1. Communicating Verbally Language is symbolic. Have no meaning, but we attach meaning. Language is rule-governed. Phonological rules – sounds. Syntactic rules – how sentences are structured Semantic rules – meaning. Pragmatic rules – how and where messages are appropriate.

2. Language is subjective. The Ogden & Richards Triangle THOUGHT SYMBOL REFERENT OR THING I’m thinking of the word…. wife To a woman: An equal partner in a marriage To a man: Someone who stays home and cooks dinner every night like my mother did. Notice the jagged line below

3. Words help us identify ourselves. When has your name been mispronounced? What would happen if we got rid of all titles? What assumptions do we attach to people with certain names. Who is a “Mary” or a “Steve” or a “Brad”? Matching your speech style to match those around you – convergence. Do we use better vocabulary around people to pretend that we’re smarter? Set yourself apart from others in a union, divergence. Physicians who speak in jargon, people who speak foreign languages. Does this help or hinder?

4. Sapir-Whorf hypothesis… linguistic determinism. Culture shapes our language. Language shapes our culture. We define our experiences through language. Words mold our culture. Barriers to Effective Communication Bypassing – same word, different meanings to everyone Abstractions (bafflegab) – big words hide ignorance Lack of clarity – malapropisms, wrong syntactic order, jargon (when is jargon used to leave people out?), restricted codes (only you and your communication partner know)

5. Verbal Barriers That Hinder Relationships Allness – sweeping generalizations. Static evaluation – does not recognize change. Polarization – describing things in extremes. Fact-inference confusion – truth or your opinion? Sexist language. Racially biased language.

6. Verbal Barriers That Hinder Relationships Using the word “you” Using the word “but” Asking questions to hide true feelings Using euphemisms Using abstractions (“What’s wrong?” “Nothing!” Using equivocal language (words that mean one thing to you and something entirely different to someone else)

7. Verbal Barriers That Hinder Relationships Fallacies 1.Fallacy of perfection 2.Fallacy of approval 3.Fallacy of should 4.Fallacy of overgeneralization 5.Fallacy of causation 6.Fallacy of helplessness 7.Fallacy of catastrophic

8. Improving Verbal Communication Keep your feelings in “I” context Expand your emotional vocabulary Using a single word to describe your feelings. Describe what’s happening in your mind or your body. Describe what you would like to do or what you want, rather than expectations from someone else. If you have mixed emotions, describe them. Recognize the difference between feeling and acting. Choose the best time and place to express yourself. Deal with your “triggers.” Prevent internal combustion: Unexpressed negative feelings manifest in other ways; negative feelings lose energy quickly the sooner they are confronted.