Conflict Resolution Definition: The process of ending a conflict by cooperating and problem solving
Objectives 1. Define tolerance. 2. Define negotiation. 3. Name & describe the 3 ways to handle a conflict. Passive, aggressive & assertive 4. Explain why “I” statements are an effective way to communicate.
Objectives for Communication Day #1 Learning about communication Terms: passive, aggressive, assertive T-Chart or good/bad words to use 5 lines of an I statement Day #2 Important elements of an I statement Examples of good vs. better statements How to avoid “when you” Day #3 How to use these in “real life” Taking the elements and making it into a real conversation
Preventing Conflict Tolerance Accepting others’ differences & allowing them to be who they are without expressing disapproval TB 321
Solving a Conflict Negotiation Process in which compromising is used to reach agreement Talking, listening, considering other person’s point of view, compromising TB 322
Responding to Conflicts 1. Aggressive Bully 2. Assertive Leader High self esteem Admits mistakes Mature & Responsible 3. Passive Follower “You” statements Nothing solved Have to get THEIR way “I” statements Best chance of resolution Willing to compromise & say sorry Little/nothing said Nothing solved, give in Don’t stick up for yourself TB 306-307
Choose Your Wording Wisely! Aggressive/Unrealistic (Words to avoid) Assertive (Good words to use)
How to avoid “you”… When you keep bothering me When I am distracted Because you always make me Because I’m made to When you told everyone my secret… When people tell my secrets… Turn it into…
How to avoid “awkward” wording I feel upset When my brother bothers me… I’m upset When I am distracted while I felt upset When the teacher confiscated my phone I felt upset When my phone was confiscated
Example Conflicts to Help With Writing I Statements! A person is saying “you’re stupid.” You witness a person telling someone they’re stupid Your brother does not have to do as many chores as you do. Your sister won’t let you on the computer. Your girlfriend wants to spend every day with you. You’re being picked on for being small. Your parents will not let you go to a school dance. You don’t like that a friend of yours keeps poking fun at you. Your parents won’t let you wear certain clothes on the weekend or do your hair a certain way.
How to use an I statement It is a verbal message! I feel ______________________ when ______________________ because ___________________. I’d like/I want _______________. Would you consider _________ ___________________________? Identify feelings and situation Give an example solution (compromise) Think about what the other person would want… put yourself in their shoes. Grab attention with a feeling Explain the situation Be sappy…basically, why do you care so much?? What do you want from them? Specifically explain what you want them to do. Include please if you can.
Use a feeling word (upset, let down, sad, disappointed) TO GRAB ATTENTION Explain the situation (don’t make them guess) in detail & avoid “you.” Try not to attack them personally, but their behavior instead. Explain feelings and how it affects you (sympathy line) “it is important to me.” “it hurts my feelings.” I feel when because What is the importance of each line in an I Statement?
“to compromise.” “to fix our misunderstanding.” “to talk about this tonight.” “to be friends again.” “you to reconsider.” Ideas/solutions to fix the conflict. Be specific!! Both people must be okay with the suggestion. Use the word please. …if I do more chores? vs. …if I clean the bathroom? AVOID WORDS LIKE MORE/LATER I’d like/I want Would you consider Don’t repeat on these 2 lines!
Parents won’t let you go to a dance I feel angry when you said I couldn’t go to Homecoming. because I have an F in math. I’d like/I want to compromise. Would you consider letting me go? disappointed That I’m not allowed to go to the dance I already have a date or it only happens once a year. if I do all my homework on Friday and stay in on Sunday?
NOT A COMPROMISE!!!!! Example #1 I feel disappointed when we can’t agree on plans for the weekend because I just want to have fun. I’d like/I want to compromise. Would you consider letting me make the plans? letting me pick what we do on Friday and you get to pick on Saturday?
Example #2 I felt disappointed when you lied to my face because I thought I could trust you. I’d like to know why you lied to me. Would you consider giving me a reason why? I am pretty sure I was lied to about… we could trust each other. the truth so we can stop fighting. explaining the situation from your point of view, please?
Example #3 I feel distracted when people make noises while I’m working. because I need to get my grade up and this is important to me. I’d like/I want to be able to focus. Would you consider stopping please?
Example #4 I feel upset that I am not allowed to go snowboarding this Sunday with Jack. because it is really important to me. I’d like to go. Would you consider letting me go? me go if I stay home on Saturday? like you to please reconsider.
Statements don’t have to be “fill in the blank format” for them to be an I Statement
I’d like to compromise about our misunderstanding in the cafeteria. Can we get together and talk on the bus after school please? I’m feeling really upset and realize you probably are too. I’m feeling confused because we’re not getting along and I don’t understand why. Can you please tell me if you are upset about something? I truly want us to work this out. You’re talking to a friend.
I have a lot to say and I am hoping that you can let me get it all out. I promise I will listen to your response as soon as I’m done… I’m so sorry about what happened on Friday night. I’m feeling really confused and because we are such good friends we really should get together & talk this out. Can I please call you after practice tonight? I think it would be better to discuss this away from school. You’re talking to a friend.