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Words Women Use Fine: the word women use to end an argument when they are right and the man needs to shut up. Five Minutes: if she is getting dressed,

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Presentation on theme: "Words Women Use Fine: the word women use to end an argument when they are right and the man needs to shut up. Five Minutes: if she is getting dressed,"— Presentation transcript:

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3 Words Women Use Fine: the word women use to end an argument when they are right and the man needs to shut up. Five Minutes: if she is getting dressed, this is half an hour; 5 minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping out around the house. Nothing: this is the calm before the storm. It means something and the man should Be on his toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4 Words Women Use Go ahead: this is a dare, not permission; Guys: DONT DO IT!!! Loud sigh: although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over nothing.

5 Words Women Use Thats OK: this is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. Thats OK means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Thanks: This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you, do not question it. Just say: Youre welcome and back slowly out of the room.

6 Words Women Use Whatever: Its a womans way of saying: *&%$ you! Dont worry about it. I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning that is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking, Whats wrong? For the womans response see previous: Nothing followed by Fine!

7 John Gray, Ph.D. Copyright 1992, HarperCollinsPublishers, New York, NY The classic guide to understanding the opposite (gender). And remember, everyone, Dr. Grays work is a theory; but one based on years of research.

8 OK, you psychology students. What is the most frequently expressed complaint that women have about men? Dr. Gray, thats an easy one: men dont listen. When I want empathy, he thinks I want solutions.

9 Miss Becky, that is exactly what my research has discovered. OK, then, what is the most frequently expressed complaint men have about women? Dr. Gray, I believe it is that women are always trying to change us men.

10 Hey! We feel responsible for assisting you guys growto help you improve the way you do things. I, an open-minded person, appreciate that point. Research, however, shows that while women think they are nurturing us, men feel that women are trying to control them. What men really want is acceptance.

11 Both Mr. and Mrs. Simoncini are right in their points. So how can we solve those two problems? Well, we must first understand why men offer solutions and women seek to improve. To do that, we need to explore life on both planets. Lets first head to Mars.

12 Martians value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. They like to do things to improve themselves and develop their power and skills. A mans sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.

13 So when a woman innocently shares upset feelings or explores out-loud the problems of her day… …a man mistakenly assumes she is looking for some advice. Once he has offered a solution, however, and she continues to be upset, it becomes increasingly difficult for him to listen because his solution is being rejected and he feels increasingly useless.

14 Now well travel to Venus; and well find that Venusians have different values from Martians. Venusians value love, beauty, communication, and relation- ships. They spend a lot of time supporting, helping and nurturing one another.

15 A womans sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships. Thats so true, Dr. Gray. We Venusians are more concerned with living together in harmony, community and loving cooperation. Communication is of primary importance. To share personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals and success.

16 Wow!, Dr. Gray. Thats hecka hard for a guy to understand. I know it is, Pete. Just think of the difference this way: men are goal oriented, while women are relationship orientedthey are more concerned with expressing their goodness, love and caring.

17 So, Dr. Gray, if everyone on Venus (all women) are very involved in beautiful things like personal growth, spirituality, and everything that can nurture life, healing and growth, why is that so hard for men to grasp? Thats an excellent question, Lisa. What many women have no conception of is male sensitivity. Let me have a typical Martian explain further.

18 Id be happy to, Dr. Gray. If someone offers to help a woman, it makes her feel loved and cherished. But offering help to a man can make him feel incompetent, weak, and even unloved. Your point is correct, Homer. When a woman tries to improve a man, he feels she is trying to fix himhe receives the message that he is broken, which may actually humiliate him.

19 But, Dr. Gray, it goes the other way too. Often men dont understand how women are different and sometimes that lack of understanding can make problems worse. Exactly, Marge. Many times a woman just wants to share her feelings about her day and her husband (or boyfriend), thinking he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her problems.

20 So, Mustang students, in summary here are the two most common mistakes we make in relationships. A man tries to change a womans feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr. Fix-It and offering solutions to her problems that invalidate her feelings. A woman tries to change a mans behavior when he makes mistakes by becoming the home improvement committee and offering unsolicited advice or criticism.

21 So, we have just had a discussion about the most common mistakes people make in inter-gender relationships. Now, well look at a few of the other jewels that Dr. Gray offers in his book.

22 Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. Simoncini. One of the biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with stress. To feel better in stressful situations, Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone while Venusians get together to talk about their problems.

23 Women generally do not understand how Martians cope with stress. They expect men to open up and talk about all their problems the way Venusians do. They need to leave the men alone to solve their problems, but also quietly show support. And, Miss Becky, men generally do not understand that a woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems; rather she seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood.

24 Thank you, Dr. Gray. Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. OK, Mustangs. Have you ever wondered what motivates people of the opposite gender? Here are some of your former and current classmates to answer that question. And women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.

25 Although he still needs to receive love, a mans greatest need is to give love. And, Jon, it is so important for a woman to feel that she is supported by someone who cares. Kyle and Whitney, people need to understand these important factors about the opposite gender in order to understand gender motivation.

26 The last jewel I have is the following saying: men are like rubber bands while women are like waves. As Sergeant Edlao used to say, Lemme splain.

27 Dr. Gray, doesnt the statement about men being rubber bands mean that sometimes men need to pull away from their partners before they can get closer? Exactly, Ross. A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy (or being alone.)

28 Here is what I mean, and this can be very confusing for women. Often when a woman starts to talk about things with feeling, a man starts to feel this urge to pull away. This is because feelings draw men closer and create intimacy, and when a man gets too close he automatically pulls away. Eventually, however, he will return and want to talk.

29 But, Dr. Gray, men generally dont realize how their suddenly pulling away and then later returning affects a woman. She often feels when he wont talk, he doesnt love her. Correct, Rachel. That is why women need to make men aware of their feelings in non-threatening ways and men, in turn, have to listen, understand & respect womens feelings.

30 Hey, Dr. Gray, so whats this about women being like waves? Well, Joey, a womans self- esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she is on or near the top of the wave, everything is great. But when she hits bottom (is not feeling as good about herself), it is a time for emotional housecleaning.

31 You see, in relationships, men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others. So, when a woman moves into her well, her significant other needs to learn that this is when she needs him the most, and it is not a problem to be solved or fixed, but an opportunity to support her with unconditional love.

32 Mustang psychology students, I am Barbara Walters. We are now going to watch a segment of ABC News 20/20 that I hosted several years ago. It is a good supplement to your study of Dr. John Grays theories. Pay attention: you must write a journal reaction when the film is over.

33 First, well watch 6 couples, each of whom have marital issues. They are: Sandy and Art, Marie and Yves, Fran and Mike, Kathy and Pat, Sandra and Bob, & Diane and Bruce.

34 In Part I we will watch them interact and discuss their feelings in 4 topic areas: Romance, The Daily Grind, Coping with Stress, & Arguing. Then Dr. Gray will host them at a seminar and will provide them with insight and suggestions to help them in their relationships.

35 Now write your journal reaction. What did you learn about adult psychological development from both the PowerPoint lecture and the film entitled Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus? Discuss at least 5 different points. In your journal, call this entry: Chapter 3: Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.


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