2Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Words Women Use Fine: the word women use to end anargument when they are right and theman needs to shut up.Five Minutes: if she is getting dressed,this is half an hour; 5 minutes is onlyfive minutes if you have just been given5 more minutes to watch the game beforehelping out around the house.Nothing: this is the calm before the storm.It means “something” and the man shouldBe on his toes. Arguments that begin with“nothing” usually end in “fine.”
3Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Words Women Use Go ahead: this is a dare, not permission;Guys: DON’T DO IT!!!Loud sigh: although not actually a word,the loud sigh is often misunderstood bymen. A loud sigh means she thinks youare an idiot and wonders why she iswasting her time standing here andarguing with you over “nothing.”
4Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Words Women Use That’s OK: this is one ofthe most dangerous statements that awoman can make to a man. “That’s OK”means that she wants to think long andhard before deciding how and when youwill pay for your mistake.Thanks: This is the least used of all wordsin the female vocabulary. If a woman isthanking you, do not question it. Just say:“You’re welcome” and back slowly outof the room.
5Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Words Women Use Whatever: It’s a woman’s wayof saying: “*&%$ you!”Don’t worry about it. I got it:Another dangerous statement, meaningthat is something that a woman has told aman to do several times, but is now doingherself. This will later result in a manasking, “What’s wrong?” For the woman’sresponse see previous: “Nothing” followedby “Fine!”
6Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus John Gray, Ph.D. Copyright 1992,HarperCollinsPublishers,New York, NY“The classic guide to understanding theopposite (gender).”And remember, everyone, Dr. Gray’s work is a theory; but one based on years of research.
7Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus OK, you psychology students. What is the most frequently expressed complaint that women have about men?Dr. Gray, that’s an easy one: men don’t listen.When I want empathy, he thinks I want solutions.
8Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Miss Becky, that is exactly what my research has discovered. OK, then, what is the most frequently expressed complaint men have about women?Dr. Gray, I believe it is that women are always trying to change us men.
9Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Hey! We feel responsible for assisting you guys grow—to help you improve the way you do things.I, an open-minded person, appreciate that point. Research, however, shows that while women think they are nurturing us, men feel that women are trying to control them. What men really want is acceptance.
10Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Both Mr. and Mrs. Simoncini are right in their points. So how can we solve those two problems? Well, we must first understand why men offer solutions and women seek to improve. To do that, we need to explore life on both planets. Let’s first head to Mars.
11Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Martians value power, competency, efficiency, andachievement. They like to dothings to improve themselvesand develop their power andskills.A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.
12…a man mistakenly assumes she is looking for some advice. Men Are From Mars,Women Are From VenusSo when a woman innocently shares upset feelings or explores out-loud the problems of her day……a man mistakenly assumes she is looking for some advice.Once he has offered a solution, however, and she continues to be upset, it becomes increasingly difficult for him to listen because his solution is being rejected and he feels increasingly useless.
13Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Now we’ll travel to Venus; and we’ll find that Venusians have different values from Martians.Venusians value love, beauty,communication, and relation-ships. They spend a lot of timesupporting, helping andnurturing one another.
14Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.That’s so true, Dr. Gray. We Venusians are more concerned with living together in harmony, community and loving cooperation. Communication is of primary importance. To share personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals and success.
15Wow!, Dr. Gray. That’s hecka hard for a guy to understand. Men Are From Mars,Women Are From VenusWow!, Dr. Gray. That’s hecka hard for a guy to understand.I know it is, Pete. Just think of the difference this way: men are goal oriented, while women are relationship oriented—they are more concerned with expressing their goodness, love and caring.
16Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus So, Dr. Gray, if everyone on Venus (all women) are very involved in beautiful things like personal growth, spirituality, and everything that can nurture life, healing and growth, why is that so hard for men to grasp?That’s an excellent question, Lisa. What many women have no conception of is male sensitivity. Let me have a typical Martian explain further.
17Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus I’d be happy to, Dr. Gray. If someone offers to help a woman, it makes her feel loved and cherished. But offering help to a man can make him feel incompetent, weak, and even unloved.Your point is correct, Homer. When a woman tries to improve a man, he feels she is trying to fix him—he receives the message that he is broken, which may actually humiliate him.
18Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus But, Dr. Gray, it goes the other way too. Often men don’t understand how women are different and sometimes that lack of understanding can make problems worse.Exactly, Marge. Many times a woman just wants to share her feelings about her day and her husband (or boyfriend), thinking he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her problems.
19Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus So, Mustang students, in summary here are the two most common mistakes we make in relationships.A man tries to change a woman’sfeelings when she is upset by becomingMr. Fix-It and offering solutions to herproblems that invalidate her feelings.A woman tries to change a man’s behaviorwhen he makes mistakes by becoming thehome improvement committee andoffering unsolicited advice or criticism.
20inter-gender relationships. Men Are From Mars,Women Are From VenusNow, we’ll look at a few of the other jewels that Dr. Gray offers in his book.So, we have just had a discussion about the most common mistakes people make ininter-gender relationships.
21Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. Simoncini. One of the biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with stress.To feel better in stressful situations, Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone while Venusians get together to talk about their problems.
22Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Women generally do not understand how Martians cope with stress. They expect men to open up and talk about all their problems the way Venusians do. They need to leave the men alone to solve their problems, but also quietly show support.And, Miss Becky, men generally do not understand that a woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems; rather she seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood.
23And women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished. Men Are From Mars,Women Are From VenusOK, Mustangs. Have you ever wondered what motivates people of the opposite gender? Here are some of your former and current classmates to answer that question.Thank you, Dr. Gray. Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed.And women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.
24Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Although he still needs to receive love, a man’s greatest need is to give love.And, Jon, it is so important for a woman to feel that she is supported by someone who cares.Kyle and Whitney, people need to understand these important factors about the opposite gender in order to understand gender motivation.
25Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus The last jewel I have is the following saying: “men are like rubber bands while women are like waves.” As Sergeant Edlao used to say, “Lemme ‘splain.”
26Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Dr. Gray, doesn’t the statement about men being rubber bands mean that sometimes men need to pull away from their partners before they can get closer?Exactly, Ross. A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy (or being alone.)
27Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Here is what I mean, and this can be very confusing for women. Often when a woman starts to talk about things with feeling, a man starts to feel this urge to pull away. This is because feelings draw men closer and create intimacy, and when a man gets too close he automatically pulls away. Eventually, however, he will return and want to talk.
28Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus But, Dr. Gray, men generally don’t realize how their suddenly pulling away and then later returning affects a woman. She often feels when he won’t talk, he doesn’t love her.Correct, Rachel. That is why women need to make men aware of their feelings in non-threatening ways and men, in turn, have to listen, understand & respect women’s feelings.
29Hey, Dr. Gray, so what’s this about women being like waves? Men Are From Mars,Women Are From VenusHey, Dr. Gray, so what’s this about women being like waves?Well, Joey, a woman’s self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she is on or near the top of the wave, everything is great. But when she hits bottom (is not feeling as good about herself), it is a time for emotional housecleaning.
30Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus You see, in relationships, men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.So, when a woman moves into her well, her significant other needs to learn that this is when she needs him the most, and it is not a problem to be solved or fixed, but an opportunity to support her with unconditional love.
31Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Mustang psychology students, I am Barbara Walters. We are now going to watch a segment of ABC News’ 20/20 that I hosted several years ago. It is a good supplement to your study of Dr. John Gray’s theories. Pay attention: you must write a journal reaction when the film is over.
32Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus First, we’ll watch 6 couples, each of whom have marital issues. They are:Sandy and Art,Marie and Yves,Fran and Mike,Kathy and Pat,Sandra and Bob, &Diane and Bruce.
33In Part I we will watch them interact and discuss their feelings in Men Are From Mars,Women Are From VenusIn Part I we will watch them interact and discuss their feelings in4 topic areas:Romance,The Daily Grind,Coping with Stress, &Arguing.Then Dr. Gray will host them at a seminar and will provide them with insight and suggestions to help them in their relationships.
34Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Now write your journal reaction. What did you learn about adult psychological development from both the PowerPoint lecture and the film entitled Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus? Discuss at least 5 different points. In your journal, call this entry: Chapter 3: Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.