Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows children to live with the consequences of their choices. Love andand Logic
So, How Does Love and Logic help Parents and Children? By providing the tools for establishing a rewarding relationship built upon love and trust.
1. Adults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lecture, threats or repeated warnings. (Which translates to…Adults take great care of themselves Adults set limits using enforceable statements. Adults regard mistakes as learning opportunities. Adults resist the temptation to nag.
When a child says, I hate you, they are really saying, Im doing everything I can to manipulate you and it isnt working! I want my way! That arguments are not requests to hear parental wisdom. Instead, they are designed to weaken parents resolve and get ones way. Not to try to convince kids that their decisions are fair.
STEP TWO: Some Benefits of Delivering Consequences with Empathy: The childs brain stays in thinking mode instead of fighting mode. The adults blood pressure stays lower. The child must own his or her pain rather than blaming it on the adult. The adult sees more cooperation… and less revenge. The child can learn and achieve instead of resist and resent.
I love/like (respect) you too much to argue. Thanks for sharing. Probably so. I know. Nice try. Thats an option. Bummer. How sad. I bet it feels that way. Ill listen when you voice is calm. What do you think I think about that? What do you think youre going to do about that?
Keep Your Empathy Simple and Repetitive Most adults find it difficult to deliver empathy when a child has misbehaved. Rather than getting complicated, simply pick just one empathic response you can use each time you do discipline. When kids hear these same statements repeated, they learn two things: My parent cares about me. My parent is not going to back down. Therefore, there is no use arguing!
Providing empathy alone can emotionally cripple a child. What else needs to be in place? Providing empathy alone can emotionally cripple a child. What else needs to be in place?
Empathy without holding kids accountable erodes responsibility and self concept. Empathy followed by logical consequences builds responsibility. Empathy without holding kids accountable erodes responsibility and self concept. Empathy followed by logical consequences builds responsibility.
This Program Teaches You How To: Identify the four steps to responsibility. Learn how to neutralize arguing. Learn how to neutralize arguing. Recognize who has control. Offer appropriate choices in order to share the control. Identify if a given problem belongs to the child or to the parent. Set limits for children using thinking words, or enforceable statements.
This Program Also Teaches You How To: Recognize empathic responses. Design appropriate consequences for inappropriate behavior. Design a strategy for resolving a problem situation, or problem behavior, using Love and Logic principles.