’t want to do what they are doing are more likely to become drained and exhausted. For the planner: It is hard to accept what has happened when it interrupts our plans. For the contented: Change is disruptive and unnecessary.

30. J. Expect Things to Work Out Well Resilient people: are guided by internal values and standards have a high tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty have better health, are more stress resistant, persist longer, have more personal success; maintain a hopeful outlook.

31. J. Expect Things to Work Out Well Resilient people Find some silver lining See and acknowledge the bad BUT also see the good. Not-so-resilient people allow all their emotions to turn negative If things are good, they feel good, BUT if things are bad, they feel horrid In the face of difficulties Resilient people are able to experience both negative and positive emotions mourn losses and endure frustrations BUT they also find redeeming potential or value in most challenges.  succumbing to denial

32. Pump up your positivity Our brains are naturally wired to notice negative events BUT, we experience positive events much more frequently. Notice and appreciate positive experiences when they occur. We need 3-to-1 ration of positive and negative experiences to build resilience, to thrive, to be optimally productive, to enjoy our lives.

33. K. Find Meaning, Purpose and Value Some useful questions: What can I gain from this experience? How is this changing me? What can I learn from this? The answers can help me be: accepting open to others’ ideas a better team player

34. L. Constantly Learn Resilient people ask: “What is the lesson here?” “What early clues did I ignore?” “What’s the solution to that?” “Looking at change as an opportunity to learn and an opportunity to problem-solve goes a long way in terms of building resiliency.” Dr. David Sabine Cultivate a learner mindset using “question thinking” Dr. Marilee Adams

35. LEARNER-JUDGER QUESTIONS Learner What works? What am I responsible for? What are the facts? What’s the big picture? What are my choices? What’s useful about this? What can I learn? What is the other person feeling, needing, wanting? What’s possible? Judger What’s wrong? Who’s to blame? How can I prove I’m right? How can I protect my turf? How can I be in control? How could I lose? How could I get hurt? Why is that other person so clueless and frustrating? Why bother?

38. Self Assessment Questionnaire The Passive Recipient The Whining Victim The Constructive Participant

39. 4. Personal Worksheets Current Situation #1 Mom Current Situation #2 Bob I.Accept what has happened. The people most likely to cope well with rough challenges are the ones who fully accept what has happened. People who don't want to do what they are doing are more likely to become psychologically drained and exhausted. Tom Brown personal notes/reaction J.Be positive; expect things to work out well. This deep optimism is guided by internal values and standards. A resilient person has a high tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty and asks "How can I deal with this so that things turn out well for all of us?" Michael Wow! This really applies to my situation K.Find meaning, purpose, and value in difficult circumstances. Here are some useful questions to reflect on: "Is there anything good about this experience for me? How is this changing me? What can I learn from this?" Sally Marilyn rocks!

40. 5. Conclusion Resilient older adults: Get better and better every decade, Are accustomed to having things work out well, Feel optimistic and self confident, Read realities rapidly, Adapt quickly, Understand others accurately.

41. Resilient people let themselves be transformed by their experiences

42. Factors in Resilience: Top 12 Picks

43. Exhausted and bitter? Strengthened and better!