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Communicating with Your Kids: A Proactive Approach for Discipline Bette Nix, Behavior Interventionist Shelby County Schools.

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Presentation on theme: "Communicating with Your Kids: A Proactive Approach for Discipline Bette Nix, Behavior Interventionist Shelby County Schools."— Presentation transcript:

1 Communicating with Your Kids: A Proactive Approach for Discipline Bette Nix, Behavior Interventionist Shelby County Schools

2 If a child doesnt read, we TEACH If a child doesnt swim, we TEACH If a child doesnt multiply, we TEACH If a child doesnt drive, we TEACH If a child doesnt behave, we….uh… TEACH? PUNISH?

3 Inappropriate Behavior Inappropriate behaviors can violate the rights of others or jeopardize safety. They are self-defeating or self-damaging and contrary to the requirement of the situation. All behavior has a purpose (function)!!!!

4 Why do students/adults have inappropriate behavior? Attention (negative/positive) Anxiety Acceptance/Affiliation Self Expression Anger Frustration Sadness To save face Task avoidance Gratification Justice/Revenge Medical issues Unknown

5 What do you think children may gain from the problem behaviors? Attention? What kind of attention? From whom? Avoid an apparently difficult or boring activity? Avoid teacher interaction? Get control of a situation? Avoid embarrassment in front of peers?

6 Does the why matter? When children have challenging behaviors, we do not always know why. Even when we do, we may not be able to change the cause, but we can still work with the behavior.


8 Focus on Proactive Interventions Proactive Strategies Take place before an event occurs, usually based on previous experience or learning. Reactive Strategies Take place after an event or stimulus, usually in opposition to a force or influence.

9 Typical (REACTIVE) Discipline Strategies 1. Re-direction 2. Talking to child 3. Screaming at child 4. Time-out 5. Taking away a privilege/grounding 6. Make threats 7. Corporal Punishment

10 Immediate & seductive solution….Get Tough! Clamp down & increase monitoring Re-re-re-review rules Extend continuum & consistency of consequences Establish bottom line... Predictable individual response

11 Ways to Escalate Inappropriate Behaviors Raising your voice! Intruding into the students personal space Using sarcasm Threatening Lecturing Nagging Arguing with the student Having the last word Creating a power struggle!!!

12 Discipline vs. Punishment Punishment Emphasizes power Not always directly related to the behavior Implies moral judgment Coercive Threatens loss Discipline Emphasis on realities of social order Logically related to behavior Separates deed from doer Treats child with dignity Emphasizes care, support, and love

13 Results we can expect Punishment Fear Rebellion Sneakiness Self-doubt Resentment Desire for revenge Discipline Security Cooperation Responsibility Self-discipline Resourcefulness Desire for conciliation

14 Be proactive, not reactive

15 Establishing an Environment for Positive Behavior 1. Try to understand what the behavior is communicating (the underlying need) 2. Be firm, but always be fair a) Fair doesnt mean same 3. Dont try to be a friend to your child a) Be the adult 4. Work on becoming more consistent 5. Separate the child and the behavior

16 6. Encourage independence through problem solving 7. Avoid feeling sorry for the child a) Show empathy 8. Do not be concerned about the right discipline technique 9. Recognize who owns the problem

17 10. Encourage responsibility from the child 11. Be sure expectations are clearly explained 12. If discipline is needed, refuse to fight or argue

18 Think About This Kids arent born instant students We cant assume they know how to act the way we want them to act. The behavior we want needs to first be taught to them.

19 Just as we teach math skills before we expect them to perform math, so must we teach basic behavior skills before we can expect them to have those skills.

20 Teaching Appropriate Behaviors Shape the behavior through instruction, practice and correction. Praise should be given for successive approximations, increase expectations and thus praise, fading supports

21 Silence is your most powerful tool!!! We talk to our children too much in regards to inappropriate behavior. When verbal instruction is needed, lower your voice, give clear, concise instructions and restore order. Be brief, simple and provide choices.

22 Students with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Create an environment with predictability and stability. Clearly define areas to promote organization. Avoid overcrowding. Use care where distracting areas are placed. Give clear cues to your child. Keep work periods short and break assignments into manageable tasks.

23 Students Engaging in Disruptive Behavior Students may be disrupting to gain attention, power/control, gain revenge, or project an image of inadequacy.

24 Students that Seem to Exhibit Low Self-Esteem 1. Set a warm, supportive tone. 2. Consider the impact of your actions on your child.***** 3. Offer praise that is genuine and specific. 4. Bolster the childs academic skills for success. 5. Assist the child in gaining an understanding of his/her strengths and weaknesses. 6. Teach the child positive self-talk. 7. Take the childs questions seriously. 8. Create opportunities for the child to feel important.

25 Choices for You Closed Fist, Open Hand, or Apathy

26 What creates the up-tight closed fist feeling? Stress/Tension Feeling overwhelmed Traffic Administration/ Teachers/Children Perfectionism Students/Adults not doing what is expected Money Anger Fear Too much to do Standing in line Difficult students The need for control Other???????

27 What creates the open-handed feeling? Forgiveness Compassion/ Empathy/Patience/ Love/Trust Other????? Exercise Spending time with family Reading Singing Rest/Enough Sleep

28 How do getting enough sleep, getting enough exercise and doing things you enjoy impact how you might deal with a crisis situation?

29 Take Care of Yourself

30 Health Levels Healthy Unhealthy

31 The Unwanted Cycle Unmet Need Behavior Our Response Only dealing with the behavior or dealing with the behavior first, creates a cycle and the behavior will continue MCS developed by Glenwood, Inc.

32 -- Abraham Lincoln Determine the thing that can and shall be done… … and then we shall find the way.

33 It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. Frederick Douglass

34 W e worry about what a child will be tomorrow --Stacia Tausher yet we forget that he or she is someone today.

35 Every student can learn, just not on the same day -- George Evans. or the same way.

36 -- Claire Nuer. Will you be the rock that redirects the course of the river?

37 Questions & Answers

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