1. Men are from MARS, Women are from VENUS. Mia Palma Palmam1@mail.montclair.edu Jennifer Lewin lewinj3@mail.montclair.edu Mike Lee leem11@mail.montclair.edu

2. Introduction & Book Summary/Thesis Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray “It is essential to learn new and healthy ways of relating and communicating (Gray, 1992).” This book focused on the differences in communication styles between men and women. Offers suggestions to understanding how members of the opposite sex communicate. Gray explains that couples can improve the quality of their relationship if when they can better understand how their partners communicate. Gender insight helps us to be more tolerant and forgiving when someone doesn’t respond the way we think he or she should (Gray, 1992) That other variables, other than gender play a larger role in defining gender differences (Sprecher & Toro-Mor, 2002) Gender differences vary from culture to culture (Sprecher & Toro-Mor, 2002)

3. Data from the Book: Gray (1992) makes wide swiping generalization about “all men” and “all women” throughout his book. Based upon his personal experiences and “7 years of research” (Gray, 1992) Gray (1992) states that his theories and principals were “tested and tried” – but does not say how “At least 90%” (Gray,1992) of the more than 25,000 individuals who attended his lectures recognized themselves and their partners in his theories Data is anecdotal – Descriptive stories of men and women and the different ways in which they communicate within their heterosexual relationships

4. John Gray says… Gray (1992) concludes that men and women… Are naturally different Communicate in completely different ways Use language differently Constantly misunderstand each other This leads to conflict, break ups and ultimately divorce…. (Source: John Gray’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, 1992)

5. The Hard Data… Gray (1992) does not - Disclose how he conducted his questioning of “more than 25,000” individuals Provide data from a national representative sample Go in to what makes men and women so different – but hints to it being linked to biology Claim that his “data” is scholarly or national representative

6. Men= Women?? Gender differences in communication are often oversimplified and tend to vary from subculture to subculture (Cameron, 2007) Men and women respond and communicate more similar than different (MacGeorge, et. al., 2004). Men and women are different but share the similarity of needing & yearning for something. Example: Men & Women under Stress.

7. Men Under Stress. Men- “retreating into their cave” When a man is stressed, he will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem (Gray, 1992) If he can’t find a solution then he does something to forget his problems, like reading the news or playing a game (Gray, 1992) When he has found a solution, he feels much better and comes out of his cave (Gray, 1992).

8. Women Under Stress When a woman becomes upset or is stressed by her day- to find relief, she seeks out someone she trusts and then talks in great detail about the problems of her day. When they finish sharing the feelings of being overwhelmed, she suddenly feels better. - “Like a big wave and then she crashes and calms down” (Gray, 1992)

9. Demand-Withdrawl Behavior Problem -Women demand attention -Men withdraw to cave Recently, demand-withdraw behaviors during conflict resolution among heterosexual couples have become a topic of particular interest due to many factors which include: the high frequency of demand-withdraw behavior observed in distressed couples, the link between demand-withdraw behavior and declines in satisfaction of relationship and the link between demand-withdraw behavior and spousal abuse (Cayem, Stierwalt, Sprawls, McIlroy, 2008).

10. On the Contrary… Men, when dealing with a problem, will talk to an older person or elder (big brother, pastor, father) for guidance & advice. Women, when dealing with a problem will seek to comforting activities to forget about her troubles:  Shopping  Pedicure/maniciure  Buying jewelry  Cleaning Source: http://www.askmarsvenus.com/dr-john-gray.php & http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007/oct/01/gender.bookshttp://www.askmarsvenus.com/dr-john-gray.php http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007/oct/01/gender.books

11. Look at the chart and see how men and women are very similar/different in many areas.

12. Quality of Data… The researchers (MacGeorge, et. al, 2004) received an “Distinguished Publication Award” for their work Data was published in a scholarly journal Relatively small sample size Data was based upon a regional sample but with a wide range of individuals from different ethnicity’s / SES and ages The racial makeup of the participants were national representative A “remake” of an earlier study….

13. The Results are in! The data we found - Refutes MOST of Gray’s statements Points to that men and women are more alike then different The differences in the way men and women communicate / use language are not that different…. The author is trained to write a self-help book but he needs to be more open-minded and considerate of the different cultures and relationships that surround our societal norm.

14. Discussion & Conclusion John Gray has a large number of followers He claims to have saved countless marriages Some “good” points… However… The book is patronizing towards both men and women Perpetuates the “myth” of “natural” gender differences

15. Discussion & Conclusion Some research supports Grays ideas. Women tend to experience higher levels of stress after a stressful event. Men tend not to show their emotions after a stressful event. Most of our findings go against Grays ideas. The ways in they communicate, such as their use of language, tend to be more similar than different between men and women.

16. Future Research… We found both information that went along with Grays findings and against it. One thing that I would suggest to change in future research on this topic would be sample size. Most research was done through small sample sizes Using larger samples would result in a more accurate result.

17. References: Cameron, D. (2008). The Myth of Mars and Venus: Do men and women really speak different languages? USA: Oxford University Press. Cayem,D., Stierwalt, J., Sprawls, J., & McIIroy, J. (2008). Male Communication in a Heterosexual Dating Relationship. Psychology of men, 29,110-116. Gray, J. (1992). Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. New York, NY: HarperCollin. MacGeorge, E., Graves, A., Feng, B., Gillihan, J., & Burleson, B. (2004). The myth of gender cultures: Similarities outweigh differences in men’s and women’s provision of and responses to supportive communication. Sex Roles, 50, 143-175. Sprecher, S., & Toro-Mor, M. (2002). A study of men and women from different sides of earth to determine if men are from Mars and women are from Venus in their beliefs about love and romantic relationships. Sex Roles, 46, 131-147.

18. Youtube Video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ry7lRjuK Xvk&feature=relmfu http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ry7lRjuK Xvk&feature=relmfu

19. Exam Question #1 According to John Gray’s book Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus, which best represents the way women communicate? A) Women tend to keep their feelings hidden. B) Women pull away and retreat to their “cave.” C) Women seek support and confide in someone else to share their feelings with. D) Women tend to ignore their problems and find something to do to keep their minds busy. Answer - C

20. Exam Question #2 1. Which of the following statements do NOT represent the ideas from the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? A. Men and women are fundamentally different in almost every way B. Men and women have no problems communicating with each other C. Women and Men come from different planets D. Men and women speak different languages Answer is - B

21. Exam Question #3- Based on the demand-withdraw behavior pattern… A. Men are more open to showing their feelings and “venting” to their significant other. B. Women are more withdrawn and will refocus their problems onto something else that will distract them. C. Men and Women both are able to talk about their problems only after sex. D. Men are more prone to watch a game to get his mind off of his problems while women are more prone to talk in detail until she has everything out in the open. Answer is: D