1. Communication C O M M U N I C A T I O N U- N- I

2. To change someone else’s behavior, we must first begin with changing our own behavior. Recognize what works against you and make the changes necessary. I have a story…… Communication is a skill

3. THINK…DON’T JUST REACT! Passive Listening: Responses that invite the speaker to share feelings and ideas. The listeners ideas and judgments are put aside. Examples: Nod your head, smile, say “Uh, huh”, “tell me more”, “really?”

4. Active Listening Try to understand what the speaker is feeling or what the message really means. Make comments that are designed to clarify what the message sender means. Examples: “Tell me more.” “What did you think about that?” “How did that make you feel?” Give more examples:

5. REFLECTIVE LISTENING When the listener mirrors back the thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing. Examples: “Are you saying….” “You seem….” “Did you mean….” “Did I hear you right, you….”

6. YOUR HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LISTENING SKILLS 1. Listen to how questions are answered. What is the emotion behind what is being said? 2. Listen sincerely. Use encouraging words and body language. 3. Do something with the information learned. Tell it to someone else, use it in conversation, or write it down to improve understanding and help remember it longer. (Unless it is a confidential conversation.)

7. MORE HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LISTENING SKILLS 4. Listen for what is not said. What does it mean when a friend doesn’t return a phone call? Examples: “I know I promised to pick you up but I just ran out of time.” What does it mean when someone is chronically late?

8. MORE HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LISTENING SKILLS 5. Physical attention to the speaker by using body language and nonverbal communication skills: Nodding your head Lean in to the conversation Give a hug or touch an arm- when appropriate Smile or frown More?

9. JUST ONE MORE 6. Reflective Listening: Restate the feeling and content of what the speaker has just said in an understanding and accepting manner. This is a good time for Dr. Phil

10. What is an “I” message? “I” messages accurately reflect what you think, believe, and feel. You are giving messages about you, not about the other person. Example: “I worry when you don’t get here on time.” “I feel overwhelmed with so much homework in this class.”

11. AVOID “YOU” MESSAGES You- messages blame and accuse the other person. You- messages are a direct attack on the other person and his or her actions. It will only make the other person defensive. “I” messages are less threatening and cause more positive responses. It takes self-control to say exactly how you feel rather than expressing your feelings by attacking the other person.

12. IT IS OK TO TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WILL SAY! HOW WELL DO YOU LISTEN?

13. COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS Mind Reading: assuming you know what the other person is thinking Avoiding difficult subjects: some subjects are just plain difficult to discuss Mixed messages: verbal & non-verbal are not saying the same thing

14. COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS Interference: TV, computer games, ipod, phone calls, etc. can interrupt the concentration. Silence: sends a strong message of disinterest, hostility, boredom or “war” Different outlooks: may not have the same outlook on life, values or ethics.