1. Mastering Nonverbal Communication in Teaching Relationships Presenter: Diane Menke Pence, MSEd, Graduate Intern EIU Department of Counseling & Student Development Content: Michele Melvin, EdS, LCPC Faculty, EIU Dept. of Counseling & Student Development Sr. Partner, Hunter & Melvin Professional Counseling and Diane Menke Pence, MSEd, Graduate Intern EIU Dept. of Counseling & Student Development Observation Skills Attending Skills Cultural Context

2. Presentation Goal To educate student teachers about the uses of observation and attending skills as they apply to nonverbal communication in order to maximize effective communication with students, parents, and colleagues, and to become sensitive to cultural differences along these lines.

3. OBSERVATION SKILLS

4. OBSERVATION SKILLS... … Noticing what goes on, both nonverbally and verbally, between you and the student, parent, or colleague you are talking to.

5. OBSERVATION SKILLS ARE IMPORTANT, BECAUSE… Up to 85% of communication is nonverbal! What you NOTICE can greatly help you understand the other person and navigate discussion accordingly.

6.  Verbals can be contrasted by nonverbals (incongruency) which reveal the other person’s true feelings… …or supported by nonverbals (congruency) which accentuate the person’s feelings Observation can help you bridge individual, cultural, and/or gender differences OBSERVATION SKILLS ARE IMPORTANT, BECAUSE…

7. ...help you notice and question nonverbal subtleties and changes especially in response to you (your behavior, inquiry, or confrontation) … help you consider what the other person may be feeling Observation can…

8. What To Observe In The Other Person’s Nonverbal Communication

9. Notice Body Language relaxed or tense body and how it changes with discussion open or closed posture and how it changes with discussion body language that is incongruent with words intensity of movement as an indicator of mood, personality, or outlook on an issue

10. How to Use Body Language Effectively USE : Mirroring assume posture and movements of other person Pacing: start with mirroring, then move to more positive posture/movement OBSERVE: When movement is synchronous mirroring one another’s movements When movement is complementary: harmonious movements When movement is dissynchronous differing movements that might show conflict

11. Notice Facial Expression incongruent smiling look of confusion or being lost expressionless or flat affect affect demonstrating various moods or emotions blood flow changes (e.g. blushing or growing pale) avoiding eye contact, inconsistent eye contact, or intense staring grimacing, frowning eyes welling up tightening of lips agreement, understanding, connection, excitement

12. Notice Eye Movements Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) suggests that there is a link between the way our eyes move and the way we think In NLP, eye movements are known as eye accessing cues—they enable us to access certain information Noticing eye movements can help us to understand how a person relates to the world—i.e. visually, auditorily, or kinesthetically—and communicate with them according to THEIR representational systems

13. Eye Accessing Cues Looking up, or defocusing, usually represents visual accessing Looking sideways usually represents auditory accessing Looking down to the right (your left as you face the person) usually represents kinesthetic accessing Looking down to the left (your right as you face the person) usually represents an internal dialogue

14. Applying accessing cues For those visually accessing, respond in terms of SEEING “This is how you see it…” “I see what you mean” For those auditorily accessing, respond in terms of HEARING “It sounds like you aren’t happy with that grade” “I hear what you’re saying” For those kinesthetically accessing, respond in terms of FEELING “That must feel awful” “I feel happy for you”

15. WARNINGS! 1. Don’t behave nonverbally in any way that is incongruent for you. you will feel awkward you will be transparent to the other person you will likely make you both feel uncomfortable 2. You must interpret the other person within his/her context not your context. (e.g. race, ethnicity, gender, generation, personality, values, etc.)

16. SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

17. Eye Contact and Gaze Western cultures: Direct eye contact seen as positive Differs for some races – African American—more eye contact when talking, less when listening – Anglo Americans—often the opposite Prolonged eye contact may be seen as sexual interest Arabic cultures: Prolonged eye contact is common – Shows interest – Helps them understand truthfulness Japan, African, Latin American, & Caribbean cultures: Avoid eye contact to show respect

18. Facial Expressions Many Asian cultures: Suppress facial expression as much as possible Many Mediterranean cultures Exaggerate grief or sadness Most American men Hide grief and sorrow

19. Touch Western Cultures – Handshake is common – Hugs, kisses for those of opposite gender, family – Some differences between African American & Anglo Americans Islamic/Hindu cultures – Typically don’t touch with left hand – Generally don’t touch between genders; with same sexes is appropriate – Common to see two men or two women holding hands (friendship) Many Asian cultures – Don’t touch the head because it houses the soul Latino, Middle-Eastern, & Jewish cultures – Touch is okay—emotion encouraged – Opposite-sex handshakes acceptable; usually same-sex English, German, Scandinavian, Chinese & Japanese cultures – Do not subscribe to overt displays of affection

20. Posture Bowing – Not done, criticized, or affected in US – Shows rank in Japan Slouching – Rude in most Northern European areas Hands in pocket – Disrespectful in Turkey Sitting with legs crossed – Offensive in Ghana, Turkey Showing the soles of feet – Distasteful in Thailand, Saudi Arabia

21. Gestures Some cultures are animated, others restrained Amount of gesturing varies from one culture to another A gesture acceptable in your culture may be offensive in another – e.g. Pointing US, Asia with index finger Germany with little finger Japan with entire hand

22. General Appearance and Dress Differing cultural standards – What is attractive – What constitutes modesty – What is required by one’s religion

23. ATTENDING SKILLS

24. ATTENDING SKILLS ARE… … the way you convey to a student, parent, or colleague that you are engaged in communication with him/her.

25. demonstrate respect build rapport encourage talk, openness foster cooperation lends well to problem-solving lessen intensity of confrontation, conflict allow you to fall back when you are“lost” model positive communication WHY USE ATTENDING SKILLS IN MY TEACHING RELATIONSHIPS?

26. Partner Activity: Role Play 1) Choose a partner 2) Play these roles: – Person 1: talk about something fun you did recently – Person 2: use the poor attending skills – Don’t look at the person – Respond minimally or not at all – Position your body so that you are not facing them directly, etc. What was difficult about this… …for the listener? …for the speaker?

27. 5 GENERAL ATTENDING SKILLS 1. VISUAL / EYE CONTACT DO: look at talking people in the eye convey interest with your eyes show empathy with your eyes hold eye contact sensitively DON’T: stare off or avoid eye contact shift your gaze continuously stare TOO intensely break eye contact abruptly

28. 2. VOCAL QUALITIES DO convey genuine interest with your… speech tone rate volume pauses DON’T: sound bored, hurried, sleepy, overexcited forget to allow for silence allow for too much silence talk too loudly or softly (not matching volume)

29. 3. VERBAL TRACKING & SELECTIVE ATTENTION DO: follow the person’s story as it is told to you follow the person’s story through his/her particular story-telling pattern show more interest nonverbally in productive aspects of a person’s story show less interest nonverbally in story telling, negative behaviors, or reports of negative behavior DON’T: change the subject to meet your personal agenda lose track of his/her story because you are distracted or dominating

30. DO: face the other person with your whole body clear the space between you lean in slightly use facial expressions and gestures appropriate to the discussion content DON’T: sit back or turned away be physically blocked have a blank or inappropriate expression over or undergesture 4. BODY LANGUAGE

31. 5. NONVERBAL ENCOURAGERS Encourage communication without saying a word by using… nodding welcoming hand gestures smiling and other positive facial expressions empathic expression open posture leaning in at interesting points

32. WARNING…again! Apply attending skills within the context of the student, parent, or colleague’s race, ethnicity, gender, generation, personality, values, etc.

33. Partner Activity: 2 nd Role Play 1) Get together with your same partner 2) Switch roles: – Person 2: talk about something fun you did recently – Person 1: use good attending skills – Good eye contact – Good vocal qualities – Verbal tracking – Good body language – Nonverbal encouragers What was different this time… …for the listener? …for the speaker?

34. Summary: Nonverbal Communication in Teaching Relationships Use OBSERVATION and ATTENDING skills to maximize effective communication with students, parents, and colleagues AND Be aware of CULTURAL CONTEXT to help you be sensitive to cultural differences in nonverbal communication