1. FROM CONFLICT TO RESOLUTION

2. Outcomes Reflect on their personal response to difficult people and conflict Recognize the range and styles in which difficult people present themselves Examine a framework for response Learn how to respond to difficult situations and behaviour Explore the principles of conflict resolution and alternative dispute resolution Identify ways in which conflict can be prevented Interact and network with colleagues

3. Agenda

4. Individual Reflection Think of a recent situation when you found it difficult to deal with someone else’s behaviour. How did you respond? How would you have preferred to have handled the situation? What “hot buttons” got pushed for you? Did you strike back? Give in? Break off the relationship?

5. The Conflict Triangle

6. Factors Influencing Your Reaction to Difficult People Attitudes/Value System/Culture of the Workplace Skills/Communications/Problem Solving (Can be learned) Personal Style: Task vs. Relationship Reactions to Conflict: Fight or Flight (Learned early)

7. How Do You Respond to Conflict?

8. Your Personal Conflict Resolution Style 1)Withdrawing/Avoiding (The Turtle) 2)Forcing/Competing (The Shark) 3)Smoothing/Accommodating (The Teddy Bear) 4)Compromising (The Fox) 5)Collaborating (The Owl)

9. CONCERN FOR RELATIONSHIP CONCERN FOR PERSONAL GOALS ACCOMMODATOR (Teddy Bear) LOW GOAL ORIENTATION HIGH RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION COLLABORATOR (Owl) HIGH GOAL ORIENTATION HIGH RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION AVOIDER (Turtle) LOW GOAL ORIENTATION LOW RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION CONTROLLER (Shark) HIGH GOAL ORIENTATION LOW RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION COMPROMISER (Fox) NEGOTIATED GOAL ORIENTATION NEGOTIATED RELATIONSHIP ORIENTATION (BLAKE, ROBERT AND MOUTOON, JANE, CORPORATE EXCELLENCE THROUGH GRID DEVELOPMENT, HOUSTON: GULF PUBLISHING, 1971)

10. Difficult People and their Differences Hostile Aggressives “What do you mean the teacher is out on yard duty? Have her call me before lunch.” The Complainer “The communication book never gets home. How am I supposed to know that you’re going on a field trip?” The Super Agreeable “Of course I will make sure she does her homework. Yes, I do realize it is the Grade 6 testing coming up.” The Clam No response to the 8 messages you’ve left concerning a pupil.

11. Meyers-Briggs Personality Types and Conflict Resolution Extrovert (E) Introvert (I) Sensing (S) Intuitive (N) Thinking (T) Feeling (F) Judgement (J) Perception (P)

12. Strategies for Dealing with Difficult People 1.Hostile Aggressives 2.Complainers 3.Super Agreeables 4.Clams

13. Active Listening Techniques Encourage Clarify Restate Reflect Summarize Validate

14. Improving Your Listening Skills Be motivated Choose an appropriate area Avoid ‘common mistakes’ Respect the speaker Be aware of biases Be aware of red flags Actively listen Take time to think Avoid ‘emotional hijack’

15. Assertive, Aggressive and Unassertive Behaviour ASSERTIVE You Do:You Don’t: Ask for what you wantViolate other people’s rights Expect other people to guess what you want Freeze with anxiety

16. Assertive, Aggressive and Unassertive Behaviour AGGRESSIVE You Do:You Don’t: Try to get what you want Respond in whatever way works Often cause bad feelings in others Threaten, cajole, manipulate, use sarcasm, fight Respect that others have a right to have their needs met Look for situations in which you both might be able to get what you want (win/win situations)

17. Assertive, Aggressive and Unassertive Behaviour UNASSERTIVE You Do:You Don’t: Hope that you will get what you want Stifle your feelings Rely on others to guess what you want Ask for what you want Express your feelings Usually get what you want Upset anyone Get noticed

18. Assertive Communication Techniques Assertive Body Language Broken Record Technique Requesting Specific Feedback Acknowledging Criticism Acknowledging the Truth

19. Moving From Positions to Interests

20. Principled Negotiation Agree that there is a problem Separate the people from the problem Assess various perspectives Focus on interests Create a variety of options Choose solutions Plan for action

21. Negotiation: Seven Key Elements 1.Interests 2.Options 3.Alternatives 4.Legitimacy 5.Communication 6.Relationship 7.Commitment

22. Develop your BATNA Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement

23. DON’T REACT Go to the balcony The Breakthrough Strategy

24. DON’T ARGUE Step to their side The Breakthrough Strategy

25. DON’T REJECT Reframe The Breakthrough Strategy

26. DON’T PUSH Build them a golden bridge The Breakthrough Strategy

27. DON’T ESCALATE Use power to educate The Breakthrough Strategy

28. Self Assessment

29. The Leader’s Lament Or I Just Can’t Please Everyone!

30. CONCLUSION