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© 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Effective Discussions About Issues of Difference Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D.
© 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: Before the Conversation Begins Know yourself: your style, your values about communicating, your cultural biases about openness, honesty, voice level, conflict, and language. Recognize differences in personal realities: the informal or formal power imbalances in terms of aspects of identity and associated privilege, position in the organization, social and cultural contexts.
© 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: Before the Conversation Begins Before entering into any discussion, identify what prompted the conversation and your desired end goal: what do you want the outcome of the conversation to be? Plan for the discussion; you are more likely to get what you want from the conversation if you have taken the time beforehand to identify the areas that you would like to cover.
© 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: During the Conversation Speak from your own experience: “In my experience...How is your experience similar or different?” Don’t pretend to know everything—be honest about your lack of knowledge about the other person’s experiences and perspective. Use “I” messages.
© 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: During the Conversation Gather information from the other person rather than working from your assumptions. Don’t make this a general discussion of all that’s wrong in the world or in your organization. Give the person your total attention.
© 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: During the Conversation Expect that you may be greeted with a variety of “negative” emotions, ranging from mild suspicion to open hostility about why you are initiating the conversations. Try hard not to be defensive.
© 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: During the Conversation Remember the three basic elements of the process of dialogue: Listening: with a willingness to be influenced; as though the speaker is really wise; to learn from others different from ourselves. Suspension: the ability to notice and temporarily suspend one’s reactions, feelings, opinions, and assumptions. Inquiry: to draw out inferences and assumptions (ours and others’); to uncover and reveal.
© 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: During the Conversation Watch out for discussion-stopping language: “Yes, but…” “But don’t you think…?” “I know exactly what you mean…” “But” almost anything Leave the door open for other discussions.
© 2008, Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D. Practicing Effective Conversations: After the Conversation Remember: you might do a good job but it still might be hard. Follow-up Reach out Check back in. When approaching the other person(s), specify your intent and acknowledge the risks in talking about differences.
“What If ‘They’ Call Me a Racist?” and Other Discussion-Stopping Concerns Frances E. Kendall, Ph.D.
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