1. © 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Effective Discussions About Issues of Difference Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D.

2. © 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: Before the Conversation Begins  Know yourself: your style, your values about communicating, your cultural biases about openness, honesty, voice level, conflict, and language.  Recognize differences in personal realities: the informal or formal power imbalances in terms of aspects of identity and associated privilege, position in the organization, social and cultural contexts.

3. © 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: Before the Conversation Begins  Before entering into any discussion, identify what prompted the conversation and your desired end goal: what do you want the outcome of the conversation to be?  Plan for the discussion; you are more likely to get what you want from the conversation if you have taken the time beforehand to identify the areas that you would like to cover.

4. © 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: During the Conversation  Speak from your own experience: “In my experience...How is your experience similar or different?”  Don’t pretend to know everything—be honest about your lack of knowledge about the other person’s experiences and perspective.  Use “I” messages.

5. © 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: During the Conversation  Gather information from the other person rather than working from your assumptions.  Don’t make this a general discussion of all that’s wrong in the world or in your organization.  Give the person your total attention.

6. © 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: During the Conversation  Expect that you may be greeted with a variety of “negative” emotions, ranging from mild suspicion to open hostility about why you are initiating the conversations.  Try hard not to be defensive.

7. © 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: During the Conversation  Remember the three basic elements of the process of dialogue:  Listening:  with a willingness to be influenced;  as though the speaker is really wise;  to learn from others different from ourselves.  Suspension: the ability to notice and temporarily suspend one’s reactions, feelings, opinions, and assumptions.  Inquiry: to draw out inferences and assumptions (ours and others’); to uncover and reveal.

8. © 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: During the Conversation  Watch out for discussion-stopping language:  “Yes, but…”  “But don’t you think…?”  “I know exactly what you mean…”  “But” almost anything  Leave the door open for other discussions.

9. © 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: After the Conversation  Remember: you might do a good job but it still might be hard.  Follow-up  Reach out  Check back in. When approaching the other person(s), specify your intent and acknowledge the risks in talking about differences.